Wife is not who I married... Pls Help Part 3

[LoneWlf]

Just some journaling. Did my morning routine. Got up early to start a load of laundry before I went out on my bike ride. Got on the bike early because it was going to be a hot day. Went for a 2 and a half hour bike ride. On my bike ride I receive a text from W wishing me a Happy Fathers Day. (I wasn't expecting that). I came home to see my S made poached eggs toast and coffee for breakfast.
He also told me the night before that W texted him if he needed her to drive him to get me a gift for fathers day( not sure why she wants to get me something now that she wants me out of her life cuz she never put much effort into getting me gifts before- She would either just make dinner or take me out to eat). My S did not respond to her text. I'm pretty sure my W was just looking to spend time with my S and not necessarily get me a gift-just my take.
S and I went to church - I was wished a happy fathers day many times from our church family. Then my sister and my S and I went to the cemetary to visit my Mom and Dad and say a prayer there for POPS. We then headed over to get us lunch and ice cream.
We came home so that S could study and prepare for his upcoming exams.
After a couple hours S asked if we could go to the park and practice his pitching and shoot hoops. We went to the park with the dog. He will be our starting pitcher for tonights game. We headed home got cleaned up said our prayers and went to bed.
It seemed to be a good day but I was often reminded by families around me that we are still missing a big piece of our family. looks like I still have a LONG way to go. The journey is long but I need to stay positive.

[Rawpain]

I am glad you had a good fathers day. Sounded nice. Keep going.
My W got me 2 really thoughtful presents - maybe it is guilt? Maybe it is to prove to them selves that they are still a good person? Or just for the kids. The rest of my family were shocked that I got anything and I ended up getting 3 lots of Fathers Day presents.

I am sure your S really enjoyed his day with his great dad.

[hoosjim]

After a couple hours S asked if we could go to the park and practice his pitching and shoot hoops. We went to the park with the dog. He will be our starting pitcher for tonights game. We headed home got cleaned up said our prayers and went to bed.

LW, keep being there and being a good Dad for your S! You're doing good there and it's one of the most important things you can do when you're going through this. Speaking from experience, it can also be one of the hardest. But your son needs you right now, he needs you to model how to be a strong, male, head of family, and, just as importantly, you need him. For now, he is your family. You continue to strengthen that relationship and it will pay dividends for you both, and, should your W ever come to her senses, for your MR as well. But right now, consider that an important part of your GAL!

I remember with my own boys, when i first started going through this they were like "what's up with Dad"... because i really 180d on a lot of things and to them it almost seemed a little weird. But, ya know, my relationship with them is now much stronger than it was (They'll both say "Love ya, Dad"-- though still in kind of a gruff, hesitant, man-child kinda way-- which they would never do before) and i have a much better rapport with them. And i have also been able to impart some additional wisdom to them to hopefully lay the foundation for them not making the same mistakes I made in my own MR once they find a mate.

AAR, keep being "the man" for your kid. He'll appreciate it in the long run, and so will you.

Peace.

[LoneWlf]

Raw- It great that you get thoughtful presents. I used to spend days and weeks thinking of presents to get my W just to see the expression on her face. I'm happy for you.

hoosjim- Thanks for the words of encouragement. You are right this is the HARDEST thing I have ever done. I often say that being a Dad is the hardest job I have but it is also the BEST job in the world.

One thing I need to ask is-I know my W texts my S pretty much daily because he tells me. And he tells me he doesn't respond to her texts. Why has she not reached out to me? He was failing one subject- With alot of work we have brought that to better than a passing grade. She knows he plays baseball and sax- She has never asked about any that. Speaking for me- If I only saw my S twice for 1 hour each time I would want to know what and how he was doing? If not thru him then I would have to get updates thru my W. Why does she not even care about updates? For the record I have not reached out to her and she has not asked me anything about S. Just a question.

[arsh18]

One thing I need to ask is-I know my W texts my S pretty much daily because he tells me. And he tells me he doesn't respond to her texts. Why has she not reached out to me?

Hi Lonewlf, as a mother she must be feeling pretty guilty about what she has put your S through. She may be angry at you and may have convinced herself you have wronged her but that doesnt make it right by what she is doing to your son. She wants to build a R with him, somehow eventually be in a place where he can either forgive her or make him understand there was no other option left to her. And she doesnt want you to be the bridge of this mother-son relation. I would let her be, it is up to the two of them to decide how they want to keep that relation.
You are the stable parent and your son knows that.
I am so glad you had a good weekend, happy fathers day to you.

[LoneWlf]

Thanks Arsh- I hope you are well. Thank you for the explanation. From my perspective - I would by dying a slow death without knowing what my S was doing, his interests, his accomplishments and failures. I just don't understand how one can give birth to a beautiful individual and then not want to stay connected. I hope that it will resolve itself one day. Thanks for all your support!

[Vanilla]

Lonewolf, don't mind read ok.

You will never know why, not ever. It makes sense to W but she has scrambled eggs for brains. Just shrug, go WTF.

This affects your S15 and you are doing amazing dad stuff.

That's more important than anything else ever. Kids come first. Always.

Love is more important than anything and you have a special extra load of it.

V

[LoneWlf]

update- Yesterday did my morning routine. Went to the gym came home and did some job searching. Had to get a tire fixed because of a nail in it. Then made dinner and had dinner with S. he continued to study for exams and I cleaned up. We went to S baseball game where he was the starting pitcher. He pitched a great 2 innings. On the third he pitched good but the team made 3 errors allowing 2 runs. We won the game and S was happy.
We came home and got cleaned up and I got S to lead our bedtime prayers. He said, Thank you for my Dad , for making him a part of my life - for allowing him to be my coach. Help him to find a good job so he can help our family. He also said I pray that you open my Moms heart to love so that she can see the goodness in this family and want to become a part of it.
It makes me feel god that he appreciates what I am trying to do. As I probably mentioned before. I am trying so hard to keep it together on the outside but inside I still feel I have a long way to go. Thank you all for your support!

[RR17]

LW, I know this is difficult. If it were easy there wouldn't be this group.

You have to focus on things other than your M.

Listen and validate your S feelings. Allow him some slack and space.

Focus on you. You contributed to the problems.(as did I in my sitch) Figure out how and how this can be changed. How you can get your God-given masculine energy back and how next time it will be different.

Above all stop focusing on W and how she should behave or feel. I believe this is an all-important lesson.

God bless and good luck.

[LoneWlf]

RR thanks for the lesson as hard as it is to swallow -I must do it. This by far is the hardest thing that i have ever done.