Going out on my own is GAL, but it takes me away from where I want to be...with my kids. Besides that, it just gives my W what she wants...kids and not me.
I try to go with just my kids and my W will join us or take her own car.
Advice?
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Going out on my own is GAL, but it takes me away from where I want to be...with my kids. Besides that, it just gives my W what she wants...kids and not me.
I try to go with just my kids and my W will join us or take her own car.
Advice?
It is really hard to get through to you.
let's just focus on my why you and your W don't ever want to be without the kids ever. That's really not healthy. Sure, I love my daughter more than anything, but I need some time away, with adults only. Most parents do. It's healthy for you, it's healthy for them, and it's healthy for married couples.
Stop making excuses. You cannot stay home to try to keep her away from your BIL. She'll do what she wants. It's doesn't change anything if you lessen their time together. So don't worry about what consequences you actions have on her.
Do you have friends? A hobby? Maybe it's time. it's ok to be a homebody and with your kids, but you have to really find out who you are outside of that. You might be surprised.
Not making excuses. I went out a couple nights ago, met my son at his conxert yesterday.
Im just pointing out that anything that takes me away from my W is also taking me away from my kids. I feel like Im abandoning them when they need me the most.
I do have hobbies...I work on cars, and I race bicycles. The training rides take me away from my family two evenings during the week and Saturday mornings. I usually work outside on projects a good part of Saturday also.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
One of my W complaints in the past was that I would go out of town for races and leave her with the kids. I stopped racing anything but local events a couple years ago and stopped riding on Sundays to spend more time with my family. I madebit a point to go on more of the small out of town trips to visit family...my W travels out of town about every other weekend to see extended family.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Im not trying to be hard headed, I just do not understand what I should be doing...I am out of the house about 10 hours a week texercising/training/being with friends. I have to be home 2 other evenings to take cate of my kids while W is in class.
That leaves me Friday evening and saturday evening through sunday evenings open.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
Maybe thats why I seem stubborn...I already GAL. ...in the past maybe too much according to my wife. One of my 180s a year ago was spending more time with my damily and letting the projects go a bit.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
I know I can take them, nut my wife will try to join us...
She has filed for divorce, so tell her NO! She's in love with your brother-in-law, so tell her NO! The two of you have the oddest dynamic... It doesn't seem real to me... And I contort my mind just trying to get either of you... You both seem extremely stubborn... So set in your behaviors... I would love to shake you both out of what you each find comfortable... But I would be happy to just to get you to come to your senses... But you have to willing... Aye, there's the rub...
My W is convinced that our divorce is our family exactly the same but us living in 2 houses...she actually said that.
Me likely living next door is not going to help this dillusion either. Nor is my sister still inviting my W to stuff...I asked my sister to stop, but she wants tge kids to still see each other...I suggested I am the only one to bring tge kids over
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
I always felt like you should not live next to your W. You need to get space and distance. You can rent that other house out. Your W has to feel your lost and you living next door won't do that.
She is living in a fantasy. She thinks she will be able to come knock on the door and get your assistance anytime she wants or need you.
That's why its so important for you to make her start to feel what it's like to not have you around starting now.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
