I knew i would get this response. Its why i asked before just sending it.
I need to hear why again. I need reinforcement. For some reason my heart is trying to tell me this letter will somehow break through to her.
Humor me Sandi, i know my sitch is basically FUBAR, un-recoverable. She is damaged, broken, selfish to a fault and has no moral compass at all, or guilt/remorse for that matter.
But i need to hear, from her perspective what this letter will do in her heart and mind if i were to send it. I need to hear why i shouldnt, my resolve is very weak today.
It has been 103 days since i have seen, spoken to, heard from or made eye contact with the love of my life, after she had stabbed my heart out, time after time, lie after lie.
I should have moved on by now. Why do i want to send the letter? Why do i think it will make ANY difference??
Please help.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Let me ask you a question, do you think it will help or hinder your goal? In fact, you've stated you don't want her back, so why would you send her the letter?
Help or Hinder? - Steve, i honestly don't know. My gut tells me hinder but I've been dwelling a lot on how i feel her situation with OM is simply to save face, she madea dumb rash decision and basically now i feel like she feels stuck where she is at because the whole affair got blow into the public eye and shes just sticking to her guns to save face. On the other hand she had been "dating" him, EA for a long time before i found out too. There are so many opposing behaviors. I dont get it. Everything about our M seemed exactly what she had always wanted. Her situation with OM is exactly what she always avoided. Everything she had done is contradictory to the person i thought i knew intimately. I cant shake this feeling that there is a part of her that is so ashamed about what she did and heartbroken that its all gone, but at same time she has show behaviors that only display the opposite of that.
"In fact, you've stated you don't want her back, so why would you send her the letter?"
I do want her back, i want the woman i married back, not this monster that has taken her place. I want my family back. Not this. I never wanted to share parenting. I never wanted separate houses.
I want the woman i knew back, not whoever this is. it isnt her. this isnt the woman i know and love.
You need to go back and read sandi's post on Wayward Wives. WWs are NOT the person you thought you knew. The girl you met, wooed, and married is gone. Potentially never to return, at least not on any timetable you might have or want.
So you would not be sending this letter to the girl you married, but to the monster that has taken her place. With that knowledge do you still think it is a good idea to send it?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You need to go back and read sandi's post on Wayward Wives. WWs are NOT the person you thought you knew. The girl you met, wooed, and married is gone. Potentially never to return, at least not on any timetable you might have or want.
I will do that. How does this change happen? what causes it and is it a PERMANENT change? Forever? I don't understand this. How can someone have ideals, morals, boundaries and a plan for their life, and then completely abandon all of those, and literally nuke everything they have worked towards for 5 years? Where is the logic? How is it rationalized at all? It makes no sense, even the lies and slander campaign? We spoke vows of eternal love, and she as far as i know, was already aware of what would happen or she changed her mind 150% within a 4 month time frame. IT DOESN'T COMPUTE.
Originally Posted By: Steve85
So you would not be sending this letter to the girl you married, but to the monster that has taken her place. With that knowledge do you still think it is a good idea to send it?
If it could somehow shock her to reality, then yes. Im just reeling from how much this doesn't make sense to me. it flies in the face of everything i knew about her, everything she ever told me, every desire and hope she had ever expressed.
Im trying so hard to convince myself she isn't narcissistic and unfix-able, that she isn't the monster she has shown herself to be.
Heres the thing. Her past shows this pattern. I didnt know any of this when we met, dated or got engaged. I thought after i learned some of this about her that we were different. That i had finally provided everything she was hoping for, but it really seems she will always want something more, or different.
I live in constant fear that OM will be the one she stays with. This infuriates me. He is inferior, it doesn't make sense. I'm not saying this out of jealousy or spite. He has no morals, he knowingly destroyed his own engagement and my family to be with my wife. He is far less attractive than me, he still lives with his parents. the only thing i can think of is that he is more submissive, more plyable to her will and manipulations, but as long as they are together, i cant seem to let this go. I know i need to detach from her and OM and their situation together but i simply CANNOT. i have tried everything i can think of. I LOVE HER TOO MUCH, SHE GOT ME ADDICTED TOO WELL.
everyone says time heals, i see other people who have been separated far less time than me that are moving on, GAL'ing and detaching successfully. Why can i not do this? why am i failing? Why can i not transfer my hurt, betrayal and pain to confidence, indipendance and freedom of will?
How does she hold such power over me, without even having to talk to me, see me, or anything?
The lack of closure is too much to bear. I dont think ill ever heal without an explanation, some remorse, some actual emotion from her and ill never get it. She doesnt possess it.
Shes just going to hate me forever, and i didnt even do anything to make her hate me.
I feel demasculated, OM is an ugly chump and yet he has gotten all i ever wanted in life. He has stolen my family away from me, and she gave it all to him willingly.
I dont want to scare anyone, but this is literally driving me insane. Im getting to the point where i dont want to do any of this anymore.
I want to burn everything i own, and leave, never to be seen here again. I want to vanish. The pain is too much to live with everyday. its too much, she took all i had.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Detaching and GAL seems like empty words to me. I Been trying for months. Its just getting harder, getting worse.
This back and forth is breaking me, as is the lack of closure, the abandonment, the discard, the loneliness, the deceptions, the fact that MY ENTIRE LIFE WAS A GIANT EFFING LIE.
I want to leave and never look back.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
