Advice on my Scenario Pt.4

[Vanilla]

Oh and your son is three. At that age they don't have the cognitive ability to hate nor be manipulated.

So I think he is being three, kicking off because he doesn't understand. And he will be sensitive to feel your pain too and your body language.

Detatch with love ok. Don't project W onto S3. Kids want to love their parents.

Lots of hugs and play. Lots of chatting and GAL with dad. Go do stuff that's free. Kids love swings and parks and play dates. Swimming and other cool stuff like making things, visiting fire stations, trains and travelling on buses. Zoos and petting parks.

What fun can be had with a blow up paddling pool and ice cream with sprinkles.

V

[OrangeK]

Shes just going to keep strolling trough life, getting what she wants through charm and manipulation.
Each time she purges a mate and a social circle, she will just move on after salting the Earth behind her.
I will never get closure.
I will never get justice.
I will never truly heal.
I will never truly trust again.
So much of my life has been uprooted, my finances, my morals, my outlook, my sucsess.

When do the scales balance?
It isnt friggin' fair.

She is an adult, as much as mentally she is not, she needs to deal with the rammifcations of her actions!
She cant hide behind the legal system and her parents from everyone, forever.
It doesnt make sense, she shouldnt get to stroll through life like this unopposed and victorious in her deceit and manipulation.

I want OM to see her true stripes, not for any reason of my own, but just so he would dump her and leave her alone and hurt, where she deserves to be.

I hate feeling vindictive like this.
I did everything the right way, when i was told i was having a child in 3 months, i ignored the lies about the preg and stepped up to the plate.

I was an attentive husband, i took care of her, cooked for her, cleaned the house, did my fair share of parenting, spent all my spare time and money on her and S3.
She spent her spare time seeing OM when i was working.
She spent her spare money on herself.
She thought of her wants before our sons needs and development.

WHY THE HELL DOES SHE COME OUT ON TOP?
its enough to drive one mad.

Its been 7 months since she left Vanilla. NC for 3 months. Literally not a word exchanged between us.

Why am i still so angry? Why cant i just let what she did go?
Why do i have this undying need for closure and justice?
Why do i fantisize about telling her all the things she did wrong, and fantasize about her accepting it and taking resposibility and apologizing, when i know that is never going to happen. She doesnt feel bad, she doesnt feel anything. She is dead inside.
WHY DO I CARE STILL?
why am i so co-dependant?
I hate being alone.
And all this anger leads to feelings of loss, unfairness, and missing her, or her fabricated avatar anyway.

I have seen IC's
I have been GAL
I have been NC
I have focused on my physical shape, S3, other activities.
NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

I still run through the same cycles of tumultuous emotions each week.
I still miss her a lot of times.
I still sexually fantasize about her. A LOT
I've still yet to see or meet a woman i find equally or more attractive.
i want to hold and be held by her.
I WANT HER TO HONOR HER F***ING VOWS.

I still keenly feel the loss of my family, my home, my SONS HOME. (which he still asks about frequently)

I also feel like he doesn't misbehave for her like he does for me. He cries "MMMAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAA" when hes upset around me, and wants no consolement from me.

Just feels like ill be in this limbo forever, and it will repell any woman who comes my way.
I dont want to date a woman with kids, and I know thats selfish.

I didnt want to raise my son alone, or with someone other than Wife. I never wanted her sharing parenting with any OM.
I dont think its healthy.
I see what growing up in a family with multiple divorces did to her. I dont want that for my son.

She Deliberately destroyed everything. Knowingly, premeditated, and calculated.
Why do i still harbor ANY positive feelings for a monster like that?

A lot of times i dont even want to be a dad anymore. I never asked for it, it was forced on me without my consent or input, and i was lied to about it for months.
I stepped up and did the right thing, and what did it get me?
Divorcing, arrested, slandered and destroyed.

you all have been so helpful and supportive, but I'm about out of gas.

I want to burn all i own, walk into the sunset and not look back.

[OrangeK]

I see people on here concerned if they are pursuing, or that they have an in -house separation, or MC isn't going as well as they'd like.
I'm honestly jealous of all of you.
You children are still in their own home and bedroom.
You can actually choose whether or not you want to speak with your WS, and can gauge reactions and the development of DBing as you go. You might still save your marriage, your WS admits to conflicting feelings between you and AP, or there is no Affair.

I am left in the dark, no explanations, no closure, no chances, no hope, No justice, or fairness for myself or S3.
I would be thrilled to be in the position a lot of you are.
At least you MIGHT have a chance, at least your WS is CAPABLE of possessing emotions, feeling guilt and remorse, that your entire marriage wasn't a pre-meditated lie.

Sorry to be the Lord King of Pessimists lately folks, but people said "vent here not IRL"
I am an industrial exhaust fan of venting.

[Vanilla]

Vent away. It's ok.

I don't have a child and my predominant reaction isn't anger.

ALL you are experiencing is normal when you are a target of these creatures. The cold manipulative disordered ones.

So your sitch is in the minority here of being abused by a psychopath. With all the attractive traits that go with it.

They map your desires to hook you as a supply resource. It's not real. They do that for themselves and it is unfair and awful to be a target. They become a new person for the next target.

So vent away.

V

[OrangeK]

Vanilla,

What do i do? please, advice me. the normal techniques arent working. they arent designed for my situation. I have tried everything i can think of to get over this, at least a little.
nothing is working.
I am still addicted.
i am still hooked.
Logic isnt defeating emotion like it should.
its killing me.
its. killing. me.

[Newly20]

Orange,
I too am jealous of all the folks with In house seperations, the ones who still get to see their wives and GAL while they sit at home wondering. My WAW left the house 2 weeks after BD, and only 6 weeks since seperation and she has already filed for divorce! Even though she swore up and down that D didn't matter and it would be at least a year before she thought about filing.

Everyone's case is different. We just need to make the best with what we have. Keep up with your GAL. Make yourself better. You have no idea if any of what your doing is affecting your W, but it doesn't matter as these things are for you. She is not going to tell you anything positive. She probably cant even tell herself anything positive. I feel you, doing all the things for the family and staying 100% honest and loyal, and they turn around and piss it all away. I have the same feelings as you!

No closure
Will i be able to trust again
Will i ever reach the other side
How long will this take to forget

It's easier to say than to live by it but....TIME IS YOUR FRIEND. Take it a day at a time, keep posting here. Vent whatever is on your mind, dont be bummed if you dont get responses, keep POSTING. People listen. If anything you can look back at your post in the future and see how far you've come.

[mtb1981]

Keep your head up, Orange. I was venting to a friend last night about how sh!tty my life is, and he told me, "Your life isn't sh!tty, just your current situation". And you know what, he's right. This is all temporary. As hard as it may be, I've made the desision to stay positive. Any time I'm feeling down, she wins. Whether she is around to see it or not. And I've made it my goal to not let her win. You say that your W has it all and is getting everything she wants, but it seems to me like she's a real piece of crap. I would rather be a good person going through a rough time than a piece of crap always getting my way. And that's what makes us better than them. You'll be fine, dude. Like my buddy said last night, "Your life isn't sh!tty, just your current situation"...

[OrangeK]

My WAW left the house 2 weeks after BD, and only 6 weeks since seperation and she has already filed for divorce!

Newly, this surely [censored]. However at least you can still communicate.
Also, it sounds more like a Knee jerk reaction from your Wife. If i had to guess, I'd say in a few weeks time she may have second thoughts. SHe was probably looking for a shock response. Keep DBing andf GAL and she will see the changes. give it some time. you still have hope.

You have no idea if any of what your doing is affecting your W

I have my guesses, none of them good, but at this point I dont care what is affecting her, unless its to make her own up to her sh!tty behaviors. I hope she feels guilt, i hope she feels shame. I dont think she does, or at least has packaged it away in a dark corner of her mind, and justified it.

If anything you can look back at your post in the future and see how far you've come.

This is a good point. I look forward to laughing at all of this in a few years time.

[OrangeK]

As hard as it may be, I've made the desision to stay positive. Any time I'm feeling down, she wins.

Excellent way of looking at it. I wont let her win, she may have taken some battles, but i shall stand the victor of the war (bad metaphor i know, as i am trying to be positive, but hey. She fired the first shot)

You say that your W has it all and is getting everything she wants, but it seems to me like she's a real piece of crap. I would rather be a good person going through a rough time than a piece of crap always getting my way. And that's what makes us better than them. You'll be fine, dude. Like my buddy said last night, "Your life isn't sh!tty, just your current situation"...

"You say that your W has it all and is getting everything she wants, but it seems to me like she's a real piece of crap."

She certainly is. lol. this made me laugh just because of the bluntness of it. haha. I know time will show the truth of the matter, and it will also defeat her as she never plans for the future, never thinks about anybody but herself, and how people can serve her needs and desires. Any person living life like that is eventually going to step on landmines.

"I would rather be a good person going through a rough time than a piece of crap always getting my way"

Also true. There is value in being the bigger person for sure. When my soon is a teenager and can see who his parents really are, it will be worth it then.
I just hope she hits RB and gets some help before then.
Not holding my breath.



Imma keep riding the roller-coaster and eventually it will come to a stop and ill catch the eye of a pretty lass as i go bnack out the turnstile.

[JujuB]

No, no, no. Dont be jealous of others on the board that are still living with and pining for spouses that are cheatung and making fools of them.

You have a gift. The gift of knowing the truth. You now finally know what shes capable of. Hl dangerou for people who dont. Or who wont see.

A lot of people on here like to say that they are waiting for their apouses to hit rock bottom, so that maybe they will return.

I think we have to hit rock bottom. Theres freedom in knowing that there's no way to go but up. Thats where you are now.

Anger can take a long time. And i feel exactly as you do regarding the unfairness of your ex. But i think its a better place to be then wishing for them back. Cause then that gives them power to take advantage and expolit you. And they will if the can. But you know that now.