WAW? Would Love Opinions. Part 14

[Vanilla]

Do that which you have to do for your Ds. For instance offer to have them whilst her moving is happening.

And that is it. I agree with Blu.

V

[Ginger1]

J9-

I have been here since 2008, been divorced/separated ever since, my daughter was 6 months old at the time, and I was fairly young. He and his OW just celebrated their 7th wedding anniversary. I was the absolute worst Db'er. I hated his guts for all the horrible stuff he had done. None of my behaviors were consistent. I was trying to win him back while I hated him. That didn't work. We didn't do anything for eachother...... I refused to meet OW for a very long time, I didn't even met her until after they were married.

Long story short, I was a horrible Db'er, but I have been somewhat of a model ex w. I let go of the hate and anger, I distanced myself, detached, and it was until I had no love left for this man, have I been able to be the model exW. And by "model" I do it for my daughter. I am cordial with OWW. I would actually rather deal with her than ex. We do things together. But I take care of myself and he takes care of himself. Once in a blue moon we will help eachother with something that might be something we are good at..... but we can only do that because we are so far removed.

My point is, this soon, you are not indifferent. You might tell yourself that, but like blu said, moving her could be a trigger for you. Why place yourself in that position? Like I said, it wasn't very nice of her to place you in that position either. She can pick up a phone and call a moving company. That's what I did the many times I had to move post-divorce. You have proven yourself to be a man only a fool would leave. You don't need to do it anymore.

I see an IC. I have brought a specific behavior that it took me a while to realize I even possess. I tend to subject myself to painful situations to see if I can handle them. To see how emotionally strong I am. To see how much pain I can take.

But why? Why do that? It's ok to not engage in situations that are unnecessary. That might trigger negative feelings.

You say there will be awkward situations when you introduce new people, ect. What is even more awkward and can cause problems down the road for everyone involved is when you are dating someone and still acting like a husband to your exW. Your new GF isn't going to appreciate that, and I wouldn't blame her one bit. Then you stop the niceties and your ex w gets mad. Then you switch dynamics all over again.

This is two fold why I say what I do. One is not setting a precedent. It won't benefit any of you in the long run. 2) it is not unreasonable to say no, and quite frankly, she was unreasonable to even put you in that position.

You have the right to think about how this might affect you. It might lead to more resentment, quite honestly, and that wouldn't help the situation anymore.

[TBSakaJ9]

I feel like I am the little brother and my sisters are coming to stand up for me. It is truly heart warming and brings tears to my eyes.

I will definitely re-think my position as it is not too late since she doesn't move for over a month.

I don't think I am mentally stronger than anyone else but I do think I do a good job of channeling my anger. For me it is a slow burn and I have made it my mission to punish my STBXW for what she has done. I am going to make her regret what she did, how she did it and why she thought it was necessary. Every time I think about skipping a day at the gym, not going to church, eating something unhealthy, not finishing up that book, or not arranging a meet up with my buddies I just picture her smiling face I am not the type to yell or scream, I won't punish her directly but I will make her pay you can count on that. She has to see me every week for the next 12 years and I won't forget it.

Is that better

[TBSakaJ9]

G, that is heart breaking. I don't blame you for hating his guts, I could never imagine doing that to my W or anyone else for that matter. It shows what kind of person are to be able to overcome

My point is, this soon, you are not indifferent. You might tell yourself that, but like blu said, moving her could be a trigger for you. Why place yourself in that position

I will definitely re-evaluate my position all of you have given me something to think about and I definitely don't want to go backwards. I guess there was a part of me that was thinking that I saw this through until the end, through the complete transition to her permanent place then I could tell her J9 is done.

You have proven yourself to be a man only a fool would leave. You don't need to do it anymore.

Thanks G, that means a lot. Maybe I have got too wrapped up with trying to be perfect. I have taken everything anyone has ever said to me or posted to heart. I never took anything lightly and only did it for myself.

I need to see how I feel when I walk out of the court room on Thursday.

I see an IC. I have brought a specific behavior that it took me a while to realize I even possess. I tend to subject myself to painful situations to see if I can handle them. To see how emotionally strong I am. To see how much pain I can take.

I was in IC for almost a year, I need to make an apt to start back up again in case I have something come up. You guys are really making me think. One of my issues is looking for people to fix which is what attracted me to my w because she was so different than your stereotypical female. Thank you!

But why? Why do that? It's ok to not engage in situations that are unnecessary. That might trigger negative feelings.

True, there is no reason other than to live up to the standards I have set for myself. I will see this through to the end and walk away with my head held high. I don't want to be a martyr and I don't want to be her errand boy for years to come. With that said I know she won't stop and at some point I am going to have to say "no" I am done.

Your new GF isn't going to appreciate that, and I wouldn't blame her one bit. Then you stop the niceties and your ex w gets mad. Then you switch dynamics all over again.

you are 100% right and I wouldn't blame her. I am going to have to take a step back at some point in time and I do know when that happens the dynamics will change. It is unfair to the person in my next R so it is going to happen at some point. My W can't have the best of both worlds which is what I believe she is trying to hang onto. It's not fair to me either.

I have also had the D process in the back of my mind and getting through it amicable for our D's and so neither one of us tried to take advantage. I have always tried to think big picture and what my actions will mean long term.

You have the right to think about how this might affect you. It might lead to more resentment, quite honestly, and that wouldn't help the situation anymore.

I will definitely be putting more thought to it and I really do appreciate all of your insight and support. Like I said earlier I don't want to go backwards.

I could feel completely different when I walk out of that court room on Thursday.

[InFocus]

I feel like I am the little brother and my sisters are coming to stand up for me. It is truly heart warming and brings tears to my eyes.

I will definitely re-think my position as it is not too late since she doesn't move for over a month.

I don't think I am mentally stronger than anyone else but I do think I do a good job of channeling my anger. For me it is a slow burn and I have made it my mission to punish my STBXW for what she has done. I am going to make her regret what she did, how she did it and why she thought it was necessary. Every time I think about skipping a day at the gym, not going to church, eating something unhealthy, not finishing up that book, or not arranging a meet up with my buddies I just picture her smiling face I am not the type to yell or scream, I won't punish her directly but I will make her pay you can count on that. She has to see me every week for the next 12 years and I won't forget it.

Is that better

High five brother!

[MRay]

I don't think I am mentally stronger than anyone else but I do think I do a good job of channeling my anger. For me it is a slow burn and I have made it my mission to punish my STBXW for what she has done. I am going to make her regret what she did, how she did it and why she thought it was necessary. Every time I think about skipping a day at the gym, not going to church, eating something unhealthy, not finishing up that book, or not arranging a meet up with my buddies I just picture her smiling face I am not the type to yell or scream, I won't punish her directly but I will make her pay you can count on that. She has to see me every week for the next 12 years and I won't forget it.

This is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am also not the type to yell and scream, but I have anger that I need to channel. This is how I plan to channel it.

[Maika]

J dawg - I can't add to the wise words of others that have already chimed in. In other news, it's a bottle called Basil Hayden Kentucky Bourbon - supposedly pretty decent. I haven't opened it yet.

For me it is a slow burn and I have made it my mission to punish my STBXW for what she has done. I am going to make her regret what she did, how she did it and why she thought it was necessary. Every time I think about skipping a day at the gym, not going to church, eating something unhealthy, not finishing up that book, or not arranging a meet up with my buddies I just picture her smiling face smile I am not the type to yell or scream, I won't punish her directly but I will make her pay you can count on that. She has to see me every week for the next 12 years and I won't forget it.

AMEN BROTHA!!! Precisely how I am channeling my anger now. The slow burn. Every small milestone is a notch up to where I want to be. She's going to hella regret how she did this and what she lost out on. I do got ladies checking me out and I know that I could make moves. Gonna happen soon. You keep at it man! That phenomenal woman is going to come and find you and is not going to let you go.

[Jim1234]

J, I kind of agree with most of the posters suggesting you rethink this. To me, the question is, "Will I enjoy this more than other things I want to be doing on my day off?" I don't think there's a universal right answer, but for me, the answer is I can think of a dozen things I would rather do than move someone, anyone, much less my ex.

I'll toast you on the 12th, too.....

[TBSakaJ9]

M - Yeah, Basil is good I have had it a few times. Take a pull tonight to get your palate ready

J - Grab some Bourbon and we can have a virtual toast!

Thank you all for stopping by and I am happy to provide inspiration to anyone that reads. It is very inspirational to me and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I will see you all Thursday

[TBSakaJ9]

Gm all....got a good workout in this am but I broke down on my run, I really feel the anger this am....journaling helps get it out. Court in 2 hrs, I don't want to break down in the middle of it so I'll take all the prayers and vibes you got...see you on the other aide.