"I guess that I have not listened enough your will to end our relationship. Since you are not committed to our reconciliation, the MC does not make sense. I have not seen any active steps from you´re side, but you just hang along. You clearly have an issues to solve for your self, where I cannot help you. So go and grow. I know that I deserve something better. I want a woman who want´s to be with me or nothing."
Anyways, W called me today and I pretty much said what I mentioned above. It feels such a huge relief - like a big weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I feel that I have taken my stand that I deserve better than being in limbo for years. Of course, at the same time I feel very sad. And frightened about will I ever learn to love again.
If you want our take on things, you need to wait 48 hrs, at least, before you act on it. I think the book recommends 72 hrs......so, that would be even better. If you are going to act on emotions anyway.......why bother asking the board? See what I mean? Your impatience is another emotion you aren't controlling very well.
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"I´m so deeply sorry and sad that I can´t (get back feelings for me)!! I know that you have changed. You have worked so hard to save our relationship.... I´m so deeply sad and disappointed to myself, that it has not changed my feelings for you. I think that it happened too late.. everything happened too late.. I miss you and us terribly much" And she also sent: "Should we just go to the counselling one more time, to address these feelings and having closure?"
I don´t know how to answer the last message... I know it would not likely change anything, but still the obsessed me would want to check that out...
You know you are going! In fact, I'd bet you've already told her that you wanted one more session. And, if the MC can instruct you in the best way to communicate in the future, then fine. On the other hand.......if you use the session as another opportunity to share your feelings, then I'd recommend against it. However, I think you'll do it anyway, b/c you can't help yourself!
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One more question to the board: What if she asks that can we date others now if we stop MC? Should I just reply that you do what you want and I do what I want?
Don't be naive. She's already dating, and she's not going to ask for permission. If she asks.......it will only be so she won't feel that she has to hide it from you. The OM was with her when he gave the teddy bear to your daughter. There was no accidental meeting at the same event. Your W was just covering her tracks b/c she knew the child would probably say something to tip you off.
As someone has already mentioned, you are your worst enemy at the moment. You've got to stop your mouth from the runs. And for goodness sake, stop saying things to her that you pick up from the board. Like, telling her you deserve better, etc. What is meant for your ears, aren't necessarily meant for her ears.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
