I do get concerned that I go about my business and then he throws me a breadcrumb... I put to much into it.
I made a resolve to do better yesterday.
I'm glad I said thank you for the bed making. I don't even remember noticing it until he left for work but I'm sure he probably did it when I left the house to give us both some space. But, I know he wanted me to notice.
We are back on our opposite schedules so will only be seeing him at most an hour total each 24hr the next several days. I will remember NOT to text or call but given our lifestyle its always been the way we communicated necessary things like appointments and things going on.
I will remember NOT to text or call but given our lifestyle its always been the way we communicated necessary things like appointments and things going on.
I know I have to wait for him to text me.
Do you have kids? If not, as far as appointments, let him make his own. If you do, just leave a note for him with appointments, etc., where he will see it (I put stuff by H's lunchbox).
Be strong. Right now there is nothing that you need to text to him that can't be done in a note, unless it's an absolute emergency.
Don't ask about his activities, don't ask how his day was (this one was hard for me, but I'm getting better at it). When you are both home at the same time, go to a separate room, to do whatever it is you want to do. I am slowly getting better at detaching, realizing that I will be okay, whatever the outcome.
You will be ok too.
Me-44,H-44 S21,S19,S17,D13 M-22,T-29 (off and on prior to M) BD:12-20-17 (H said he had things to work out in his head) H moved out:3-4-18
H hates notes. He only wants texts. I've been good. Outside of the thank you I only text in response to his if it's needed.
It's hard.
My identity is wrapped into doing his laundry... actually everyone's. Doing the cooking and cleaning. It's hard to back off and leave him to fold his own laundry.
Got home from work and let H know its after 7pm... he is still sleeping and time for him to get up.
I went about changing clothes from work to work out. Because I got home so late I didn't even bother making dinner.
H goes about in the kitchen getting flustered with something. Then heads out to the garage and starts cussing. I ignored and didn't go see what the issue was. He can see me working out in the other room.
He only stepped into the room to ask me if I had any plans for the pinapple. I asked that he leave me a little and he can the rest. He said he would take it tomorrow. I keep working out.
He then leaves and doesn't even say goodbye or I will see you tomorrow.
He seemed annoyed.
Now I have the rest of the night to sit and stew if I did this right.
Now I have the rest of the night to sit and stew if I did this right.
I think you did just fine. We all start some where. Don't stew on it. Keep it up. Trust me, it gets easier.
As far as your H not liking notes, my opinion, leave a note. He wants out, you have to do what's best for you. So if that means no direct communication, so be it.
Me-44,H-44 S21,S19,S17,D13 M-22,T-29 (off and on prior to M) BD:12-20-17 (H said he had things to work out in his head) H moved out:3-4-18
So H came home from work. I'm getting ready for work. I do say Good Morning to him and I am cheerful. I go do my own thing and I'm sitting in another room knitting until time to go to work.
H comes in and sits in same room. I'm trying to be cool. He starts talking about a performance bonus he is getting soon. I ask 1 question and that's it. He then talks about something on the car that didn't get fixed and wanted to see the invoice. I go and get it and just ask that he leave it on the table when done.
H leaves room and I suspect that he is done with what he needed. He returns to tell me that woman that he works with is crocheting another blanket and he was hoping to talk her into giving it to him.
I'm stunned. H asked me to knit a blanket for him a long time ago and he uses it nearly daily. When I finished he said it was exactly what he wanted. Now its not... and he wants another woman to make him something???
Yes - I was hurt. I tried not to show it but he could see it. He said he wasn't trying to hurt me. Of course I wanted to defend myself and state why his blanket was made the way it was but now he points out the flaws... it is a chunky yarn and its loose because its double knit but very HEAVY and very WARM. Again, he states I wasn't trying to hurt you and you can see I use it every day.
I left for work feeling terrible. I thought I was cool last night and he did come into the room I was sitting in this AM but then to end on this note of I guess jealousy on my part? :-(
So I got to work and I texted: I understand you weren't wanting to hurt my feelings and you were just sharing about your day and friends at work. I should have just listened to you talk about Amber's crochet and not take it personally. I can do better.
I know he read the text but there was no response.
Did I make it worse by texting? Should I have just left it alone? I'm trying to act "as if" but I stumbled for sure.
He returns to tell me that woman that he works with is crocheting another blanket and he was hoping to talk her into giving it to him.
I'm stunned. H asked me to knit a blanket for him a long time ago and he uses it nearly daily. When I finished he said it was exactly what he wanted. Now its not... and he wants another woman to make him something???
Kit, I think your H is playing the "I'm miserable so YOU should be too game." Don't let his words and actions determine how you feel. Think about a 6YO having a temper tantrum when H does this, or is in the other room swearing. As soon as you feel that hurt, just say to yourself, "Oh yeah, tantrum time. H might need his binkie."
Originally Posted By: KitCat
Did I make it worse by texting? Should I have just left it alone? I'm trying to act "as if" but I stumbled for sure.
Worse? I don't think so. Just don't expect a response. And in the future, don't send it.
I really got the vibe this am that he just wanted to talk and hang out.
I think his intention with the comment about the coworker crocheting was more to show me he can talk about the things I'm interested in? Of course it came out wrong and triggered jealously in me which I masked as best I could. Still he could tell I was hurt.
So H shut down and went to other room convinced we can't communicate and therefore shouldn't be married.
I was never a jealous wife but since we started having issues it's been a horrible feeling. I've even been jealous of my SD16 because he spends good quality happy time with her. Ugh... I always felt so secure with H before.
