Hi H.....I think sometimes we forget that no matter what steps we take there is another party involved. It is sad but so true. I think I will probably start to experience some more anger as we move through the financial portion of this.
In our county we have to go to mediation first before it would ever go before a judge. I definitely know there will be attorney's involved as I know neither one of us would want to go through this process without one. I think we will contact attorneys, get the ball rolling and rely on our ability to communicate between each other to hopefully avoid mediation. Like my Judge friend told me there is no need for mediation if you can agree. The more things you can agree on the better.
I say all this now but obviously depending on how my W approaches things it could change.
I handled all of our finances, from the monthly budget to all of our investing. The W really does not have a clue about any of it. The frustrating part for me and where the anger comes in is everything that we have planned for and had been working towards for years is being blown up. With n o desire on her part to work on things. That really torques me.
This is exactly what I have in my head when I get to this fork in the road. I think I am a few months away from this due to the separation waiting period, but I believe W is going to bring this up and I can be ready for it.
It definitely makes it easier to say something like this once you start feeling confident. I think sometimes we forget they have a choice in this as well and if they really want to recon they shouldn't be approaching it by playing jedi mind tricks. I guess there just comes a time where you have to take a stand.
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As you know, I've been following your sitch closely and I feel like I know you like a brother and this turn of events just made me feel really sad yesterday. But the best of this is that you didn't compromise your values and integrity throughout this process. Of course it's not over.
You and LH are like brothers from another mother! I have not cried for a long time but I have been real close again since yesterday so I do feel some sadness, disappointment, a little anger and frustration all over again. Truthfully it is like a mini version of BD.
I am happy with how I have conducted myself and have no regrets. I stayed true to who I am, made some improvements for me but obviously my W or STBXW has a choice as well.
I really can say with 100% certainty that my W is a fool. I have no idea if she will ever have any regrets however I know that some lady is going to be very lucky.
I will continue to DB, I am not going out like a chump.
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You can DB the best you can but sometimes it's just done and done the day they walk out. But what I take comfort in, and hope you do too, is LH's signature and 'not ever trying to convince someone to be with you'.
So true, it just depends on the spouse and that is the part we can't control. LH's signature is so true, I will not try to convince her of anything. I remember right before we got married she wanted to leave me and move to be with her family. I remember us laying in bed talking about it and remember it like yesterday. I remember us both crying and I told her if she wanted to go then she needs to go if that is going to make her happy.
Going through this is really the same situation on a larger scale but if she wants to go and thinks that it will make her happy then she needs to go for it and not make any apologies.
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Sorry that DB hasn't been able to save your MR, but I am so glad that it saved you.
It has definitely saved me and has helped shape me into a more aware and confident person.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/25/1804:46 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
