You are still trying to find some solace in hoping to convince her to change her mind. I will repeat this because you NEED to come to terms with this. You have said in posts previously that you have - but clearly you havent - so I will say it again.
You NEED I repeat NEED…. To come to terms with the fact that NOTHING you do or think is going to fix this situation and your Wife wants out.
The mistake you (and a lot of us made) is building our life around our W.
This is very co-dependent. Every body needs to accept FULL responsibility for their own life and happiness.
Your W leaving you will obviously hurt, but your Life and your happiness is up to you NOT her.
Probably you are right, but I quite honestly do no know where to start. When I had a glimpse of hope, I was fully motivated, went to gym on more regular basis, lost 25 pounds. But now it seems that everything does not bring me any satisfaction.
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Why should she give you another chance? - You are trying to control her and convince her she is making the wrong decision. In her world.. She is making the RIGHT decision.. So by you holding onto this hope that she will just give you "one more chance" is a complete waste of time.
I know and that actually is what depresses me. It seems I ran out of options.
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This is a life changing event and you need to treat it as such. You need to MAN up and be strong. Cry if you need to - let it all out.. But at the end of the day - NO amount of moaning, crying, begging is either positive or going to get your W back. She will not be attracted to you begging etc..
No begging. As I have said I am done with that. I felt the urge to do so, I have done it, and as you all advised here, I have failed.
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You need to become a new man. This is such hard work and is very painful - but you need to go through the pain so you can heal and move on. Stop trying to fix things quickly - this is going to take potentially years of effort before she would even consider having you as a partner again.
Yes, probably. I am just afraid she will get serious with someone, and my children will be raised in another family. Seeing her with another man is hard enough, but kids...
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One final thing - stop looking for clues in every single move she makes, or text message she sends… It will drive you crazy.
I do not do that. I know she feels petty for me and my situation, and she wants to stay friends. Hence her trying to be nice. But she also is involved in EA.
Exercise is a must you should be hitting the gym 4-6 times a week. Lift weights 3 days and do cardio 3 days. Running is a great way to ease some of the pain.
Do you have friends you can hang out with? If not google meet up groups online.
If you get time go through ATPEACE's thread. Your story reminds me a lot of his and he is starting to realize his life isn't over.
You have to try to get your $hit together. I know this sounds harsh but you seem very weak and needy and that my friend is a big turn off for women.
There are no shortcuts in this race you have to put the hard work in to see any results. Start reading self help books especially ones in regards to alpha male traits.
Keep in mind that this is a marathon and not a sprint and I absolutely promise you it does get better.
The fact that you need to ask for advise on what to do to get a life for yourself speaks volumes.
(I was similar - I am not being nasty)
The fact that your are so lost, should immediately tell you where you went wrong in your relationship i.e. A women wants a man who knows what he wants. You clearly don't because you sacrificed that for your family. Even though I understand why you did it, you still fell into the trap that thousands of divorced men fell into.
Even though I am sure you are a great guy, are you still the strong minded individual you potential where before you met?
Im sure deep down you know that you changed.
You need to get that back.
Read that co dependant no more book and gym are a good start.
Choose something that scares the h3ll out of you and forces you to face your innermost fears. If you're not ready for that, then look for something that requires focus, attention, and if possible, interaction with other people.
I started doing home improvement projects. I know that doesn't sound scary, but I took on a few things that, if I'd screwed up, would've been very costly to repair. And, with all of the saws and power tools, I had to pay attention or risk losing some fingers. I also had a lot of interaction with people (the Home Depot crew and all of the neighbors stopping by to see what I was doing).
Try some things; anything. The key to success is to find something that really motivates you, makes you happy and keeps your mind off your marital issues.
The fact that you need to ask for advise on what to do to get a life for yourself speaks volumes.
(I was similar - I am not being nasty)
No hard feelings, my best friend that is aware of situation, gives me some cold showers as well. I need it now.
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The fact that your are so lost, should immediately tell you where you went wrong in your relationship i.e. A women wants a man who knows what he wants. You clearly don't because you sacrificed that for your family. Even though I understand why you did it, you still fell into the trap that thousands of divorced men fell into.
100% true.
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Even though I am sure you are a great guy, are you still the strong minded individual you potential where before you met?
Im sure deep down you know that you changed.
You need to get that back.
When we met I was 2 years out of my first divorce, being very motivated and having that fire inside me. I do not have it now, nore did I have it in the last years.
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Read that co dependant no more book and gym are a good start.
Exercise is a must you should be hitting the gym 4-6 times a week. Lift weights 3 days and do cardio 3 days. Running is a great way to ease some of the pain.
Did that, need to restart.
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Do you have friends you can hang out with? If not google meet up groups online.
As I have said, very few here in town. While I am not very introvert, it is quite hard to make friends in Germany. Locals are mostly very reserved.
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If you get time go through ATPEACE's thread. Your story reminds me a lot of his and he is starting to realize his life isn't over.
Could not find one. Can you point to it?
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You have to try to get your $hit together. I know this sounds harsh but you seem very weak and needy and that my friend is a big turn off for women.
Doing my best not to be, but inside I am.
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There are no shortcuts in this race you have to put the hard work in to see any results. Start reading self help books especially ones in regards to alpha male traits.
Any particular ones?
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Keep in mind that this is a marathon and not a sprint and I absolutely promise you it does get better.
Good luck my friend!
Yeah. It is difficult to maintain the pace, when you see no finish line.
Glad you can see the advise for what it is. Harsh and to the point, but the main focus is to help you.
We are team MAV82 here and we are here to advise you were possible.
One thing no one can offer is a magic wand to change things.
Bizarrely enough, when you stop focusing on what you 'think' you need, and start putting your time and effort into what you know deep down you have to do.. the things that you 'thought' you needed will come to you without you even chasing it. Or you will release you never actually wanted it in the first place.
Glad you can see the advise for what it is. Harsh and to the point, but the main focus is to help you.
We are team MAV82 here and we are here to advise you were possible.
One thing no one can offer is a magic wand to change things.
Bizarrely enough, when you stop focusing on what you 'think' you need, and start putting your time and effort into what you know deep down you have to do.. the things that you 'thought' you needed will come to you without you even chasing it. Or you will release you never actually wanted it in the first place.
