This is exactly what yesterdays evening helped me. I actually was implementing changes with with, with a back-thought of impressing her. I realize it is waste of time now.
No shame in that at all.
Just keep that thought in the back of your mind before not only 'doing' things, but also the things you 'say' also.
You will probably need to watch your behaviors and thoughts now more than at any point in your life. But as we all keep saying it takes time.
My W moved out and it lasted 8 months.
Did all of grovelling etc.. you have done, been called abusive, divorce papers were applied for etc...
We started sating again for 4 months and she moved back home in November and the relationship is 100% different but better.
Im not saying yours will end well... what im saying is it takes time and you will be up and down and spin around... but you will survive and be in a better place at the end. Just have some faith in yourself
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I want to move forward. If she joins me, I will make sure she will not regret it. But for now, I need to move forward.
P.S. Did your wife had and affair or was there OM on the radar? Just wondering.
I lrobably couldnhave broke her with that at the very beginning, now not.
So were you trying to break her? Be honest.
I think you'll find she has little empathy for you, now. It is much, much better for a man to show inner strength, calmness, and confidence. No begging, and no crying in front of her.....ever! If you feel close to tears, run to the bathroom and bury your head in a stack of towels, or go outside, but don't let her know you are crying over her/situation.
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But I feel I cannot be a full man here, where everything is a reminder of her.
This is your decision, but you may want to try just living physically separated from her before leaving the country. What about your children? Are you okay living in a different country from them?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This is your decision, but you may want to try just living physically separated from her before leaving the country. What about your children? Are you okay living in a different country from them?
We already live separated since December. Children, are the ones I love more than anything, but I am affraid I will break here. I am sure she will find someone quite quickly. She actually openly stated she has her options, and I trust her on that. For me it will take longer and seeing her dating will just kill me.
Today i really feel myself down. Again the urge to call her and tell her how much I love her.
Well if you want to make things worse then go right ahead.
I did say this would happen yesterday.
You are NOT unique. So if you want to start to turn things around you need to listen to people who have been down this path before and get your head back into the game.
Your W is gone.
You need to make peace with that fact. Its harsh but its true. You lived before her... and you will live after her. That relationship is not your life - it was a part of your life.
So now you have more time for yourself - first job is to stop spinning.
Order this book - codependant no more - Melanie Beattie.
You either get a grip or you are going to make things worse. You can and will do this but you need to take a deep breath and get your sh*t in order.
Today i really feel myself down. Again the urge to call her and tell her how much I love her.
Well if you want to make things worse then go right ahead.
I did say this would happen yesterday.
You are NOT unique. So if you want to start to turn things around you need to listen to people who have been down this path before and get your head back into the game.
Your W is gone.
You need to make peace with that fact. Its harsh but its true. You lived before her... and you will live after her. That relationship is not your life - it was a part of your life.
So now you have more time for yourself - first job is to stop spinning.
Order this book - codependant no more - Melanie Beattie.
You either get a grip or you are going to make things worse. You can and will do this but you need to take a deep breath and get your sh*t in order.
I am trying to grip. I do not going to contact her for these matters. I was just sharing. I will get the book, thank you.
Any ideas how to "counter" her 180s? She is showing on FB that she is interested in variety of concerts and other stuf she never was before. I have say it really hurts me.
I guess just ignoring and doing own stuff is the best.
Again a hard morning. Woke-up early, but could not get my ass out of the bed before I really needed to.
What really-really makes me sad, is her stubbornness and full assurance she is doing the right thing by not giving me any chance to change the situation.
I have also cancelled the counseling session. You are right - there is no need to proceed if she sees it as divorce counseling. Still not sure how to move with my life forward.
W suggested I can play with kids on Saturday morning and then we have a lunch and do some financial stuff, I agreed.
P.S. Still do not know how to move on with my life.
You are still trying to find some solace in hoping to convince her to change her mind. I will repeat this because you NEED to come to terms with this. You have said in posts previously that you have - but clearly you havent - so I will say it again.
You NEED I repeat NEED…. To come to terms with the fact that NOTHING you do or think is going to fix this situation and your Wife wants out.
The mistake you (and a lot of us made) is building our life around our W.
This is very co-dependent. Every body needs to accept FULL responsibility for their own life and happiness.
Your W leaving you will obviously hurt, but your Life and your happiness is up to you NOT her.
Why should she give you another chance? - You are trying to control her and convince her she is making the wrong decision. In her world.. She is making the RIGHT decision.. So by you holding onto this hope that she will just give you "one more chance" is a complete waste of time.
This is a life changing event and you need to treat it as such. You need to MAN up and be strong. Cry if you need to - let it all out.. But at the end of the day - NO amount of moaning, crying, begging is either positive or going to get your W back. She will not be attracted to you begging etc..
You need to become a new man. This is such hard work and is very painful - but you need to go through the pain so you can heal and move on. Stop trying to fix things quickly - this is going to take potentially years of effort before she would even consider having you as a partner again.
One final thing - stop looking for clues in every single move she makes, or text message she sends… It will drive you crazy.
