New LBS dealing with WW Part 3

[Joe2017]

And that is perfectly fine, these things take time and it is totally normal to have crazy emotions for the first few months. If you tell me in a year that you are indifferent about the D then I'll believe you. But right now? It's still too raw for you to know that. Don't try to convince yourself you're done, you've got a long road ahead of you before you can come to that conclusion.

AS:
To be honest, I haven't much time left in this marriage. Am I rushing? I sort of just have to. She filed D a week after BD. Everything I've read here says to just sign the paperwork if it looks fair and my attorney agrees. I've already been served the initial paperwork.

So. Do I desire to recon? Yes. Do I desire to D? Yes. But I have no choice in the matter. I could drag it out, but what's the point in that?

[Subitai]

People can recon after the divorce. So there's that.

[Joe2017]

We are basically one month into the two month cool down period. I have one more month before any kind of litigation can occur. I hoping for a miracle, I guess. LOL

[TBSakaJ9]

Hang in there J...I am 7 mths in and I can tell you it does get better with time. Nothing can take away the pain you are currently feeling, all of us have been there. Sleepless nights, the pit in your stomach, emotional ups and downs, loss of appetite, etc. Be kind and patient with yourself, there is no magic cure. Time is really the only thing that heals. I had those thoughts early on, the wondering, the questions, the anger, it was all there. 1 foot in front of the other, minute by minute, hour after hour, day after day.

[Surfer]

Joe - BTW how many Joes?

Time will heal you. But you need to give time space to work. Detaching, GAL are all mechanisms to get space from the madness. NC is very important. Stay off the rollercoaster.

I’ll try and keep an eye on your posts.

You will get there, you already are. You can’t tell if you will R, might do, might not but you will be very happy again.

Keep going you are doing great.

Surfer.

[Joe2017]

Thanks everyone.

I had to end full NC and go limited NC under the same roof. I went back to my home. I love the TXHubby approach, and I am trying to go that route.

This sitch is upsetting because it causes so much division between our two boys. But when it comes down to it, hers is hers and mine is mine. I hate that they are caught in the middle.

I came back to find all family photos hidden away (thrown?) and she has divided the MBR and kitchen into "her side" and my side. She has told me not to talk to her son. She is telling me that he is saying things about me that he is not saying.

Basically she is super mad that I went NC and would not communicate AND she's upset about having to relinquish the MBR. She said I'm trying to control her now, and that the lack of communication from me justifies her decision to D. Blah blah.

I only said three things to her today, "Hi" "OK" and "I'm staying out of your space".

Oh and she's left "evidence" of her A around the house for me to find. It's beginning to feel really abusive and manipulative. I am glad to be home but I do not deserve this abuse.

I know she is trying to mind#&____ me. It's getting under my skin slightly but at least I recognize what she's doing.

[Joe2017]

And by space I meant her personal space around her present location. Not her imaginary lines in the sand.

[Joe2017]

OK, does NC backfire? In the sense that today she is so mad about my NC that she has a surprise for me today and it could have been avoided if I had only talked to her over the past couple weeks. Doesn't sound promising.

I have been doing Sandi's "store clerk" mentality. She tried taking the MBR back but I calmly held my ground so she stormed off and called me a control freak.

This is lovely.

[LH19]

Joe,

We usually tell people not to move out when there are children involved because it may effect them legally in a custody dispute. Since there should be no custody disputes in your situation have you considered moving out to get away from the madness?

[Surfer]

Joe,

This is the hardest bit. No matter what you say, little, lots or NC you get it in the neck. They try to get you to leave, argue, hit them.....all sorts. Just focus on not reacting. By all means listen if you can handle it but know that whatever comes out is most likely a lie or something to draw you into an argument. Do not take the bait - it won’t work in your favour. Just listen and validate or exit and stay quiet.

Do not act like a doormat. Just carry on being you and try to take an “Oh dear, never mind” approach. Imaging she is engaged having rant. That’s all she has reverted to. No different. Just be the parent. Stay quiet and tell calmly. Feel sorry for her not angry at her. But again, do not get drawn in. Every question or statement from her will be an invitation for an arguement.

You might need to practice some standard stock lines. “Sounds Like you are really upset”. “Sounds tough”. There’s a few pages of them somewhere in other posts.

Keep strong. You can do this.

Surfer.