New LBS dealing with WW Part 3

[TBSakaJ9]

It is very hard and does not come to easy to some. Everyone is wired differently so some aspects of this will be harder than others. It should really feel like you are doing nothing to save your MR I read some where that those who try the hardest have the least success and I believe it. Be lose, let go, turn your W over to the world and what will be will be.

Focus on you.

[Joe2017]

Yes, that is what I'm doing, leaving it up to God. The hard part is dealing with the mood swings, the unpredictability, and the emotional aspect. I feel like I'm being constantly abused.

I am actually having a good time doing stuff on my own and with my boy again. I wasn't always married so we will be fine eventually.

[Joe2017]

I hope that starting DB 3 weeks after BD wasn't too late. I am getting close to being indifferent about the D. I can see myself going either way, and both seem like they are daunting tasks of their own.

R seems like so much uncertainty and work on her part, but family is kept together.

D rips my heart to shreds and splits the family, but might be easier to handle.

I really hate this but I didn't choose this path, she did.

[Vanilla]

DB is hard work

That work is for you, about you and on you.

It's the toughest work you will ever do.

And I am minded of the Gardner who when told his garden was lovely and God had done a great deal of work said "yes, but you should have seen it when God had it to himself"

V

[Joe2017]

V:
I'm doing my best. I know I am going in the right direction, I just do not like how my emotions are still so raw. Less now than 2 weeks ago, but I still have these serious moments of panic that can be paralyzing for a short time.

These episodes have become less intense so that's good.

WW finally texted me some crap about the house. It didn't fit my rules for communication so it was ignored. It feels good to be in control again.

[Joe2017]

After an entire night of tossing and turning, I've begun to seriously let go of the idea of recon. I haven't had any real sleep and reading post after post I realized that the majority of LBS do not get a chance at R.

She's out wearing skimpy clothes that she would never wear for me when we were married, and yet I think I want her back? What's my freaking malfunction!?!!?

I see no reason to continue my suffering any longer. It's too late... she has OM, and I have nothing but a mess on my hands. Time to cut my losses and move on.

Maybe this is part of the DB process, I don't know. I love GAL and 180s but just because of how it makes me feel about myself. So I will continue GAL but I know she doesn't give a crap about me anymore, and she doesn't give a crap about my kid (or hers) anymore.

So I shouldn't care about her anymore either. Sad but true. I have my own interests to protect. I can't keep doing this, it is too painful and it will only leave me broken.

I am seriously entertaining the thought of taking all of her things out of the MBR and putting a lock on the MBR door that only I have a key to. I can't kick her out of the house but I can kick her out of a room. Will it be traumatic for the kids? Yeah. Will she blame me? Yeah. Do I care? No, not really.

I'm closer to being done with this than I ever have been before.

[Joe2017]

If I'm wrong someone talk me down off this ledge.

[LH19]

Joe,

You have been at this for less then a month. This is probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. This is a marathon not a sprint.

Yes, the odds are against a recon right now but not impossible.If you recon it is likely it is a long ways away.

If you put in the hard work you will be fine either way.

Only you know if you are done.

I promise you it does get easier and you will survive this and possibly be better off.

[Maika]

I think all of this is fine. I think putting a lock on the MBR might be going overboard. Just make it clear to her that she's no longer welcome in the MBR and she can sleep in another room. Calm and collected.

I think that being done mentally is a good place to be and just move on and do what you want. I think if you're taking this approach, take a look at TxHubby's sitch. He did the steamroll DB, not giving a f$ck approach. I think this might apply to you as you're not able to kick her out of the house.

[TBSakaJ9]

You are spinning, sleepless nights are normal early on. Most LBS don'ts have a chance at recon because they lose patience. Some also never come back and update their sitchs so you never know what happened. Others come here DOA.

Why do you care what she is wearing? Why are you following her on SM? How does this help you detach and move on? Is this benefiting you?

You should not suffer any longer so move on, start detaching, sart taking care of yourself and not worrying what she is up to.

Your right she doesn't care about you so you should stop worrying about her as well. If you don't detach and get her out of your head and life it will be very painful and it will break you. Your MR is dead and over, you need to start accepting this. The only way this works is if you view the old MR as dead and in the future you might be able to start a new one.

If there is OM then she should not be in the MBR....you don't share your MBR with a cheater.

Get control of your emotions.........that is how you can gain respect.