I almost feel like I’m going to have to turn him in to end this mess. And I don’t mean the A. She is not dragging my children into the mess she has created. He has been married 3 times, how many other families has he done this to?
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
I almost feel like I’m going to have to turn him in to end this mess. And I don’t mean the A. She is not dragging my children into the mess she has created. He has been married 3 times, how many other families has he done this to?
at one time i was all for you turning him in... but now, i think the stronger position would be for you to just leave your wife... leave her... and let her deal with him... you can still protect your children... if he is indeed married, and you leave your wife, this all becomes very real for both of them... and if he is in no position to welcome your wife to live with him, then she will know almost immediately...
if you turn him in, she will never know the true story about him... his being married and all...
Art just made a great point. You turn him in, you let him off. You file for D, he has to step up. Once D is files your W, will have to face reality. She can't sit back and wait on his lies anymore.
You have done your research. The only way to live in base housing is if you are married or have dependants.
The other thing I want you to think about is if he really wanted your W to come and has so much control, why hasn't he convinced her to go forward with D.
Don't turn him in. You can break this fantasy she's living in, just by pulling yourself out of the Sitch. Dropping those papers. She has proven and she says she can't afford to be on her own.
In the wise words of Kevin Hart, "He's not ready", nor is she.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Joe joe, if I were him and loved her like she says he does, I be sending here the money for the divorce instead of buying guns as frivolous shot. I would haedone everything in my power to come when she had her heart attack. She said he wanted to but she told him not to because , as she put it, of “how I would act”. She is so jacked up that she thinks I should not be bothered by any of this at all. Her rewriting the affair says it all. “ We were just friends until you and I S, then it proceeded” don’t know about anyone else here, but I haven’t told any of my friends how badly I wanted to sex them up or sent any of them nude photos, or told them I wanted a life with them and not my spouse. All a move to attempt to protect him should I act out. She’s almost mental acting. Like I’m her brother or something and she’s in a normal relationship, not an A
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
If you turn him in, she will always see you being the bad guy, instead of seeing OM for his true colors. Who knows if it would end their A if you turned him in? One thing I think she would do, is take up for him. They would blame you for any trouble that was caused him.
If you do as Artista suggested, then it won't be about what you've done to him.....but what he's done to her. See what I mean?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for answering Sandi. As usual you are right again. Just having a hard time right now because of the holidays. She told me the other night she hasn’t loved me for the last two years and she has 15 guys chasing after her. Lies, I know. Said it just to hurt me. I also think she’s trying to turn the kids on me. Trying to get set for the divorce and make sure they go with her if it happens. All I can do at this point is act as if, detach, and enjoy the little things. Sorry if I offend, but I hope you have a merry Christmas! Thank you for all your words and support, it means a lot to have someone listen through all my ramblings and make sense of it all for me.
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Of course 15 guys are chasing after her. But are any of the worth a damn or even come close to you as a man? If she goes ahead and sleeps with these men, she'll learn exactly what my W is finding out. These dudes will sleep with you and kick you to the curb soon after.
Thank you GW. I think I've read posts on every single Christmas day since I joined the board. Even if I don't reply, I'll read. I know it is such a difficult time for many people.
You know, this board has some really good folks and some of the very best support in the world. Wouldn't it be great if there was some way down the road there could be a huge reunion of DB posters?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, new year same situation. There’s been no movement forward or backward. Seems to be stuck in limbo. She still talks to him but there’s been no mention of divorce and no move out of the house. He still 1000 miles away wreck in my life. I really don’t see any end in sight for this affair. Seems like they can go on forever like the energizer bunny just over the phone. I know it’s emotional in Winfield on emotions, but how many times can you say I love you over the phone with no interaction before starts to get stale. Just a thought. I don’t mention is the relationship, divorce , or him anymore. I go day to days doing my things and fixing all the financial issues this affair has caused. Still not had a drop to drink since June /7, which is a huge 180 for me. I feel like I’m detaching more each day, and I try to be the best dad I can for my kids. My wife has my daughter on her side , telling my W when I’m going out and when I’m on the phone. I admittedly still have a taste for revenge , to put it pure and simple. I know it was her choice but a part of me wants to make him suffer the same pin I have. I won’t because I’m a better person than that. But I still hate him with everything I am. The last time we did talk, my wife did say that she thought that the way I felt about her and the things I was doing to change was vindictive. I asked her what do you mean, and she said that she thought some of it was fake. Designed to make her leave him and come back to me so that I could then dump her and hurt her and called her the pain she caused me. I told her nothing could be farther from the truth, the way I feel about her is genuine, it would be hard to fake that for eight months now. She said it just scared her that I felt this white now and didn’t seem to earlier.I’m trying to keep the peace and rebuild my relationship with my daughter and improve myself for moones benefit other than mine and the kids. If she takes notice so be it. She has been much more pleasant towards me, laughing and wanting to interact. Perhaps time will show her that I am genuine. I read some where that long distance emotional affairs tend to fizzle out after 15 months. If that’s the case I have 4 months left to wait.... a pipe dream I know. But keep hope alive.....
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Well, new year same situation. There’s been no movement forward or backward. Seems to be stuck in limbo. She still talks to him but there’s been no mention of divorce and no move out of the house. He still 1000 miles away wreck in my life. I really don’t see any end in sight for this affair. Seems like they can go on forever like the energizer bunny just over the phone. I know it’s emotional in Winfield on emotions, but how many times can you say I love you over the phone with no interaction before starts to get stale. Just a thought. I don’t mention is the relationship, divorce , or him anymore. I go day to days doing my things and fixing all the financial issues this affair has caused. Still not had a drop to drink since June /7, which is a huge 180 for me. I feel like I’m detaching more each day, and I try to be the best dad I can for my kids. My wife has my daughter on her side , telling my W when I’m going out and when I’m on the phone. I admittedly still have a taste for revenge , to put it pure and simple. I know it was her choice but a part of me wants to make him suffer the same pin I have. I won’t because I’m a better person than that. But I still hate him with everything I am. The last time we did talk, my wife did say that she thought that the way I felt about her and the things I was doing to change was vindictive. I asked her what do you mean, and she said that she thought some of it was fake. Designed to make her leave him and come back to me so that I could then dump her and hurt her and called her the pain she caused me. I told her nothing could be farther from the truth, the way I feel about her is genuine, it would be hard to fake that for eight months now. She said it just scared her that I felt this white now and didn’t seem to earlier.I’m trying to keep the peace and rebuild my relationship with my daughter and improve myself for moones benefit other than mine and the kids. If she takes notice so be it. She has been much more pleasant towards me, laughing and wanting to interact. Perhaps time will show her that I am genuine. I read some where that long distance emotional affairs tend to fizzle out after 15 months. If that’s the case I have 4 months left to wait.... a pipe dream I know. But keep hope alive.....
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
