New LBS dealing with WW

[joejoe1]

Joe,

I'm in agreement she sounds WW to me as well. A lot of folks want their S to be MLC because of the cheating aspect, but MLC can take way more time to come back than a Wayward. For your mental stability prepare for her to be a WW and if you think you can deal MLC hope for her to be that.

There some people on this forum that dealt with MLC for almost 10 years.

You Will be applying the same principals to both so, best to start now.

[LH19]

j,

IMO people like to use the MLC to justify the WWs actions. It’s not her fault she is having a MLC. The bottom line is she is making a choice. Accept where your at right now and keep moving forward.

[Verum]

My W was in MLC mode, it took at least three years, more depending how you count the time. During MLC she started hanging with a GF who was 15 years younger than her, drinking and going to bars. That behavior and others stopped as she came out of deep MLC.

Some MLC behavior changes are permanent. My W went back to grad school and has a new job. She never exercised before MLC, during MLC exercised 5 days/week, and now exercise is part of her weekly routine. So some changes are good.

Remember, if a MLC she is deeply unsatisfied with other aspects of her life beyond the MR. My W had always wanted to do more in the healthcare field, but never did anything to advance herself. Then at age 43 decided finally to go back to school.

During MLC my W was deeply depressed and in inner turmoil. Part of the yo-yo behavior she exhibited to me I believe was due to this turmoil. For example, she would be distant, nasty and cold to me. She would go out to a bar til 2am, and then be sweet and loving to me. I interpret her being loving to me after such events as her feeling what she did was wrong and trying to make up for it.

Regardless of MLC or not, I agree the techniques are the same.

[peacetoday]

she may be in MLC
read the chapter and see if it fits

[Joe2017]

I got home early this morning to find all of the wedding photos gone. Mind games I guess, but actions speak louder than words.

My days are getting so dark. My life seems like an endless cycle of abuse no matter how hard I've been GAL, it doesn't make me feel any better about myself. I can run 3 miles and still feel numb. Foods are barely discernable from each other. My mind is like cotton.

I think I am giving up on this. I will keep journaling here. It's the only place I can talk about these things.

[Joe2017]

I can't keep loving this woman who doesn't even care about me in the slightest way. My heart is being bled dry.

[gw5263]

Joe, I’ve been in that exact spot. Mine put me thru a month and a half of sheer hell before I got my balls back and moved back home. I started out in the wrong place and made a boatload of mistakes. Even when I came here, I would ask advice , even poll people, get good sound advice from Sandi, 25, and several other respected vets, took it in, and did the polar opposite. My Wpalyed me mentally and emotionally for a month with promises of R after a break,told me she was wanting to work on us and everything else under the sun she could think of to make me “behave” because this OM is in the militate and she was s!?t scared I was going to turn him in and wreck his 30 year career before he could fly her down for a week to playhouse. Eventually I settled down and only just recently have taken the advice I was given and applied it. I am now at a point where I don’t worry much wether or not she’s still talking to him or if they’ve broken up, or if we have a chance. I also catch myself questioning if I really want someone, even repentive, who treated me with so much malice and basically evil. Let time do it’s thing. Do like I didn’t and listen to what’s being offered here, it’s tried and true. Even if it doesn’t work out youll be better for the experience if it makes sense. Don’t let the darkness swallow you, because at the point you’re at right now it has a big appetite and it will eat you alive if you let it. Relax, take a deep breath, let it out, and roll on. You got this brother, everybody here is like a large extended family that cares and is here for you.

[Joe2017]

God I love you people. You're the best. Seriously.

Today WW wanted to "talk." So I told her that yes I'm taking the MBR back. That we need to figure out who gets what property. How to divide debt and we need to schedule all the things necessary to get the house sold. I told her I didn't want a divorce but I'm not going to fight her on it.

Later WW stopped me in the house to talk again. She just sat there saying nothing, so I told her that I love her and because I do love her I am giving her everything that she wants as long as it's fair. She left upset, but I'm sure she'll get over it when she gets to whomever's house she's headed to.

I'm not going to waste any more time on trying to get R. I'm done. Bring on the D because I'm ready to move on with my life and I'm tired of feeling like this.

It's been less than a month so let's see if we can set a record for fastest divorce ever.

[Jim1234]

Joe, I think you'll find detaching has two effects. One, it will help you feel better about yourself and two, it might make your W reflect on what's going on. Number two doesn't really matter, but you'll find that you're outlook and mood will improve tremendously.

[Vanilla]

At the moment do you have enough INTEL to know if your WW is walking or wayward?

It matters in the approach you make to her.

If she is walking treating her as a wayward, coolness and indifference will make her run faster. It's more of the same. If on the other hand she is wayward, your stance is spot on.

Do not leave the MBR or MH. I made that mistake and it cost me a great deal. That applies whatever. If she wishes to join you in the MBR and you want that that's fine.

You have described what she is doing, her actions, your reactions and I have no clue as to why your PWW wants D!

Do you know?

V

PWW potential WW