New LBS dealing with WW

[Coconut]

Joe,

If you want to see if she filed for D, you should be able to look up the case online with your clerk of court. My W told me she went to the courthouse 2 weeks ago to file, I haven't gotten anything yet so I went online to confirm that she did file, and I found the case online.

[Joe2017]

Well, she did file. So that's that.

I guess we will get around to selling the house soon enough. I doubt she will ever change her mind about this.

Thanks for the help everyone. I'm pretty devastated right now.

[Joe2017]

OK. Now that I've accepted the filing I'm better kind of.

What happens next? Do we have a series of court dates? Attorney meetings? Etc?

How much time do I have until this is final?

[LH19]

I’m at 8 months and at least a month away. Yes get an appointment with an attorney.

[Jim1234]

If you haven't talked to a lawyer, that's next. He can tell you everything you need to know.

Basically, she (or her lawyer) will (eventually) file a motion for child custody, and you will get a letter telling you when you have to go to court. Eventually, she will file a motion for child support and alimony pen dente lite ("temporary alimony while divorce is proceeding"). Same thing, you'll get a letter.

Another way to go is to agree with her to hire a mediator. This is far more cost effective, if you are able to come to agreement. Lawyers are by nature adversarial, mediators will help you come to a mutual agreement. They will allow you to decide for yourselves, whereas if you wind up in court, the judge will eventually decide for you.

[Joe2017]

Thanks guys. Already talked to an attorney. More to think about.

Another quick question. How would you guys answer the question of "let's stay friends"?

[LH19]

J,

To be completely honest however you answer the question isn’t going to change anything. Typical WW statement.

[Joe2017]

Understood.

[joejoe1]

J,

I would say "I'm your husband not your friend and that's how I will keep it in my heart. We can do-parenting if D happens and be cordial, but I can't be your friend, when in my heart I'm meant to be your H. Then let it be. DB, 180, and live your life. But you not about to friend zone me after, I'm your husband and all you've done to me.

Its too many other men in the world for that.

[Joe2017]

Thank you Sandi, I very much appreciate your input. I think what you said about me being the prize and not her, resonated with me last night. I am absorbing the fact that she has moved forward with the D and I have not. Now is the time for me to stop living in the past and look to the future.

JoeJoe, good point about not being in the friend zone with WW. I'm not her convenient one way emotional support. I'm not her buddy.

Does anyone understand why the WW still wants to make small talk in texts? If you want to get a D, why keep bothering the LBS? Attention? I'm not understanding and it's confusing to me.