I thought I would start a thread for those of you that feel compelled to compose an email, text or letter to your WAS.
Writing out your thoughts and feelings can be healing. But if you are a true DB'er, you should NOT send it to your WAS. I already made this mistake many times. It is pursuing and will only leave you feeling more rejected when they don't respond...and they probably won't respond.
So post them here. We will not judge. Just pour your heart out to your DB family, not to your WAS.
M-42 W-40 S-12 D-10 Together-13 years Married-10 years Separated-6/2016 ILYBINILWY-7/2016 EA-4/2016 (best guess) PA-7/2016 (best guess)
I know that I love you, but sometimes I feel like I hate you. How can you just replace me? You can't replace me with a stranger. He has nothing to do with the last 10 years of our life. Fck him. What kind of a man wedges himself into someone's marriage? He saw a damsel in distress and swooped in to save the day. You let him in and now he is more important to you than anything else in your life. Can you even imagine that? I hope you come back down to Earth soon...your life misses you.
M-42 W-40 S-12 D-10 Together-13 years Married-10 years Separated-6/2016 ILYBINILWY-7/2016 EA-4/2016 (best guess) PA-7/2016 (best guess)
I already sent my WAW a letter about 2 weeks after she left me. It was 19 pages. It didn't do a bit of good and she gave it to her L to use against me if she could. I wish it was something I didn't do (among a few other things)
Since it's 19 pages I don't think I will be posting it here.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Bam, what a great idea. I could pretty much just copy and paste yours at this point, changing very few words. I am the type to write out my feelings so I might decide at some point to do so here. Thanks!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I dig this, I actually kept a diary where I wrote letters to my wife for the first 3 or so months. I hid it somewhere and can't remember where. It would be interesting to read it now that I know I'm in a better place.
OK. I'll bite. I wrote this to my STBXW about 2 weeks after BD - I was a real mess at the time, so be prepared. I wrote it on her birthday. At the advice of my IC, I never gave it to her.
Dear STBXW,
Happy birthday. It's hard to find the right words, and I suppose there are no right words.
A long time ago we started walking in different directions, on different paths, sometimes getting closer, then drifting apart again. We got father apart, until we couldn't see each other any more. You tried to call out to me, but I couldn't hear you. I was wrapped up in my own pain. I tried to search for the path back, but I couldn't see it any more. I started to believe the way back was gone.
And then you screamed for me, screamed out in pain. And that scream woke me up. And I realized truly how far I'd gone, and I started to make my way back, discovering the path that I thought was lost.
I feel like I've gotten back to where I last saw you, but you're not here. You're now lost on your path, not seeing a way back, and not knowing which way to go.
And I'm screaming for you, telling you I'm sorry. Come back! I'm sorry! Find your way back. Follow my voice. I love you!
But you're far away, and maybe you can't hear me. I don't know how far you've gone.
If you're willing to listen, I'm still calling to you. If you can hear me, you can find your way back.
Thank god for my IC!
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
LOL.....I think we have all done similar things. I applaud you for posting! You need to pay your IC double the hourly rate next time you have a session
I remember vividly that at our first MC session, the counselor showed us the MWD video detailing the WAW syndrome. I remember her saying in the video that your actions have "woken me up" and that "[LBH's] make incredible second husbands". You replied through tears that that was exactly what you had hoped for me, but that you werent interested in that anymore.
I hope that you found whatever it was that you were looking for out there.I know that I have.
H I'm mad that you didn't think our family was worth saving. I'm mad you just gave up and blame me for everything. I'm disappointed 21 years ended like this. I'm upset that our children, who deserve more then this, will now have to divide their time between two houses and divide up their holidays. I'm upset that you won't get help with your anxiety, which I believe is leading you to feel this way. I love you. I will miss you. I wish you the happiness you don't think you will ever find with me.
