You go M! Not seeing her will be the best thing that ever happened in your sitch.....it is kind of bittersweet but that is how you can flip the script, really get your mojo back and trust me you will start to see her in a different light.
Yeah. I can already say that not having an in-house separation for the last few months was good for me. Now this situation takes it to another level, which I've been waiting for a while.
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When I see her now the only thing that really comes to mind is sex.
Meaning when you see her you wanna get jiggy wit it, or nah Imma hit the town cuz you ain't doin it for me like you used to?
So the unpacking is going well. I have to go out to get a few furniture items for the house today.
But, since I moved to the new place, I have been sleeping terribly. Just crazy dreams of W having an A and a buncha nonsense. She's just on my mind a lot and I am not happy that she's taking up so much of my mental real estate.
I know that I have to GAL some more and kickstart the detachment process. After running some shopping errands, I am going to go climbing this afternoon to get my mind off her.
I did get some great ideas for xmas lights in the bedroom and some paper lanterns Will be doing that in the next few weeks and spruce up the master bedroom.
Climbing went great. I focused on technique a lot today and I made some great progress on some routes that have been giving me a hard time.
Since moving to the new place, I have been more on edge and jittery and I don't know why. W is also taking up a lot of mental space right now. This wasn't the case last week. I feel like I am back in the same place a few weeks after BD and it's annoying the hell out of me. I thought I'd made some progress and now it just seems like a lot of it got washed away with the move somehow.
I am hoping I can get some better sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a better day mentally speaking.
Don't worry about your w being in your head. This is completely normal. Once you think your getting passed things and detaching, that feeling you mentioned comes back to you. Just keep GAL and proceeding like you have been. Those feelings will pass with time for the most part.
Thanks Tread. I'm counting on getting back up on the horse. I did sleep well last night. Don't know why I had a couple of garbage days. I feel better this morning. I have a lot to do today so should be a busy day.
Thanks J dawg. The move definitely impacted me more that I anticipated. I'm feeling a lot better this morning. I gotta put together some furniture and set up the kids rooms. And then tackling my room. I'm also working from home today and so I gotta get to that. Getting good sleep last night really helped. I'm probably gonna go see a movie tonight as well to get out of the house.
W texted me this morning about some kids stuff and I kept it pleasant. Interactions over text much easier to deal with than in person right now. I'm glad I don't see her often right now so I can get things straight for myself.
Cool, hang in there. Everything you should be doing right now needs to be for yourself. I remember really stressing out when I knew I would have to see her. I still would rather not see her but it is not as awkward as it was before. I just keep it light, usually about the kids, maybe a mutual friend or something like. She never asks me anything about myself, what I am doing, etc. and I am the same with her. No who, what, when, where, why or how questions.
It will get better over time and it sounds like she is doing a good job of respecting your space and need for distance. Your doing the right things keep it up!
Thanks man! Just needed a bit of pick me up to get my focus straight. I'm really itching to go back climbing but they're closed today. Such a bummer!
W is definitely respecting boundaries which is good. I'm thinking my sitch is going to take a similar turn as yours with not much contact from her and W not making any moves. It's going to help me focus on myself and work on detachment.
Yeah, it happens. Early on I would feel horrible when I woke up then much better as the day went on. I also found it harder when I had my kids because I wondered what she was doing. Now I find it easier when I have them because it helps keep me busy. Go figure!
Outside of kids or finances my W and literally have no contact about anything else. Maybe something random once in a while but that is only about 1% of the time. It was hard at first to get used to but it has really helped with my detaching and moving forward emotionally. This morning is a perfect example.
My D's had soccer camp today and my oldest lost her ball. My W dropped them off this morning and I showed up about 15 minutes after camp started with a new ball for my D. My W had already left and didn't stick around, I guess she didn't want to watch them or talk to me/see me . Before it probably would have made me mad or it would have depressed me. Now, I didn't really care. When I got to camp and gave my D her new ball I shot a text to my W telling her it was handled, D is happy. She never responded back. That would have bothered me before, now I was like whatever and went back to work.
I knew I was progressing when the little things like that no longer bothered me and I didn't dedicate much mental energy towards them.
On Saturday my W said she was out of money and wouldn't be paid until 10/20. That was 11 days, so I gave her a $80 bucks. I didn't grill her, yell at her, ask what the h$ll. Coming to me for money, kinda funny. Me only giving her $80 bucks to assist her until that time not a huge deal, I helped but obviously her struggles are far more real.
Will be doing that in the next few weeks and spruce up the master bedroom.