JMSTL thread-Part 5-What a beautiful GAL

[Holding]

Be strong, man! It's almost over.

[Maika]

Hey man! I am sorry for what you have to go through today - I can't even imagine all the feelings you're going through. I hope it's quick and so you don't have to endure it for too long and can spend the rest of the day processing it.

I am really glad to hear that you're thinking about your trip and something happy for yourself.

Again, sorry where you're at right now. It's okay to be in the moment and feel what you're feeling. This is some painful $hit. I wish I was there and I'd take you for a drink and we could share some smokes. I will do that in your honour today.

[TBSakaJ9]

Hang in there JM.....put your earbuds in a crank up your favorite tunes! Something to help you with your mojo!! You got this bro....it doesn't define you!

[Maika]

How you hangin' bro? Hope to hear from you soon.

[Jmstl]

So,

I am officially divorced. It [censored], but there is nothing I can do about it but move on.

After I posted Thursday, I went into court. She almost did not make it into court on time, and the clerk/lawyer/whatever said the case was going to be dismissed if she didn't get there by the time the judge came out, even though we were last on the docket.

She shows up, in the nick of time, and sits on the opposite side of court.

She is not well put together at all (Some said this was on purpose, but w/e)

No Makeup, Hair not done, dressed pretty poorly. This is not how she has been dressing as of late. This is how she looks when she is in depression. (She told me Wed she was 'very sad' and 'can't stand to be alone, that is why I spend so much time with X'

Well, I would be surprised if she told me she was depressed. She was wearing an infinity scarf (She also wore one Sunday when I dropped off the kids and I was like...huh)

Now I see why. She was attacked by a vampire. HUGE bite mark right on her throat and 3 on her neck. REAL CLASSY.

Well, onto the case...um....her D paperwork was never ACTUALLY FILED. YEAH, we were set to get a Separation only. OH HELL NO. We scrambled, filled out new paperwork, got it notarized, and filed just in time. She tells me how nice and handsome I looked. I just said 'Thanks'.

We enter back into the courtroom, and she sits next to me, about a person width away. I catch her out of the corner of my eye staring at me several times. I look over at her and give her a 'what?' face. She says "you have something on your shoulder" and brushes it off.

One case is putting us to sleep. I draw a bunch of zzzzs on some paper and flip it over for her to see, she smiles and stifles a laugh (first time we shared a laugh in a while and it is while getting divorced)

A short while later, I catch her staring at me again? It's one of those, as I would describe "this [censored]" looks.

I lean over, smack her arm playfully and whisper "Cheer up. You'll be divorced soon. You're getting what you wanted"


So, it is finally our case, and it goes fairly smoothly. Until child support. The judge looks it over and turns to me and says Mr. Jmstl, you want me to approve this? (we asked for no child support or alimony)

He turns to her and says Ms. Jmstl, this isn't fair and equitable.

At this point, she starts to turn pale, and that slight smirk she had on her face quickly fades. She knows what is about to happen.

You see, during this process she kept throwing in my face that she was being nice by not asking for support. I never argued, but I would simply respond 'review form 14' and leave it at that.

I make less than her. I pay half of all the expenses. I get the children 50% of the time. AND I carry the insurance. This is where she knows she is about to get bent over. The judge says he is going to order her to pay child support...to ME! A small grin crosses my face, while her's turns red. When he asks if that is a problem to her, her voice cracks as she said it was no problem at all (it was, and I know she is broke again, after blowing through all the money she got from the house sale).

Because I am not a jerk, and because I don't want to stick it to her too bad, when the judge asks if I am okay with the amount, I told him that we had come up with a plan and it worked well for us.

He said it did not work well for him, and I was getting screwed, and I was entitled to X amount, and I couldn't just leave it, that she HAD to pay something. I finally said 'I feel covering the cost of insurance for the children would be fair and equitable' (This is about 1/4 of what I could have gotten). The judge agrees, and we are divorced.

We walk out together, she wishes me a good trip with the kids, and says she has to go to the bathroom. Her face is red and her eyes are welling with tears. (I won't mind read why)

I am outside first. I am standing outside and see her leave, but she doesn't see me. She is shuffling her feet, shoulders slumped, and then she hits the corner and turns around, as if looking for someone (probably her new bf)

I head to work. She texts later and claims to have a flat tire and asks me to get the kids, and says she would ask her mom if I couldn't

I tell her I can't and that If I didn't have to spend the rest of my PTO on getting divorced I would have been happy to.

Turns out, she got them herself, but not until real late.

I feel bad for her. I have no expectations but I can only imagine from her words and actions she is starting to realize the full gravity of the situation.

I packed up the car and went fishing for a great weekend

[Tread]

I know today had to be one if the toughest in your life. But you need to stop feeling bad about XW. She got herself in this mess. So you have no obligation to feel anything in regards to her based decisions.

As for child support, I know you want to look out for XW. But that money is for yiur children. Like you my W will owe me child support and I ain't turning down nothing. I cover the insurance for S13. And like your W mine got some money issues, but that is for her deal with. Those life choices are going to start settling in. And OM won't help with one bill.

You a good man though. Especially considering that she showed up late. And with bite marks on her neck. No class all the way to the end of the MR.

[Maika]

Thanks for the update JM. I am glad to hear that you went and had a great weekend after this really painful experience.

About the finances, you are good man not trying to stick it to W, but will the financial split that you've agreed to be enough for you to take care of the kids? As Tread said, the money would be for your children and when they're with you. Can you manage that with what you got?

[Jmstl]

I can manage with what I got, whether I got the CS or not.

However, this does not leave me with a ton of extra money to save.

I perhaps should have gone for the full amount, but I also had a reason behind not taking all I could, although it will likely bite me in the rear.


I am working on a career change, and plan to make quite a large sum more than what I am making now. I am hoping XW (sigh, first time I had to type that) will recognize that I tried to not bend her over and take her for everything, and not take ME to court if I end up making more money.

It's a bold move Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.

[Maika]

Well now you can work on that awesome career change and leave her in the dust. Coming out from a vampire's lair to court with the get up she had - wow, just wow.

[Jmstl]

So tonight was just completely filled with drama.

xW yesterday texted saying she wants to move the kids from my insurance to hers. This immediately sent up a red flag and I had a suspicion why.

She wants to move them to her insurance, because I pay for it. And because I pay for the insurance, that was the main reason the court said she had to pay support.

Apparently she is absolutely livid that she has to pay support. She had asked that I be reasonable and do what is best for her and the kids. I told her I was reasonable when I did not accept the full amount I was entitled to. She said I was entitled to nothing. She said she will never write 'child support' in the memo on the check, because the sheer thought of it makes her want to vomit, and that a real man would have turned it down. (I did originally turn it down 'Your honor, she and I have worked out an agreement that works well for us, so child support is not necessary')

She needs a new car, she has had to take a part time job, and says she lives paycheck to paycheck. She said that she took on all the debt and didn't try to get me to pay for it. I pointed out that she did that because she did not want me to fight her on the divorce, and now she has to accept the consequences. She said that she doesn't want anything from me, and I should want nothing from her, but I am screwing her over because I am angry about the divorce. I told her I am the happiest I have been in years, and I thanked her for asking for the divorce so I could finally see the how things really were.

She doesn't want to pay CS, but she wants to keep her same level of lifestyle. She doesn't want to cut back on her expenses.