My Story...

[Don23]

well my plan was to hang with my kids all weekend and move back into the house on Sunday when I return them to Mom. I need some advise however as i am contemplating just going back today.

We have a security system on our home and I get alerts if doors open at odd hours. I should probably turn the alerts off but so far I havent. My wife went out last night which was no surprise or anything. I got the alert at 12:15am that the front door just opened. I thought, wow, she didnt stay out nearly as late as I figured she would. Anyway, it woke me up. Curiosity got the best of me as it often does....I know, it shouldnt and I'm very close now to being in a state of mind where it wont. However, it did last night and I was now awake so I logged into our phones website and looked at call logs. There have been 2 guys in the picture for a while now. I dont the extent either of the relations has gone. The Personal Trainer is the one Im sure my wife wants to be with and has for months now. He however is married which makes that task much more difficult. The 2nd guy is someone in her workout classes, he is a single father and I feel is the one filling the role until my wife can get her personal trainer away from his wife. I'm fairly certain she has been intimate with both. Back to the phone logs... She gets home at 1215 and I see there is a 2min phone call from the 2nd guy at 1219. So I assume she was with him when she went out and he was probably saying goodnight and checking if she made it home safe. I then click on the text's and there are probably 30 texts from the PT from 11:45 to 1a.m. This is someone that she hasn't really been able to communicate much with since he's married but maybe his wife fell asleep or is away. Anyway, it [censored] to see these things but it didn't make me sad or anything, I feel Im passed that now. However, talk on this thread had people mentioning that what happens if she moves one of these guys in to your home. I thought no chance at all she would and I still think that but I could see the possibilities now. She could have a gathering at the house with her new found friends and i could see one of them sticking around longer than the rest. It would be awkward with all the family pictures and wedding books and stuff hung up all over the house but it wouldnt stop either dude I know that.

now I'm wondering if I shouldn't just load the kids up and move back today instead of waiting until tomorrow like I had planned. I'm ready to just be in the way. I've been walker over for the past 10 years and Im actually excited for this conversation where Im going to tell her to move out. And I wont mind if she says she will, or argues or anything. Im moving back and thats that, just need to know when.

[TBSakaJ9]

Do what you need to do Don....just be calm and confident. Dont get into any arguments our yelling in front of your children. You would like her to stay and work on the MR however she needs to make a choice however you are not leaving your house. Read the advice above from AS and others. Today or tomorrow not sure that it matters as long as you get back in the house.

Calm and confident! You can do it!

[joejoe1]

Don,

What J9 said. You make the decison when to go back. You are a man, men make confident decisions. Make your statement, while you are making it, look her in the eyes. Let her say what she has to say and walk away. Don't argue, dont get into a long drawn out convo.

[Don23]

I thought it was strange that she has been so nice these last few days. Pleasant texts and lots of smiles during kid exchanges and such. She even brought the kids to be at boxing class yesterday which isn't like her. It makes sense now, its because she is getting her way. im sure it will be just the opposite when I show up at the house with my "im moving back" statement.

[joejoe1]

Don,

Oh you better beleive her mood is about to change. You are about to put your foot down. She's doesnt want that from you at this moment( in reality women want men, that respect themselves and don't allow others to disrespect him). But guess what you have a hand up, because you have an idea on what to expect and have prepared yourself on how to deal with her.

[Don23]

well it's going to be today. I decided if she has plans at the house tonight, to bad. Me and the kids will be there

[joejoe1]

Don,

Great news! Now get your game face on. Walk in there with confidence and speak and carry yourself with confidence. Update us on the Sitch later.

[Don23]

I'm back in my house! It didnt go nearly as bad as I thought. In 14 years I dont think ive ever talked to my wife that way. Maybe shocked her. Anyway, I said everything, she didnt say a whole lot. A few minutes later she asked to speak to me in another room. Explained that she never knows what she's going to get from me from one day to the next. I appologized for that and that I cant take those days back but those days are behind me and Im living in this house with my kids period and if she still needs all this space that she thinks she needs then its time for her to move out. She asked me whats the difference then if we get a divorce. I just said that if it comes to that then obviously i wont have a choice and I'll spend whatever time with my kids that the courts allow. Until that time comes I'm living in this house. She decided to go shopping and I'm unpacking suitcases. I figured she was just going to run off to another man but she actually invited our daughter to go shopping with her. However, my daughter said she's rather stay with Daddy the kids love me

[TBSakaJ9]

Good for you...enjoy a good night sleep in your MBR! Don't ever leave again and get advice from the board on your next move. Remember she is having an A and you know it. If anyone sleeps on the couch, spare bedroom or moves out it is her.

[Don23]

Oh what a night!

so, I have the talk with my wife and Im back in my house whether she likes it or not. She drives away to go shopping and during her travels she texts the OM. These texts were along the lines of "lets meet up" because I had just put my foot down. The reason I know this is out of no where this afternoon I get facebook message from the wife of the OM who I have never met or spoke with. It says "I need to talk with you". I reply and we meet up. She tells me that her and her husband share 1 car and this afternoon out of nowhere he says I need to go to the gym. This ended up being right after I had my talk with my wife. So he takes the car and goes to the gym. It was his 2nd trip to the gym that day so she was skeptical and had her friend pick her up and follow. They followed to the gym where my wife was there waiting and she saw her husband get in my wifes car and drive off. They followed them to a park where they talked and only talked. The wife of the OM got out and confronted them. They both denied any affair...still!!! and that they were just talking. This is when the wife of the other man contacted me and we met up and exchanged info. I'm further along in the process than she is so it was sad to see her crying. I dont have any tears left. It was a nice visit for an hour and a half. She is very nice and the whole situation is just so unfortunate. While we are talking her husband is texting her that he loves her...it was strange. So I leave and pick up my kids from my friends house and am headed back to my house that I now live in. Half way home I get a text from my wife that she will not be there tonight. No surprise really. She said "I know your disgusted with me but please dont say anything negative about me to the kids" and we need to get together and discuss living arrangements because Im not moving out either.

So that brings me to this post. I'm not sure what there is to discuss! I dont care if she's in the house or not but I made it perfectly clear that Im not living anywhere but at this house and if Im in the way or not giving her the space she needs than she needs to move out. What discussion is needed? I dont think it was about sleeping arrangements. Maybe she thought my talk meant she needs to move out but I dont think so...I was very clear. Anyway, i guess I'll find out tomorrow but there is no way I'm sleeping anywhere other than in this house unless Im on vacation.