I had a marriage counseling session today and the counselor recommended that I stay out of the house at least until the end of the month, continue to be tough and stay away, only reply to texts and phone calls and not initiate and just see if anything changes in that time. However, I havent been impressed with my marriage counseling to this point and I feel that the people on this board probably understand me better than her. I just think that if I move back into the house there is no way of this marriage working....she is very cold to me, like she hates me. I moved out twice in the last 3 weeks, to come back again is such a roller coaster of a move. However, I'm not sure that me being out of the house is going to get us together either. I think I do like the idea of just moving back. I know it will be easier on the kids having me home and getting them to/from school. She wont be very happy about it I know that. It cramps her style! I'm pretty sure I have enough going on to keep me out of her hair while Im home and its not like I coulnd't still load up the kids for a weekend or something and get out of the house. By the way I'm off work right now because of this so that really bugs her because she thinks Im just always going to be home. The whole idea behind the time off though was to work on me and my family. Why not take advantage of that extra time and be with my kids 7 days a week and have me get them ready and take them to school instead of a neighbor.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
Grew up in the Church but fell away when I got in my 20's My wife, kids and myself never go unless we are back where we came from visiting and we go with my parents which was just a few times. Myself and my kids started attending a Church 3 weeks ago and love it.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
I'm glad you have start going back to church and are taking the kids. I started going back to after BD. Church has helped me alot. I joined the Church I was attending two weeks ago, and on Wednesday I signed of for a 12 week evangelism class.
Ok, now with the house situation. IMO, if you want to go back to the house go. When you go back, you walk in, and if your wife ask what you are doing, you say, "I'm coming back home". If she says why, you say, "because I want to be home". Say no more. Don't argue, don't talk about your feelings. Say that and then go to where you would sleep. Going back and forth don't show confidence. Go back home with confidence, knowing you won't be leaving again.
Also, you need to talk a weekend to yourself, by yourself or with some friends. Get away. Seems to me that your wife takes all the weekends to herself. You need to take some of those back. Your wife knows she can do what she wants on the weekend because, you weren't go no where. Stop making yourself accessible in that way. Get away, don't tell her where you are going, just that you are taking a weekend for yourself. She's probably going to tell she had plans already, you tell her, especially if she didn't inform you ahead of time. That this weekend is mine, you get up and leave. When you get back she is going to be nasty and mean, and want to pick arguments, don't take the bait. Look at her and say "I understand and walk away".
It's time for you to take care of yourself. Gain your confidence and happiness back. Saving yourself gives your best chance to save your marriage.
Also, read about 180s and detaching as much as possible. If your get a chance read TxHubby Sitch. Also read Sandi2, 37 rules of "Do's and Don'ts".
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Ok, now with the house situation. IMO, if you want to go back to the house go. When you go back, you walk in, and if your wife ask what you are doing, you say, "I'm coming back home". If she says why, you say, "because I want to be home". Say no more. Don't argue, don't talk about your feelings. Say that and then go to where you would sleep. Going back and forth don't show confidence. Go back home with confidence, knowing you won't be leaving again.
Sure wish I hadn't moved out twice in the last few weeks...coming back now shows a lack of confidence indeed. Something Ive been trying not to show. I know its going to be a discussion, sure I could ignore her but she's going to want to know why. If she demands an answer how bad would it be if I said the following: "im not the one wanting space so I shouldnt be the one that has to leave their home and children, if you want space that bad then you move out"
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
Now I have to decide when. I already said i was taking the kids for the weekend so maybe on Sunday when I bring them home. I could do it today of course but it almost seems like a dirty trick since I told her I would take the kids away for the weekend.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
I could have taken my weekend this weekend. She didnt tell me to take the kids or anything, she just asked if I would want them. She does know what my answer will be though.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
Sure wish I hadn't moved out twice in the last few weeks...coming back now shows a lack of confidence indeed.
Don,
I disagree. I think moving back in the marital home and standing for what you believe in (marriage, family, children) actually shows confidence.
How about W: After a lot of thinking, I am going to move back in the martial home to keep things as normal as possible for our children. I would love for you to stay and work on our marriage together. I am respecting your decision for time and space for you to figure things out and if you feel you need to move out for this to happen I completely understand.
