It's funny, the difference between the sexes....women seem to do a version of 'bait' which is either suddenly cooking dinner or it's a flirtatious thing. Men seem to either suddenly turn up and fix stuff in the house or start going for father of the year with texted pics...
Enjoy the attention but don't bite is right, I think...if nothing else, you can anticipate full nudity with tassels if you make her feel she has to try harder LOL
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
I keep thinking when I read your updates that both of you want to make this work but just don't know how to do it. Like the scene you describe of her looking for shoes I wonder if your W was hoping you would comment on how attractive she looked and how maybe more would happen. Not that this would fix things.
Don't want to give you false hope but something doesn't add up. Some will say she is just cake eating. But I am not sure.
As to your son. Kids are smart. They will figure it out one day. He might ask you in five or six years if there was someone else or how you must have felt and he will appreciate that you didn't try to trash his mom. That requires strength but you don't want to go down the path where both his parents start using their child to basically trash the other person. Like I said, this is incredibly hard and you want to scream it from the roof tops. Believe me...I wanted to scream it to everyone how much my W betrayed me...everyone thinks she is such a nice and wonderful person.
Truth is my W was embarrassed the affair occurred and was definitely ashamed after I discovered details. (some will say she is only ashamed about the latter but I doubt that). She needed to let go of her shame and focus on guilt. It may very well be that your W needs the same. So what you see as deception (which it really is) might in her situation be very much an internal conflict. Also, women often get seen as being flirting with men when they are just trying to be nice. I wasn't there so maybe it was actual flirting. But from my female students I hear all the time how men that they just want to be friends with think the woman is flirting with them just by her smiling at him.
Some will disagree with this advice but I wonder what she will say if you told her she looked amazing and when she was on all fours you got all sorts of ideas.
I really also wonder what would happen if both of you go to counseling. I know you want some things to change first but maybe those things will change after you go together.
Tread, good job, I think your behavior and responses are spot on. As Ginger said she's doing a typical temp check. The getting on the hands and knees part is particular amusing! You didn't take the bait. Well done!
Thought it best to keep my thoughts to myself when she was on the floor. Normally she would have loved a comment, but the last few months she just gives me dirty looks for complimenting her. When she dropped me off at the car, I did mention that she looked good. W said thank you and walked off. Tobias, I would be up for MC. Honestly I problems are easy to fix. All we have to focus communicate what we want. W just choses yo be stubborn as usual. And you might be right about her just being nice. But she was the one in a few cases who were starting conversations. W nature has always been flirtaous. And I am the same way when I see a pretty face.
So I'm pretty sure that there maybe OM3. And I believe it might be the guy who recruited me to serve on this committee I just got on. If this is the case, then this is a new low for W. I might be wrong, but I have just had a weird feeling lately about the two of them. We're all friends on FB and I know that W used to like a lot of his post, which was no deal. But lately it seems that she hasn't liked anything. As if she may have done something and now is trying to avoid raising suspicion. That might be a stretch though.
So according to phone records, W called him at 3:11am on August 2nd. Just a 1 minute conversation, which was likely a missed or she left a message. Not going to know if there was anymore phone contact until records come out on the 16th next month. And now I've noticed that W will sneak off and I can them both messenger. Not sure if they're communicating with each other. But they get right offline at around the same time. But it all might just be a coincidence.
Also W came by the house and I spotted her sister text her about deleting me from all forms of social media. So my SIL is likely assisting my W in all this cheating. And I just noticed that my W has removed being married from he FB page all together. Listing me as a family member. At that point, I just listed myself as being separated. So at this point, just wondering what should be the next move?
Well W has officially removed me from all social media. But yet is friends with all the people she has cheated on me with. Good thing I have already saved screen shots on all of this stuff. Not to mention I have the names of all her friends, coworkers and family that she is attempting to hide from me. So I can contact anyone at any given time. Good thing that I was hoping for the best, but prepared for the worse. And now my WW is scurrying like a damn cockroach trying to cover her a**. Taking bad advice from SIL and fellow cheaters.
And I solely had the responsibility of telling S13 about the divorce tonight. Surprisingly enough he took it much better than I thought he would. Should be a start to an interesting week. Detachment should be fairly easy with W out to get me.
Tread, sorry to hear that you had to talk to your son on your own. But, at least is was on your terms and didn't need to hear whatever lie was going to be spun to facilitate your wife's actions. Keep it up for him, as I have learned with my kids through all this they are gravitating towards me because of my actions and how I am handling this mess, your son will do the same. They are smarter than we give them credit for as I think my S17 is on to my WW's cheating ways. As far as social media, who cares about that! I unfriended,blocked, stopped following mine weeks ago, about to tell her very supportive friends to unfriend me as well and to stop liking any pictures I post on FB of my kids. I don't want to see their names having anything to do with my kids!
Kind of want my W friends to report back to her on what I do on social media. Just started putting up random crazy comments on FB of my thoughts. These thought could be interpreted in many different ways. If yoir guilty of something, then you may feel that these comments are being directed towards you.
Just started putting up random crazy comments on FB of my thoughts. These thought could be interpreted in many different ways.
If they're "Crazy" could they be used against you in a custody battle? That said:
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At this point, I plan on detaching and finding some good out of this process.
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Not sure really. Just wondering if that could be a way of showing detachment.
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Detachment should be fairly easy with W out to get me.
leading to...
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Kind of want my W friends to report back to her on what I do on social media.
You've got to find a way to stop worrying about what she is doing, or with who, and wanting her to worry about what you're doing. If you want her back, this isn't helping. If you don't want her back... this isn't helping.
Tread, take the high road!! I have seen many FB posts from people I know going through divorce and they spew random things that just make them look bitter. As much as I want to "out" what my WW has done I have to remind myself of all the other people that care about me and my WW and the fact that two of my children are friends with both of us on FB. Focus on yourself!!! Focus on raising a good kid!
