Still bad at DB

[WshIKnw]

From what I read, my stich looks pretty bleak compared to others.

It's clear your wife still has a lot of interest in you. You are doing much better than many others. My wife dropped off the face of the planet towards me when she left, as if I was dead to her. More like, she left planet Earth...

W had affair and moved in with OM in October 2016. We still talk regularly. We both cant seem to completely let go. I'm really close because this is tiring. I was a distant husband. Being distant keeps rattling in my head so I'm screwing up DB. I do great for a few weeks then wife plays the victim card and I get sucked in. I feel terrible about my role as the H so I basically 180ed my distance which is the opposite of DB. I was only clingy at BD though. Ive settled down a lot.

Going no contact on your wife isn't Divorce Busting, if neglecting your wife was what greatly contributed to her leaving you to begin with. MWD says this herself in her Last Resort Technique video series, available from this website. (https://divorcebustingtraining.mykajabi.com/store/Q5UUUmn4)

She told me on Sunday she's not very attracted to OM and still finds me very attractive. She said he gives her a ton of attention and is so proud of her. Not sure if I want to wait that out.

She is with the guy that gave her the most love and attention. I think going dark on her, or no contact, will convince her that she made the right choice.

I really think you should talk to a Divorce Busting Coach. Because with all of the cake eating, and with this going on for so long, maybe you should go no contact. What seems to improve your situation with her? Talking to her, or not talking to her? Do whatever seems to be helping. Have you talked to a Coach? You said you make six figures. You seem to be able to easily afford it. Why not give it a shot? We aren't experts here. Coaches are trained and experienced.

[dale165]

Thanks guys, looking forward to moving ahead! As I said before, physically got in great shape but mentally really bad. Before BD I was killing it at work. Moving from manager to partner wouldn't be far fetched in a few years until BD. Since March I've been a YUGE piece of crap employee. They bill me at 175 a hr and I'm doing so bad my average billing rate is 60. Man worried about R with my W has just threw me in the crapper. So that is my first priority. That would be a huge confidence boost. Next is stop talking negative and blaming all this on A. It's not Ws job to get me where I want to be. Also I need to stop taking basically 100% of this A. Got so stuck in that. I really told my wife it's my fault, crazy right! In all seriousness if she came back before I would just cater to everything so she doesn't leave again. Not a great way to live.

Wsh, I may look into a coach in about a month. I have a bachelor party in Vegas in a few weeks and I just plan on blocking the relationship out until after I get back. I need some time to clear the cobwebs out. I'm afraid I wouldnt take full advantage at the moment. My brain has been in warp speed here lately.

I see you haven't posted on yours lately, what's the deal with your R?

[EastTN]

I hear you about work. I'm one of those people that's usually top 10%, but in 2017 I can barely keep my head above water due to the stress of dealing with everything. I'm lucky that I have a boss who has been here before himself (though NOT as crazy as I'm dealing with) and an HR guy that's family friendly.

It'll come back. You'll figure out how to get the work done again, and you'll be back up to par if not better than you started.

[Treasur]

I think it's understandable that the stress and chaos and uncertainty has an effect on our mental focus and work. No different than if a spouse or child was seriously ill really, just easier to explain and for people to cut you some slack. My business is barely in one piece after the last two years. It is pretty hard to market yourself and keep on top of things when you barely know what's coming your way from one week to the next.

East is right, it will come back as GAL becomes more about you and less about responding to the uncertainty.

[dale165]

East and Treasur, glad to hear you all made it through that predicament. Not happy you guys are in the same boat but happy to hear I'm not the only one with the same issue. My boss is understanding but he has nice guy syndrome like me. Ill just have to be direct with him about my displeasure in myself. He knows the sitch but has never brought up my performance.

East, man I hope you get your sitch resolved soon and able to get a descent schedule with your D.

[WshIKnw]

Dale, I was killing it at work and with my hobbies when my wife dropped the bomb. It's pretty typical for men to put their wives at a lower priority. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just learn from it.

My wife and I are slowly trying to work things out. I just gave her the new keys to our house on Tuesday. I had changed the locks back in March or February.

[TxHubby]

Just want to chime in and say have a BLAST in Vegas. That's what it's there for. I LOVE that place. Seriously man, for the time you're there DO NOT think about all this crap for 1 second. Do anything and everything that you want to do and make it trip so awesome that when you're 90 and on your death bed one of the last thoughts that go through your brain before you die is "damn, that was an awesome trip to Vegas. Legendary."

[dale165]

Thanks TX, my friends wont let me think about R while there! They don't quite understand my sitch and generally think I should tell her to hit the road but they been overall supportive. So Ill be surrounded by descent guys and definitely plan on sowing a little bit of oats! Only bummer is that I thought is was in couple weeks but its not until 9/21 so I got a little while longer.

In other news, she has called me twice this week for no apparent reason. She texts 99.9% of the time. There was no purpose of the calls but I was sure to cut the calls short and say I had to run.

[T384]

Maybe you should not answer the calls and respond to half of the texts

[dale165]

Haha T, I did once but she called back immediately, she cray! I stopped much communication on Monday or Tuesday so maybe she temp checking.