25 - everything seems cloudy to me. I think because I'm overwhelmed. I believe H was the man I needed. But I don't know what happens that he turns into this person
Everyone that knows us says he will regret it and that you don't put your own happiness ahead of the kids and you don't leave when you have a newborn.
I'm feeling super discouraged today. H still continues to text with boss daughter. Now he's talking on the phone an hour a day with an ex from prior to we met. She lives far away but they never talk and haven't seen each other since before we met 13 years ago. She's divorced with 3 kids... I just think what great advice he's getting from all these people that don't know me us or our family. They only know the lies he tells. He's so easily influenced and just looks to People like this to make him feel justified in his decision. Same crap as last time...
I am struggling with my feelings and like if what I'm doing is the right course of action.
He continues to remove himself further and further away as I have distanced myself. He went from at least asking about my day asking about the baby and thanking me when I would have the kids call him to stone cold silence. Like not a word. No communication AT ALL. it's like he's a mute in the house and when he's not here there is no text communication. It's now where he won't even call my phone to talk to the boys. He sent me a text last night 'have boys call if awake'
Like he can't even make full sentences.
I just feel like I'm pushing him further away.
Today is one of my down days. I recognize that.... trying to handle it and switch it around. The office is slow today so too much time to think.
1. not dropping the rope; 2. continuing to snoop; 3. continuing to compare yesterday to today.
The snooping is going to kill you. You are also using it to mind read. Perhaps he is discussing banana bread recipes with these women. You really don't know.
What you know is that he doesn't want to be married to you now. He is using your house as a flop house. He is not being an acceptable parent.
When I have read about your life, I want to be one of your kids. You get out and do more than anyone I've heard of despite working on your degree, working, having a newborn, having three young kids.
You have a kicka$$ life except you keep letting this loser get you down. Sorry, but now he is a big fat loser.
You are being mopey and sad T3, not the fun-loving, life of the party you were before. Please stop caring about the person he is now and live that precious life. If the old H comes back, you can change your mind but that guy is not on the planet right now.
We rode the train into the city yesterday and we all managed to make it out of the house and made the 9am train surprisingly... we took the 945pm train home and it was raining. I was on the wrong side and was on the side for the southbound train. Didn't realize it til after the train had came to the station. If you can picture all of us running in the rain and me pushing the stroller. Quite entertaining for the by standees but the boys and I laughed once we were safely on the train lol
Like I said I know you all think I'm nuts but it really truly doesn't show to the outside unless it's my family that know what's going on. I have distanced myself from majority of my friends who don't know what's going on because I don't want to talk about it but my few very close friends are actively in my life and commend me for continuing on with my life. You guys and my parents are unfortunately the ones that take the brunt of it.
Not that I am excusing my actions. I just don't want this to come off as of how I am in real life.
Today was my last day in internal medicine. I told the dr I'm with not to tear up haha. He offered me a job !!! but he said he knows my passion is intensive care but if I was interested in trying to let him persuade me he wanted the opportunity. I told him I'm always open to all offers so at least my day ended on a good note and he sent me home early.
I know the snooping is bad but it's almost like it hurts me more to not know. I have to know to remind myself of where he is at mentally emotionally etc.
I don't believe I'll ever be able to relate to how he just turns his switch off to caring about me and prefers to not have me in his life. Why am I the scape goat for all of his problems from his job the type of dad he is and the man he is. Why is it all my fault in his mind. I'm always the scapegoat and it [censored]
Oh and I got on H Snapchat today since he never uses it.... the girl he's been phone chatting with had sent him snap chats back in early June before he moved out of kissy faces and saying goodnight pictures of her in bed saying goodnight.
Why are you bothering to snoop? IT DOESN"T MATTER. He's not treating you with respect and the silent treatment is mind games. Why do you want in on a guy who can behave like that to anybody? If he were a stranger you wouldn't even want to be friends with him, right? So why worry about what he's doing?
Here's another 2x4: He may never regret leaving you.
Because he's that shallow.
Karma may never come for him. He may never know what he's missed out on because he doesn't know to value it. It doesn't matter to what you need to do to take care of yourself and your boys.
In my business we talk about the Three Boxes. There's Your Box, The Other Person's Box, and God's Box. Whenever you start spinning, stop and ask yourself: whose box am I in? If you're snooping, you're in his box. You can't do anything about his box. The only box you can impact is your own. If it's not his box and you can't impact it, then it's God's Box (or the Higher Power's box, or the Universe's box, whatever). Spend your emotions on your box -- you'll sleep better and recover quicker.
Your Snowflake has his own agenda, same as he had last time. You can't know it because he doesn't want you to know it. That's his box. Let him have his box. As far as I can tell it's a smelly one he's used to dock under a bridge somewhere. Also it's tiny.
Congratulations on having a job offer! Congratulations on ROCKING IT like Wonder Woman and giving your boys all these great memories! You do an awesome job with your box.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I guess I am a lot weaker than all of you. I just am given this [censored] sandwich that I'm supposed to eat and just not care about how he treats me, what he does, that he doesn't care about me, etc. I don't know how all of you guys just let it go and not snoop or not want to just scream at the top of your lungs.
I like to believe I am pretty mature and pretty level headed. I know I sometimes think pretty black and white but I would be lying if I said I didn't want to scream at him. I want to know what kind of a man does this a second time. What type of man conjures this story that his life is so terrible he has to walk out again and erase me from his life like last time.
I was starting to type a text asking him to not stay the night when I hear my dad talking to him on the phone. He called my dad to ask a question about the boys and ask about if they wanted him to bring them dinner tonight. Here we go... just like last time. Now he will call my dad so that he doesn't have to speak to me. What a re run of the same crappy movie all over again.
I don't think I'm meant to DB... I am not as good of a person as you all are to just let it go. I want to know what is so wrong with me that we have to go through this again.
In this moment, I feel like I have to file for D. My old self wouldn't ever put up with this a second time. My brain is screaming at me to stand up for myself and kick him to the curb. My heart is screaming at me to save my M and hurting that I have been replaced. Just like a piece of trash I have been thrown aside.
I guess I am a lot weaker than all of you. I just am given this [censored] sandwich that I'm supposed to eat and just not care about how he treats me, what he does, that he doesn't care about me, etc. This^^ is not true. I cared so much about how my h saw me and bought into his insanely high expectations that it left me reeling to see his indifference when I got so sick last fall. A light bulb went off but it was not "the spotlight". I had moments where I got confused again and backslid, and thought "this cannot be what h wants"...
but at some point you get too tired of the pain and T3, where the head goes, the heart will follow.
In the face of so many actions that mostly speak of h's desire to be done and finished and moving on, I accept that and I accept that only a fool would do this.
I do not have to understand the fool, thought I thought I did. Spent FAR too much time trying to do that. OMG so much wasted time! And self inflicted pain...
Nope, just need to understand ME and what I want. Plus, fact is, I cannot understand h. He's not operating with the same moral compass or narrative that I am. Neither is your h. Period. Don't put a rational spin on irrational behavior.
I don't know how all of you guys just let it go and not snoop or not want to just scream at the top of your lungs. I've not snooped b/c it would be too painful. besides, enough others do it for me. "just let it go"??
I've awakened sick to my stomach from nightmares, many times. Oh and I "stopped" being in menopause (sorry if that is TMI) so my body is telling me something earth shattering has happened to my life. Don't assume we don't all feel a deep blow to the heart and a gut punch...I know I do. I do meditate on that free app (Insight timer) on my iPhone and I do pray a lot.
I try to turn it all over to God b/c honestly, it's too much turmoil for me to handle alone. I think out the "turning it over" and I say it and I hear it. Seems like it sinks in more.
But there are 2 things I found out about ^^this pain.
First, the pain can be so great that you numb yourself (even without booze, I mean).
How? Not positive but it seems like you just shut down and turn off pain sources for self defense . Zero snooping...and I mean, zero. If there's no financial/legal point to it, then endless wondering is endless suffering.
And Somehow it begins to hurt less. Noticeably less, and I have to assume it's a self protection mode, and or God, saying "enough". At least for now.
Second, I can step back sometimes and look objectively at the actions of my h.
They're just lousy selfish really ODD choices. Cliched too. Dishonesty, selfishness, and some lunacy thrown in. No thanks. Really, no thanks. Takes a lot of self forgiveness to be able to look at our warts/flaws and say "even so, I deserve better" and know that it is true.
When I step back to look, NOT at what he said/says once upon a time or what we once we had, or what I thought we were going to have/do, or believed we planned together. I mean, look at what is real now.
SEE the lousy crap for what it is, and say "THIS is Not okay. In fact, it's crazy bad". - In my ditch, YES T3, it feels like being replaced. It IS being replaced positionally (at least right now) And really fast...it's painful and embarrassing - though I think he's the one to be embarrassed, frankly,
And it's nutty as he11 behavior.
To the point where I find myself thinking, "Wow, Good riddance to lunacy. I won't stoop. I will do NO "scorned ex -still married -wife" yelling or posting. I will stay dignified and let him go down in flames.
In your case, who cheats (or has "wildly inappropriate" r's with OWs) on a pregnant wife or leaves her with a newborn baby and 2 other sons? Who does this a second time?
Not a guy you can be with now, That's who. Step back and think about whether you want to play the "Pick ME!" game for the rest of your life.
Because I have a feeling that unless he has an earthquake within, you won't feel safe with him again.
No sign of earthquake in sight. I'm so sorry.
--Here we go... just like last time. Now he will call my dad so that he doesn't have to speak to me. What a re run of the same crappy movie all over again. Sorry I don't think I'm meant to DB... I am not as good of a person as you all are to just let it go. I want to know what is so wrong with me that we have to go through this again.
whatever your warts and all, he's been acting like a jerk to you. And at a terribly vulnerable time for you & your little ones. You did not force him to leave the home with a newborn, you did not force him to buy pricey items for himself, you did not force him to lie to you. [color:#3333FF] we cannot all save our m's but we can save ourselves. That is DBing, and you are doing a great job at it. [/color]
In this moment, I feel like I have to file for D. My old self wouldn't ever put up with this a second time. My brain is screaming at me to stand up for myself and kick him to the curb. well you are in a doorway trying to choose which way to go.
My heart is screaming at me to save my M and hurting that I have been replaced. Just like a piece of trash I have been thrown aside. Ugh tomorrow will be a better day.
yes it will be a better day. Remember this pain is not eternal or fatal. You will get past this & raise 3 great sons. And you will be happy again.
KARMA-- either your h will feel deep remorse and be haunted at some level, b/c he hurt the 4 people he should have loved the most, which would be karma #1
OR he's not able to put others ahead of himself or to be honest when it's "hard"...and
that means you won't be with that type of guy. You won't lose your soul a little at a time with that sick "wonder what he's doing now??" Feeling or modeling that for your sons.
you may even find a good solid man to help you raise your sons.
That's Karma #2.
karma #3 is all of the above.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
