As you mentioned yesterday your situation is greatly different from mine due to kids and an obvious third party involvement.
The gut reaction, is usually the one you should go with, and my initial reaction when reading your updates are that you are probably getting a little too much involved (not saying it isnt hard) but I think currently for an obvious intelligent women, you are letting your emotions run a little wild at the minute.. especially with the facebook situation. Im here there if you need to chat
Hey Benni, sorry not stopped by today I'm having a bit of a down day. Just had to tell my cleaner of 4 years who I've know for 10 so is a friend as well that I can't afford to keep her on.
I haven't heard from work and I really need that bottomed out so I know what my next move is in terms of the house and whether I have to get another job straight away. There's just so much to think about.
What do you mean about getting a little too involved?
I've got my S's sports day this afternoon his last one at junior school. His Daddy could take a day off to spend with OW yesterday but not even considered taking time to watch his S. I know I shouldn't be thinking that but he's missed out on so many events over the years due to army commitments, tours, etc, you think he would want to when he can.
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
SJW, this is tough, there's no question of it. And I'm very sorry you're going through it. But you are focusing far too much on the broken pieces of your life instead of looking for the glue to mend it back together. It sounds like step one is finding another job. You can't depend on your H for income or emotional support or ANYTHING right now and probably for quite some time to come. He's off in MLCer lala land where everything is green fields and unicorns flying through clear blue skies pooping skittles all day. So grieve, but do try and turn your focus on YOU and getting down to the business of picking up the pieces. There are many strong women on these forums that were in the same place you were and rebuilt themselves into Super Women that can beat the world into submission with one hand tied behind their backs, and I see that exact same strength and determination in you. I have a feeling you are going to get your stuff together and never look back, and by the time your cheating sorry-ass excuse for a husband decides to come crawling back you won't know whether you even want him or not (and you definitely won't need him). You can do this.
Thanks AS. I have always said I don't need him, he threw that back at me when I kicked him out, but I don't need him. At the moment and you know how those moments change I don't even know if I want him.
With regards to my job I can't do anything as officially I'm still employed I am just waiting for either redundancy or a settlement agreement and believe you me if my boss has got any sense it will be a decent settlement agreement with a significant confidentiality clause. I am not saying that to be nasty, I have been treated appallingly for the past few months and redundancy is just a lame way of getting me out of the business but it doesn't give me much in the way of a financial settlement and boy have I earned it for what I have put in.
So as you can see I'm battling in more than one area of my life currently and need the work sitch resolved so I can then focus on what to next in terms of the house, another job, etc.
I'm not relying on H at all but he has to contribute to keep the kids home he is paying 50/50 which he is required to do legally. He has no expenses outside of this as his accommodation is free at work so all his money is for OW and Lala land.
I've also told my FA who is a very old friend to start moving my assets so if it comes to it H can't touch them. I already had a lot of financial stability when I met my H, he had nothing so I need to protect myself. See in my lucid moments I am thinking practically I just seem to post the emotional stuff on here.
This weekend me and the kids are going to have a great weekend. Although I know they'll be times when I cry when they're in bed and times when I drive myself nuts wondering where he has taken her and what they are doing, I will not allow these to be the defining moments of my weekend.
I have also contacted
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
SJW, this is tough, there's no question of it. And I'm very sorry you're going through it. But you are focusing far too much on the broken pieces of your life instead of looking for the glue to mend it back together. It sounds like step one is finding another job. You can't depend on your H for income or emotional support or ANYTHING right now and probably for quite some time to come. He's off in MLCer lala land where everything is green fields and unicorns flying through clear blue skies pooping skittles all day. So grieve, but do try and turn your focus on YOU and getting down to the business of picking up the pieces. There are many strong women on these forums that were in the same place you were and rebuilt themselves into Super Women that can beat the world into submission with one hand tied behind their backs, and I see that exact same strength and determination in you. I have a feeling you are going to get your stuff together and never look back, and by the time your cheating sorry-ass excuse for a husband decides to come crawling back you won't know whether you even want him or not (and you definitely won't need him). You can do this.
My boy just smashed it at Sports Day very emotional as his last one at this school but serious proud Mummy moment. I love that kid with all my heart. 3 golds and 2 silvers!!!
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
H called about half an hour ago and I was getting the bins in and talking to my neighbour so missed the call. he then rang the house phone and I missed that too. S was in his room and DO watching TV and I had dinner on the go. I called him back and gave the phone straight to S who said 'Daddy can you track my phone I've lost it' he replied 'No I'm not doing it again' to which S said I'm playing FIFA talk later, huffy teenager who's nowhere near a teenager yet. H asked me if he's lost it again I said yes but it'll be in the house somewhere and passed the phone to DO. I heard her ask him where he was on exercise and when he would be back, I was busying myself making there dinner and didn't listen to anymore, S then came down and got back on the phone to H and started telling him about his sports day achievements.
They finished there convo and S hung up. 2 seconds later he calls back and asks me if I hung up or S, I said S and he was like thought he might have done did you go to sports day? I said yes he asked if it was raining I said no it was really cold but not raining. He then says that we didn't go on our day out yesterday because it was raining and I was like Oh what day out (he was supposed to be out with OW, told me Friday that he was taking the day off to take her out so why was he telling me they hadn't gone?). He says our Company day out to xxx theme park, I didn't say anything and he then said he just went for a few drinks with some of the guys from work last night. I had already said I was trying to do dinner could we talk later but he then said that he couldn't get his car insurance any cheaper and would have to find a way of paying me back (I paid £900 out of my savings for it). I said I would work out what it was over the year and split it over 12 months and deduct from his money tomorrow. he said well I'm not going to have much left so I said again I need to go I'm trying to get the kids dinner out. So he said OK 'Babe' (that really winds me up), I'll let you go.
Please tell me I actually got it right this time :-)
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
Text and asked when he told DO he's back he replied, Monday why, what do I say? S has asked him for Icloud password as his phone is locking out and it's on H's account so he's just text me and said I think you need to set S his own Icloud account as he's asking for the password everyday. I have no idea how to do this as I've never had an Iphone and surely I'll have to restore the phone to factory settings?? Any advice on all of the above and previous post?
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
