Is there any chance that she had already lined up your replacement? It's very rare for a mother with young children to drop such a bomb on her husband unless there is physical abuse, drug addiction, alcohol, etc. unless she has another man she's been hiding and is sure he'll step right in to support her financially and emotionally. Have you looked into that?
Of course it is your decision not to believe anything that I say too....
Sorry. My judgment is probably clouded a bit.
I'll take your word that she is depressed even if she doesn't show or seem like it at all. We have never fought and are not fighting now at all either. This is very amicable. I have a feeling that her feelings have died completely and I'm just a friend. Well time shows I guess.
Can someone guide me how I should approach the situations where I face her?
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
I'll take your word that she is depressed even if she doesn't show or seem like it at all. We have never fought and are not fighting now at all either. This is very amicable. I have a feeling that her feelings have died completely and I'm just a friend. Well time shows I guess.
Can someone guide me how I should approach the situations where I face her?
Yes you have been moved to the friend zone, this is is all script.
My suggestion is to mirror her and let her lead the conversations. Right now you prime job is to work on YOU. What changes or 180's can you make to improve yourself?
Is there any chance that she had already lined up your replacement? It's very rare for a mother with young children to drop such a bomb on her husband unless there is physical abuse, drug addiction, alcohol, etc. unless she has another man she's been hiding and is sure he'll step right in to support her financially and emotionally. Have you looked into that?
I asked originally but obviously she says there isn't anyone. Would have happened very fast and I doubt she would still show her naked for me etc in such a situation or ask me to join her in places?
She doesn't have any income at the moment (except social support) and she was very upset about it just today when we went through our bills. Either she is crying that she doesn't have money/can't survive properly without falling to asking someone to loan or she is holding the potential replacement and feeling guilty about it. How should I approach this? I can't see her messages because the phone is locked not do I really want to/or is my business. She is online a lot in WhatsApp though.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
Yes you have been moved to the friend zone, this is is all script.
My suggestion is to mirror her and let her lead the conversations. Right now you prime job is to work on YOU. What changes or 180's can you make to improve yourself?
What do you mean with script?
I can pursue a new job, study more, find new hobbies, start to be more with my friends, work out... be a much better father. Spend less time doing nothing on computer. Generally be positive and happy about my future, cure my depression.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
Not that I am an expert but if you read about depression oftentimes they seek thrills. So speaking to someone else excites them. It is a shiny new object. Others engage in other risky behaviors like gambling, addictions etc.
They often push the people that love them away.
Also just because they deny depression doesn't mean it's not there. My W. told me last Friday that even when the MC brought up depression she was confused as to why it was brought up. FORTUNATELY, for HER (and for me) my W. started reflecting on it and recognized it was a major issue.
(also and I say this as someone who tries to dismiss what people on here post when they read my sitch: they want to help us. When we are going through these things we think we are unique or we ignore something that is obvious. Read other people's threads... even when time and time again the person dismisses advice people keep going. Sometimes we need someone using CAPS to highlight a key piece of advice rather than say it with lots of words and nicer tone where we might find reasons to ignore the actual advice... obviously none of us on here knows YOU or the people involved in your sitch. Obviously, sometimes your gut has to be followed...but I can tell you that the overall advice is SPOT ON. I was skeptical since it seems so typical but I have noticed the truth about the advice in my own life)
Not that I am an expert but if you read about depression oftentimes they seek thrills. So speaking to someone else excites them. It is a shiny new object. Others engage in other risky behaviors like gambling, addictions etc.
They often push the people that love them away.
Also just because they deny depression doesn't mean it's not there. My W. told me last Friday that even when the MC brought up depression she was confused as to why it was brought up. FORTUNATELY, for HER (and for me) my W. started reflecting on it and recognized it was a major issue.
(also and I say this as someone who tries to dismiss what people on here post when they read my sitch: they want to help us. When we are going through these things we think we are unique or we ignore something that is obvious. Read other people's threads... even when time and time again the person dismisses advice people keep going. Sometimes we need someone using CAPS to highlight a key piece of advice rather than say it with lots of words and nicer tone where we might find reasons to ignore the actual advice... obviously none of us on here knows YOU or the people involved in your sitch. Obviously, sometimes your gut has to be followed...but I can tell you that the overall advice is SPOT ON. I was skeptical since it seems so typical but I have noticed the truth about the advice in my own life)
I didn't mean I trust them. It just feels odd. I appreciate all the help I can get.
Yes, I would really love to know what she is up to and if she has someone in line after me or not. I doubt I can find out any other way than by being patient.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
