WAW and the Big D

[Bdog37]

Awesome!

However, I'd hold off on that until after the divorce (if you do, that is...). Just sayin...

Already told him that lol! He said it will still be on the table, but wants me to talk to my L as well. Laws change in my state come July 1st so I should be good, but we will see.

[doodler]

SAL,

I'd be happy to hold onto your raise money for you until after your divorce. Once you're divorced, I can split it with you. I know, right...doodle is such a good guy.

[doodler]

And I can't even spell my own freakin' name.

[Bdog37]

Hahahahaha!! For all the laughs....why the hell not! Course then the first rounds are on you when this is all said and done lol!

[Dawgs]

Hahahahaha!! For all the laughs....why the hell not! Course then the first rounds are on you when this is all said and done lol!

Count me in!

[Bdog37]

Journaling

Not much to report. D process has been extended until next month. All convo with STBEW is minimal and kept in regards to logistics for the kids. I do continue to get more time with them so that is great! Celebrated Easter with them and had a blast!

Think the hardest part out of all this now is when I don't have my girls. I am keeping extremely busy, but there are times at night (when the house is silent) that it creeps in. Once I start missing them I begin to feel anger and resentment towards the STBEW because I think she is taking them from me..... Even though I only go 2 days a week without having them it is still really difficult to deal with right now. I will get there.

I haven't been posting much because I have used most of my time on here reading. Reading a lot of sitch's from newcomers and even a lot from the vets on here. For all those who are newcomers I would suggest you check out some of the wonderful posts from the vets on here. Their insight can possibly help shed some light on your sitch.

Cadet
Job
fisherman
25yearsmic
Jack3Beans (RIP)
Sandi2
Vanilla

Are just a few out of many wonderful people on here that have shared some of the same experiences with their S's and offered some really good advice and even some laughter at times.

Some of these vets were DB'ing when I was blissfully in love and unaware of what was about to happen. Some are still here today trying to offer any wisdom or help that they can to the newcomers.

When I first came here I was SadAndLonely, but I think now its time to change my username..... Think this is only possible because of what I have learned from all the wonderful people on here and Michelle's books.

Yes, it stinks that we all find ourselves here, but I truly believe that what we take from here are great tools that can make us all better our future R's with or without our S's. I personally know that I have come a long way in just a few short months and look forward to a brighter future.

Onward and upward my friends!

[Tread]

Bdog37 been catching up on your sitch and its glad to see that your handling it so much better than you started. I'm nowhere near the point of BD where you are. But seeing your attitude gives me a sense of hope that things will get better with my own feelings.

[Bdog37]

Journaling

Wow, just wow.... Not sure why the actions of my STBEW still surprises me, but I just hate seeing how someone going through a MLC or being a WW, WAS, whatever, abandon their kids.

A couple weeks ago she texted me saying that she would like the girls on Mother's Day since it was my scheduled weekend with them. I, of course, said its not even a discussion and she could def have them that day. Makes sense, no?

So then last Thursday she texted me telling me they will be at the babysitter's so I could pick them up there and that on Mother's Day she plans on picking them up at noon and dropping them off at 4. I hesitated for a second and replied by saying she is more than welcome to have them the entire day. She told me that I had no right to tell her how to spend the day with "her kids" and that it was up to her.

I kindly went back and replied; "by no means and I'm trying to tell you how to spend your time with the girls". "I just thought that it being Mother's Day and all that you would like to spend the entire day with them"?!?! I told her that she could even pick them up Sat. night if she wanted to wake up with them. She came back and said, "ok, that's fine".

Now, at first I thought I was the one overreacting but then it started bugging me that she only wanted to spend 4 hours with her girls on the one day celebrated of being a mother. However, not my problem so I kindly responded by saying that I will have them ready by noon and she is more than welcome to drop them off at 4. I also asked her to extend me the same courtesy when it comes to Father's Day as I will want the entire day with them. She basically said no problem.

I've seen a similarity in OM1 and OM2. Neither one of them have children or much responsibility at all. They are free to do what they want and when they want to. Hell, the one she is with now is a 42 year old guy that lives with 4 roommates and is in a band. I truly now believe this is what she desires.

The problem with, whatever the hell she is going through, is the fact that she is ruining any relationship she has with my little girls and it breaks my heart. She gave up her time with them last Friday so she could go out of town with the OM2 so basically she only had them 2 days last week. It seems like a norm now.

I had to tell my oldest that she couldn't go to her last Girl Scout meeting because; "mommy was busy". Again, it was last Friday and the STBEW said she can't because she has, "plans" and she made these plans weeks in advance. Well those plans involved going up to the city for the weekend with OM2 and she happily posted it all over FB. I had to be the one to tell my oldest that she wouldn't be able to go...broke my heart. If I were able to bring her then I would have happily done so, (long story).

How is it that they can so easily give up precious time with their own children? The 2 nights a week that I go without my girls I am miserable. Is their own selfishness that blinding that they can't even see what they are doing to their own kids??

This is such a perplexing concept to me and I surely don't understand the mind frame of someone like this. I read a lot of posts over the weekend and came across a post by a user named Wishingitwasover. She made a great post on here (back in 2004) about the "Do's and Don'ts " when dealing with someone going through a MLC that really resonated with me.

They become Teenagers again and become VERY slefish, They Become VERY angry, They can Be VERY nasty, You can NOT take this personal, they are angry at themselves but will take it out on you.. Just like a teenager they will look at YOU as the Father/Mother figure NOT as a Husband or Wife..

I'm starting to believe that my STBEW is going through a MLC. The selfishness of her actions clearly demonstrate her mind frame right now. It's a shame to see that she would give up so much, but I guess I have to look at her as someone going through this and just continue to be a "rock" for my little girls.

[Thornton]

I've experienced this with my ExW (Not the one I'm currently with). Anytime she would meet a new guy, I could keep D all I wanted.

It's basically an addiction. When "in love", the feel good chemicals are running rampant in the WW. People will minimize their children just to get another "hit" of their drug of choice (OM).

[Bdog37]

Journaling/Venting

This is going to be a messy D and not by my doing. My STBEW has become someone that I am starting to despise. Without going into too much of it, as I already have in a previous post, I had the girls on Mother's Day. Not by my choosing, but I was certainly blamed for keeping them away from her. Go figure...

I really don't care that she is telling friends and family that I'm keeping the kids away from her. I know the truth and have proof so that's just not the case. I've been printing our text messages, keeping a journal, and writing all this down on a calendar. All of which will be sent to my L.

The part that is starting to make me despise her is the fact that she has told multiply mutual friends that she plans to go for full custody. This hurts me deeply... First, she rips out half my heart by having an affair and now she wants to take the other half?!?!

How can someone be so cruel?? It just hurts so bad coming from someone I loved so much. Someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. Someone who I would have taking a bullet for. Someone who was my best friend. It stings so badly that I am now worried I'm jaded and will never love/trust again.

I fear that this D is going to get so out of hand because she is going to force me to protect myself. Unfortunately, I think that is the moment when the best interest of the children gets put aside for the selfish reasons of the S's. I don't want that for my girls. They don't deserve that at all!! I would NEVER keep them from her so how could she want to keep them from me. Why can't she see that co-parenting is the best situation for OUR kids??