Yes, thats is true, we were very emeshed esp when we mived to CA. In Nashville we did have sone friends. I think there is def some codependency going on. I am trying to let go but not knowing anything or if he even still has feelings for me .. is hard.
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
I'm not familiar with your story but it sounds like you got some feedback that you didn't want to hear. I'd start there. Take the things that were said to you to heart and dig deep to see if any of that is true. We are as much to blame for our M problems as our WA Spouse. No doubt you have your own stuff to fix. Focus on that. Your H is going to have to be willing to do the same if this is to work.
Dont date if you are wanting to save your M. Go out an be social but don't get involved. Have you told your H that you don't want a D?
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
Yes, he knows but right now he is pretty adamant that he does but then I did all the usual begging and bombarded him with emails etcc. So, he has bever not heard from me for any tength of time. I am afraid he will forget me and that sounds pitiful.
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
I understand your fear, but I don't think prodding him and constantly reminding him of you is the way to go here..actually it is better to leave him wondering a little...and better for you to get the focus more off him and onto you..
Can I ask what you found so difficult about the feedback when you were previously posting? As LiM said - this is probably a good place to start. Also, some background into the marriage would help too..and then we can better help you
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I posted some background on my marriage in this thread but I am happy to answer specific wuestions. the feedback that upset ne was a member telling me my son would be better off in foster care. At that time we werereally struggling and had been homeless.. I found it insilting and the tone was really judgemental and not helpful. I really don't want to re-hash all of that because I realized my part was overly sensitive.
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
Hi Judela, I'm sorry you were upset by something that was posted before. This is a support forum and it is always best to think before we post whether something is likely to be helpful to the forum member. It is good that you returned though..
These are the questions I posted above..
Also, it would be helpful to have some more context about your marriage? Do you have kids? Kids together? Has it been a long marriage? First marriage for you both? OP involved? It helps us better help you, with tailored advice, if we know a little more about your situation.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
First M for me, second for him. No kids together but I have a son thart my H was his only dad. No OP, we had some financial problems, We were together 22 years married 10. I am so heartbroken.44
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
I need advice. I have been going dark for a couple weeks. Just to give you a bit of background, my H left last June after a fight. We had been fighting more because we had some financial problems which to be honest, that is the primary reason we broke. The financial problems led to the fighting which eventually took its toll on our marriage. I love my H more than you can imagine and I took him for granted. He has resentments and will not communicate with me at all.. I am thinking its because he fears confrontation or ugliness. I miss him, I am devastated still. I feel strongly that our divorce would be a mistake. After he left, I did the crazy lady stuff, crying, begging, emails, texts etc, I don't understand men and their feelings so I have no idea if he still has feelings. He has never told me yhat he doesn't love me anymore. After 12 years and a very deep love for each other, I guess I don't see how. I want him back and I don't know what to do. Please, I need some advice, hope or anything that might help. I feel like I should reach out to him and not give up. Thank you all so much!
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
I need advice. I have been going dark for a couple weeks. Just to give you a bit of background, my H left last June after a fight. We had been fighting more because we had some financial problems which to be honest, that is the primary reason we broke. The financial problems led to the fighting which eventually took its toll on our marriage. I love my H more than you can imagine and I took him for granted. He has resentments and will not communicate with me at all.. I am thinking its because he fears confrontation or ugliness. I miss him, I am devastated still. I feel strongly that our divorce would be a mistake. After he left, I did the crazy lady stuff, crying, begging, emails, texts etc, I don't understand men and their feelings so I have no idea if he still has feelings. He has never told me yhat he doesn't love me anymore. After 12 years and a very deep love for each other, I guess I don't see how. I want him back and I don't know what to do. Please, I need some advice, hope or anything that might help. I feel like I should reach out to him and not give up. Thank you all so much! My apologies if I am posting incorrectly.
judeinla W 52 H 56 bomb dropped 6/17/16 H filed 7/2/16 Still Separated
Please stick to one thread until you've reached the 100 postings/replies. The reason for this is because not only can we follow you and your situation closely, but you can as well. When you have more than one thread going at a time, people aren't always sure about where to post.
Cadet may come along and merge the two threads together.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
