180man Thread 3

[Cadet]

Do I just give her space and let her divorce me and deploy and never see her again?

You seem to be making an assumption that one thing is related to another.
You could continue to pursue her and still be divorced and never see her again.
Or you could detach and work on yourself and she could change her mind.

There are no guarantees.

[180Man]

Well, I really was ready. Seriously. But this ongoing situation has really confused me in the last 12 hours or so. I think that's why I'm saying all of this from one breath to the next. I haven't had time to really process it.

So telling OM's W will decrease our chances of a future? Argh, this book I'm reading (won't say the title out of respect for where we're at) suggests it's a good idea! I need to go back and check to see what Michele says.

This. Sùcks.

[180Man]

Do I just give her space and let her divorce me and deploy and never see her again?

You seem to be making an assumption that one thing is related to another.
You could continue to pursue her and still be divorced and never see her again.
Or you could detach and work on yourself and she could change her mind.

There are no guarantees.

Right, I know

[Cadet]

So telling OM's W will decrease our chances of a future? Argh, this book I'm reading (won't say the title out of respect for where we're at) suggests it's a good idea! I need to go back and check to see what Michele says.

Its a controversial topic that has been going on for years here.
MHO is that it may or may not work.
I would suggest your advice to yourself above is good for this forum.
Leave the other book out of this forum.

[MoveFrwd]

I still feel like forgiving her is the right thing.

Forgiving her and telling her you forgive her are two different things.

I'm now seriously considering telling OM's W.

I dont understand why. Ending the A is one thing. Getting her to come back to you is a different one. What is your goal?

Does walking by the Applebee's and looking at the menu not need to happen once in a while? I'm in great shape, I was doing well emotionally speaking until yesterday, and I felt I could talk to her confidently.

Again, theres a difference between her seeking out a menu and you shoving a menu in her face and telling her to read it. You need to rebuild your brand and have it spread by word of mouth. You dont need to take out ads showing your new item - it will just be seen as a gimmick.

When I dropped the rope for a couple months, she kept pressing on with the D.

I dont think youve dropped the rope for even a second. When have you been detached from the outcome of this?

[Dawgs]

So telling OM's W will decrease our chances of a future? Argh, this book I'm reading (won't say the title out of respect for where we're at) suggests it's a good idea! I need to go back and check to see what Michele says.

It is. However, this is no one on here who's word is above others.

[Dawgs]

Leave the other book out of this forum.

Why?

[LITB]

Well, I really was ready. Seriously. But this ongoing situation has really confused me in the last 12 hours or so. I think that's why I'm saying all of this from one breath to the next. I haven't had time to really process it.

This is one of the reasons it is so important to detach. When you are detached, it gives you the ability to navigate more clearly without expectation. Your emotions will be more stable. It takes time.

[180Man]

I still feel like forgiving her is the right thing.

Forgiving her and telling her you forgive her are two different things.

I agree.

I'm now seriously considering telling OM's W.

I dont understand why. Ending the A is one thing. Getting her to come back to you is a different one. What is your goal?

Getting her to come back.

Does walking by the Applebee's and looking at the menu not need to happen once in a while? I'm in great shape, I was doing well emotionally speaking until yesterday, and I felt I could talk to her confidently.

Again, theres a difference between her seeking out a menu and you shoving a menu in her face and telling her to read it. You need to rebuild your brand and have it spread by word of mouth. You dont need to take out ads showing your new item - it will just be seen as a gimmick.

When I dropped the rope for a couple months, she kept pressing on with the D.

I dont think youve dropped the rope for even a second. When have you been detached from the outcome of this?

Well, I really was ready. Seriously. But this ongoing situation has really confused me in the last 12 hours or so. I think that's why I'm saying all of this from one breath to the next. I haven't had time to really process it.

This is one of the reasons it is so important to detach. When you are detached, it gives you the ability to navigate more clearly without expectation. Your emotions will be more stable. It takes time.

Maybe I need to hear an example of detachment? I went dark on her for over two months. I don't call her, I don't text her, I don't walk to where she works ten minutes from here. I stopped talking to her family.

Wouldn't true detachment meaning giving no shíts at all? In fact, not buying any of these books? Not participating in this forum? Just dropping the mic and walking away? I'm not trying to be a pain, I'm really just trying to figure out what it is I need to be doing that I'm not.

I am invested in the outcome, of course. We all are because we're all here on this website! No?!?

Appreciate your patience with me.

[Dawgs]

I'm now seriously considering telling OM's W.

I dont understand why. Ending the A is one thing. Getting her to come back to you is a different one. What is your goal?
Getting her to come back.

Why? Why do you want someone back who not only disrespected the marriage, but you? And, how could you trust them again? A cheetah can't change its spots.