Thank you LITB. Great advice. The crazy thing on all of this, is that I would be giving the same advice to people if i were removed from the situation. Crazy how emotions cloud your decision making.
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
She has obviously fallen head over heels for this man but do we all think she is truly happy or is this her way of coping and getting away from the situation? Will her relationship with him last? As much as it embarrasses me to say, TODAY...if she were to come to me and say she broke it off with OM and wants to work on our marriage, I would say yes.
2x4 [ON] OFF Why does it matter if she is truly happy or not? The truth is, the marriage doesn't mean anything to her - nothing at all. And before anyone talks mindreading, if it did then she wouldn't be sleeping with another. Period. It may last, it may not. Doesn't really make any difference.
Use this time to work on you. And you only. Because that's what is really important - not her. YOU.
Now, let me ask a direct question - why do you want someone back who so blatantly disrespected you and the marriage? Also, lets say, just for sh*ts and giggles, if she does want to try again...what would cross your mind if she goes for an extra-long walk? Or is late "shopping?" Or traffic? Would a smidgeon of doubt cross your mind? If so, then that is very telling.
Maybe the real thing we should examine is our own selfish reason...
2x4 ON [OFF]
Not be blunt or come across as an a**, so don't take it that way. Just providing a different perspective.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
So, is she truly in love or coping in your opinion? The OM is is 6 years older than me, not attractive, doesn't make as much $ etc... of course none of these things matter but what gives?
If I were a betting man, I'd bet her relationship with OM will fall apart at some point.
Ultimately, you need to get yourself to your healthy and happy place independent of her. Once you get there, then things will be more clear and your choices won't be made from a place of emotional fog.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Jeep74 - you are exactly right. However...I was not a great husband for 16 years. She put up with a lot of sh*t from me. Is this an excuse for her doing what she is doing right now...of course not. But the thing neutral parties fail to consider in my opinion is that over the course of 16 years, there was a TON of good times and a special bond created and maintained. If there was ever a chance of things working out (highly unlikely at this point), trust would be a MAJOR issue that would have to be worked on very slowly with a TON of boundaries put into place by both of us. Again, probably living in a pipe dream but who knows...crazier things have happened.
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
I would document the days that she is spending overnight at OM's. I think this could work in your favor in custody discussions.
Definitely helped me out in court.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
What about documentation with photos/videos? I can literally film her walking to/from.
She is now a "streetwalker"!!! Ha!
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Jeep74 - you are exactly right. However...I was not a great husband for 16 years. She put up with a lot of sh*t from me. Is this an excuse for her doing what she is doing right now...of course not. But the thing neutral parties fail to consider in my opinion is that over the course of 16 years, there was a TON of good times and a special bond created and maintained. If there was ever a chance of things working out (highly unlikely at this point), trust would be a MAJOR issue that would have to be worked on very slowly with a TON of boundaries put into place by both of us. Again, probably living in a pipe dream but who knows...crazier things have happened.
Whether you were a great husband or not is irrelevant. There are only two valid reasons for divorce: Adultery or abuse.
Pipe dreams are OK as long as you know they are just that and don't bet your future on it. You need to worry about you and your kid. Nothing else matters.
Originally Posted By: sellout
What about documentation with photos/videos? I can literally film her walking to/from.
She is now a "streetwalker"!!! Ha!
Only if you have photo proof of them together.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/29/1712:01 PM. Reason: Combine posts
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Just emailed my lawyer asking for his advice. Stay tuned...
Just a few min ago my wife calls my cell phone which she hasn't done with probably 2 weeks. I didn't answer. I texted back a few min later saying that I was in/out of meeting the majority of the day. She said, thats fine, just call me when you can. I text back saying, no, i dont have much of a desire to talk on the phone and we can handle everything through texts. She didn't respond yet. Good/bad? Thoughts?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
