WW in PA: Threaten to tell kids? Confront OM?

[Cadet]

Thanks for the consolidate, Cadet (and, again, for all your help!) I was, however, hoping to get some eyeballs specifically on my two questions about "Telling Kids about affair" and "Confrontation", since these are two issues that are very "imminent" for me. Understand that policy is policy, though.

I will try to give you an answer shortly however in the meantime here is another piece of advice about how to get more people to post on your thread.
I can tell you it is NOT by creating more threads.

How to get more people to POST on my thread?

To get more replies my suggestion is to ask questions.
Put you post down in a readable fashion. (not one big block of type- ie hit carriage return frequently).
KISS = Keep it simple stupid
Post on other peoples threads and give them support.
You may not think you are qualified but you will be surprised that you may know something
or have some knowledge of something that others know nothing about.
Personally thank each poster that does post on your thread or ask them a follow up question.

Keep posting! - (Most important part)

[LH19]

Do not get your kids involved!!!!!!!

Nothing wrong with having a man to man conversation.

[hoosjim]

Thanks LH for the response. Never said I'd necessarily involve the kids, just threaten to. Assume your answer would be the same, though.

By the same token, would you actually advocate obscuring the truth from them (they ARE 17 and 18, remember) if they ask-- and remember I believe strongly that the older one already suspects.

Thanks again!!!

[doodler]

1. No, don't tell the children. They'll figure it out soon enough.

2. Sure, confront the friend (or ex-friend). Schedule a face-to-face meeting somewhere and discuss it with him. In my opinion, if you're unwilling to call someone out, you look very weak.

[Cadet]

Is it ever advisable to ACTIVELY threaten to tell kids.

My opinion is you should DO NOTHING that actively puts you in the middle of the relationship between your kids and their mother.
Let her handle or not handle that.
Believe me they probably know more than you think and she has likely already done things to them that they do not like.
Our job is to be the BEST parent that we can possibly be, and not hurt our children.

[hoosjim]

Thanks, Cadet.. appreciate the assist.

I feel, as I am sure many here do, that I have screwed up so badly that I have nothing to offer (other than never, ever, ever, ever stop showing your wife how special she is to you-- but that advice will almost certainly be too late for anyone already on these boards, lol.)

I am mostly on an island here, for a number of reasons, so will probably try to start reaching out more.

I will strive to contribute where I can.

Thanks again!




Thanks again!

[Cadet]

So I ask you

How can you be a better father?

Make me a list of 3 things that you can DO to help facilitate that?

[hoosjim]

Thanks, Cadet. I think this is very good, measured advice, which is often just the kind of advice I need to hear.

[hoosjim]

3 ways to be a better father:

1) Be "available" more when they need me.
2) Be more patient when they struggle (takes ALOT with a tourette's child)
3) Show/Tell them how they should treat a woman-- an area I really "fell down" on, obviously, and now don't have nearly the opportunity that I used to.

Thanks again, Cadet.

[Cadet]

I will say a little more.

How attractive do you think being a good father is?
When we marry it is to find a mate to biologically make
offspring, so we look for someone with the characteristics we think we want to do that.
Later after we have children being a good parent is VERY important to attraction of our mate.

So some of the advice that 25MLC likes to give is to become
a person that only a fool would leave.
There are no guarantees here, however I can tell you that what you learn here can make you into one of those fathers.

Begging, Pleading, Bargaining is not going to re-attract your wife.
Read up on pursuit and distance.
Whatever you did in your marriage did not cause her to break her marriage vows.
That is all on her.
Love is a CHOICE.
It is NOT a feeling.

Ok work on that list.