part of me wants to talk to women but then I starting thinking would I be doing it for the right reasons? I don't want to put myself in the wrong situation or another path with the wrong woman.
It took me a while before I wanted to talk to anyone, and I'm still not anywhere near a relationship-level mindset. There is a difference between the two. I say get out and do it - there is absolutely nothing wrong with going out with someone else and you'll find it would do wonders for your confidence. And, there is nothing wrong with some strange, either.
All to often, people get stuck on their exes and in the moping phase and fail to see a date - or even coffee - as part of the healing. However, some will argue you need time, and to an extent that is correct. But its also like riding a horse, if you fall off and don't get back on soon you may never do it again.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Cheesyt, Yeah, everything is good, just been busy so haven't been on much. I went to TX to visit the step kids from a previous relationship, SS(15), SD(13). They all want me to move there, including their dad, stepmom and younger brother. Ha! It is nice to be so loved! I got to see my SD show her rabbits for FFA and I was thankful to be able to be a part of it. It was a really nice visit and I am actually considering moving there. It could be a lovely change and a fresh start.
I will see SS next week. Last I saw him he just told me how OW is fully moved in and they were painting the master and moved all of "our" things out and moved OW's furniture in.
Got everything to the L that they needed so hopefully will have a date very soon.
Haven't heard anything from W other than that she had more stuff for me. She took it over to her X-H's house for me to pick up. Some of it was really useful, then she gave me some of her mother's things. I was like "Um, this isn't mine". She said she didn't want it back so in the trash it went.
I'm still talking to the woman I've been seeing. Still taking things at a snail's pace. Neither of us are in any rush to be in a R, we just want to enjoy one another's company on occasion and yet still keep our own separate lives too. I definitely dig her, but I also definitely have zero desire to define it as anything or make any sort of commitment. She seems to feel exactly the same so for now we will just enjoy what we have going. Maybe it will end up more eventually, maybe it will fizzle out. Who knows, but right now I'm enjoying the fact that there is zero pressure for it to be anything other than fun.
Jeep, My brother is one that has never gotten back on that horse. His gf cheated on him 5 years ago and he has not dated even once since. I would rather not end up like that, however, he seems quite happy with his solitary life. I just don't think it is for me on the long term, plus, as you said, nothing wrong with some strange. Well, for some people, I realize others will disagree.
bsb, It is important to do your best to ensure you're doing things for the right reasons. For me, I guess I just had a switch flip where I decided I deserved much better than my W could ever offer me so I no longer want to save my M. Not everyone can or should feel the same and I understand that. I just know that looking back on my M and R in general that there were many reasons I feel I deserve better, and she deserves better than what I can offer her as a partner too. We are all different, so just do whatever you feel is best for yourself.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I understand completely!! As I replied in my thread, I'm kinda at the same point in my life. One thing I wish I could have done months ago was realize time is on our side and things will get better no matter what. We all hear it but I think most of us don't really understand it when we are in denial.
Just here to vent. Still can't get the lawyer to get on the ball and get a presentation date set for the divorce. The only thing I'm waiting on for it to be final is the judge's stamp and that can't happen until the presentation. I'm so over it and ready for it to be done. The goodness-I-hope-someday-STBXW is supposedly getting served the custody papers on Friday.
Also, been getting some temp checks from the STBXW. Checking where I'm living, who I'm living with, asking me if I was in a hurry to get a D because I wanted to remarry. Just stupid stuff. We saw each other for the first time in over a month the other day because I was a SS's and she brought some of my stuff over so we loaded it in my car together. Later she text me and told me how great it was to see me and how her "selfish a$$" does like to see me from time to time "to make sure I'm doing okay and that I'm happy". I'm not sure how physically seeing me gives her any gauge on that, but my guess is that it doesn't and she just wants to cake eat. No thanks! Bye, Felicia!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Looking at your profile details, your BD/asking for S/D happened around the time mine did mid-November. Your sitch moved FAST...because you were serious about your boundaries, moved out, GAL, and filed (within a month!).
I applaud you for protecting yourself and, again, keeping your boundaries firm and following through.
My sitch is a bit different. I'm just waiting and hoping. DBing, but preparing for the worst (D; single mom with two kids, one with special needs).
Hope to be as resolved as you one day soon. It's funny, you came here to vent that the D isn't progressing fast enough, and the rest of us are wanting the process to sloooooow down!
Good luck with everything and if you do move to TX, good luck with that as well. Would love to hear all the updates.
Yes, it moved super fast, and my reasoning for filing was to get it done before she was ever served for the custody stuff, but that didn't work out since my L took his sweet time. Hoping now that I don't end up with more of the debt, but if I do then I'll deal.
I wanted so much to fix my M at first, but the more I'm away from her the more I see our M clearly and I don't like what it was. That and she's shown me a very ugly side of her through this D as well. I absolutely applaud those that want to fix their Ms and rebuild. I think that is amazing; I just decided in this case it wasn't what I wanted after all.
Updates: Finally got a court date of March 10th. She goes to court for the custody stuff on Feb 17th. She got served on Friday 2/3. She text me and asked me if I knew anything about it. I stated yes, but that I wanted to stay out of the middle of it. She said she appreciates that and really respects that. Not the reaction I was expecting given the things she's been saying about me lately, but I was glad for it.
She's now telling people that I left her and she never wanted me to leave that it was all my idea, and that I ran up her credit cards and stuck her with all of the debt. For one, I never had access to her credit cards. Much closer to the truth is that WE put OUR vacations on her credit cards and until we split we were busting butt to pay those down as fast as possible. I decided not to confront her about it though. She'd either deny it or buy into the BS she's spouting and quite frankly I don't care what people think of me. The ones that know me know better and the ones that don't can think what they want.
I do find it quite laughable, however, that she reportedly said that I was the one to leave her and she didn't want that and that she only moved her gf in because I left her abruptly and stuck her with all the bills. She almost makes it sound like she wanted me to stay, but of course keep her gf on the side as if they makes her look better somehow than her asking for a D.
I'm just biding my time until the D if official and then I'm going to wash my hands of her as much as possible.
Hope everyone has a wonderful week!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
wow, just because D is nearing doesn't mean she's not following the WW script. re writing history, classic! I think the only difference between your D and the rest of us holding on is the fact that yeah we were able to see a terrible side of our Spouses but we chose to stay and have hope. Whereas you saw it and decided it’s not something you can live with. Ultimately I believe we will all reach that point, some quicker than others and some might have their S’s come back, therefore not needing to.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
