You've got to love the MLC'er! They are so contrary, they can't even manage to get through two sentences without contradicting themselves.
So, W brought over the kids and SD came too. SD wanted to talk to me about train times, so stayed for tea - yippee! We had a good old chinwag and made plans for her to go to her boyfriend's, father's, wedding in April. I'll book the train tickets for her and she can pay me back later. No worries. Other two kids are having fun and are great.
It's W's birthday next week, so I got a present for her from the kids, and SD is on the card as well, although she is also buying her a book. I did say I don't know why I bother, but SD told me it was nice and that she will like it. Nothing fancy; chocolates from Thorntons and a perfume set that was on sale at John Lewis. It wasn't 'til I got back that I realised it had a Christmas scene on the box! Oh well, I wasn't going to spend a fortune.
W arrived to pick up the kids. First off, compared to Sunday, she was in a narky mood. Stomped in hurrying the kids along, which is difficult when one child is disabled, one needs the toilet and the eldest has got the same kidney infection that I had
W then moved on to aske me if I could have the kids on a date in February. I said I couldn't as I was going to be working (well, we all need some extra overtime sometimes) and reminded her that it was her idea to change the weekends around. She sighed and said she wanted to go to a school friends parents birthday party.
W then started to have a go at me about her maintenance payment. She said she wanted it early and in cash as she had 'spent a lot at Christmas and she had just paid for D's birthday party, and I haven't got any money'. Errr.....hang on a minute. She's having plastic surgery next month; bought the kids an xbox for Christmas and is wanting to go on night's out with her friends, but it's my fault she has no money? Yeah, that'll be right.
Before I could say anything, W laid in to me with a 'don't you shrug your shoulders' (I hadn't done anything as I was tying my S's shoelaces at the time), 'you owe me that money' (yes, when I get paid), before she turned on her heels and marched down the stairs!
Phew! Chickens coming home to roost perhaps? Live within your means? Don't rely on the person who supported you through thick and thin for 18 years, and then you decided to get rid of with a casual 'I don't find you physically attractive anymore'. I could have said all that, but what's the point. She needs to work all that out for herself - right?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
She has a lot to learn...how to budget her money and not to expect to be paid her maintenance any earlier than expected. Her priorities aren't in the right place at the moment.
I do hope you and your child are feeling better soon.
She really does need to grow up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Typical MLC'er behaviour isn't it? You can't moan if you throw your anchor over the side and then when you need it, it's not there. A lot of growing up to do.
I'm better, but my SD is suffering a bit. It all seems to stem from the kids party we attended. Thanks for asking.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Haven't posted for a while, so here's what's been going on!
It was my W's birthday this week. I didn't wish send her wishes or anything. It seemed a bit cold, but as sandi 2 says, no rewards for bad behaviour. I'd bought gifts for her from the kids, but she said nothing.
The previous week my D had been ill again (a bug going around school), and she had contacted me to tell me she was unwell. She also told me her surgery was being moved back a week and could I reorganise the time off I need to look after the kids. I said I could and she almost seemed like her old self on the phone - pleasant and nice. Well that is until I called later that night to see how D was doing. I got a 'what do you want' when she picked up the phone. It was if she hadn't even remembered that she called. Is it unusual for their behaviour to change so much in just 6 hours?
This week, on Wednesday, my S got the bug. She called me, but it was just shuffling noises coming down the phone. I gave it a minute and hung up. A couple of hours later she called me again to tell me about S. She was telling me how much he was vomiting and that she was struggling. Sadly, there is nothing I could have done, as by the time I had got to her house on the bus etc. it would have been late. Of course I sympathised, and said I would call in the morning.
I called the next morning and she told me how hard it had been through the night. She had to change my S's bedding at least twice, as well as her own bedding. It sounded brutal, and she had only got about two hours sleep. Again, I listened and said I would get some medicine etc. but she said she already had it. I called later that night and the next morning to check. By yesterday morning, S had stabilised and I said I would see them later when W brought them over. These conversations were pleasant, but I could sense that the struggle in her.
When she dropped them off, she sped away. I don't know if that was because she had a 'date' planned, or just wanted to miss the traffic. She came today to pick up D to go to a party. Not over friendly today and she complained about also feeling poorly.
Some days, she seems like she is trying to 'say something' by sticking around longer than she needs to or by being pleasant. That could be manipulation then at other times she seems downright cold and won't look at me.
My SD got me to join Facebook, so she could send me messages over the messenger app. Somehow, W could also get these messages and she wondered why I had joined. Obviously she didn't ask me, or make me a 'friend' (well, I haven't either as she's using her maiden name on there!). That has given me another avenue to contact my bud NDY (formerly of this village) and then, out of the blue, my best man got in contact. He's coming up in April for a few beers, so that should be good.
As for me, well, NDY and I are going to organise something to keep us occupied and things are much of a muchness.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
A question about guilt and manipulation. My W has started to post on my SD's Facebook page about karma and guilt. Bizarre, but stick with me here, some of these posts refer to 'when people do $hitty tings to you, and then make you feel guilty' kind of phrases.
Just wondering if this is normal behaviour for MLC'ers to make the guilt of their actions spin round to reflect on the sane spouse? Defence mechanism or just keeping up the pretence that everything that is wrong with them is somehow our fault?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I can say they do insane things I've seen it in my w,they don't know what they are doing half the time,I wouldent put any thing past them,something is not right in their heads some of the things they do is bizzar/ weird/strange/, Its all to do with hormones and chemicals in other heads,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
I can say they do insane things I've seen it in my w,they don't know what they are doing half the time,I wouldent put any thing past them,something is not right in their heads some of the things they do is bizzar/ weird/strange/, Its all to do with hormones and chemicals in other heads,
Also forgot to say yes they kinda put the label of what they are feeling or doing on you, Passing the buck kind of,my w does this too,even when they are blatantly doing some thing bad,they say what do you take me for I would never do any thing like that, Remember they are in denial and compulsive liners,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Hi Huddy, Glad to see you pop in. I thinks it's all part of the swirl going on in their head and perhaps some manipulation too.
I say that because I've experienced it myself with my stbx.
Very recently someone on this board made the comment about how they (the mlcers) transform themselves from the villain to the victim, just cycling the blame back. Very true statement that I've also experienced first hand. This is why we detach!
Hope you're well.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Hi Huddy, Glad to see you pop in. I thinks it's all part of the swirl going on in their head and perhaps some manipulation too.
I say that because I've experienced it myself with my stbx.
Very recently someone on this board made the comment about how they (the mlcers) transform themselves from the villain to the victim, just cycling the blame back. Very true statement that I've also experienced first hand. This is why we detach!
Hope you're well.
Yep well put that's exactly ,my wife made me out to be the villain to my kids still is doing I think,but since I exposed her with other man married,its not so good for her,her cover is blown,now no one ever sees her shops out of town,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Thanks for your input. I don't know, I just can't work out how on earth she could get the guilt back to me! My friend is coming up at the end of next month and will fill me in on what lies my SIL has been spinning. Needless to say, I'm the bad guy.
Today now has some added madness. My W has bought a new car! Yep, traded in the old one and now has a 4X4. Only two weeks ago she was pleading poverty and asking for her maintenance in cash. She also cam dressed for the gym (latest craze) which I've never heard her say before. When she left her first husband, she told me about going swimming to meet men and that she had a mini crisis when she was 31. Guess she's cycling the same pattern again.
Not bad for somebody who declared homelessness, lives in local authority temporary accommodation and is having more cosmetic surgery in two weeks time. So, this probably the cycle of trying to find happiness. I have my kids this weekend, so, time to concentrate on them.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
