Still no court date to make it official. I am getting rather frustrated with the L, but I'm trying to be patient considering the holidays and all that.
Living with my previous ex has been interesting, and I'll be happy to get the house on the market in March so we can go our separate ways. It isn't bad unless she's been drinking. I hate when she drinks, she's an arse and it makes me feel like I'm babysitting when I clearly have my own issues to deal with.
Also, I started dating someone. We are taking it extremely slowly as we're both pretty newly single. We've only been on 2 dates so far, but talk daily. We both have a lot of personal growth we want to accomplish so it is nice to have someone that can understand this place I'm at and respect boundaries to give the space needed for that growth to happen while still being able to enjoy one another's company from time to time. Very much "to be determined", but I'm cautiously optimistic for now.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Not to burst your bubble but aren't you only 2 months post BD? Do you really think you are ready for a new R, even if you're taking it slow? Add to the fact that she is newly single and I can't imagine either of you are in a good place to get into anything new at this point.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
You're not bursting anything. I welcome input or I wouldn't have posted it. Yes, only 2 months post BD. I've discussed with my IC and she feels given the boundaries we've set up it is okay to proceed, however, I do understand the concern.
We aren't exclusive, not making any plans beyond "wanna hang out today?", just having conversations about daily stuff and went to look at art together and have a beer. Very low key. I know neither of us are ready for a relationship, but I don't see why that has to mean we can't have companionship and be attracted to one another. I understand and agree that trying to be in a relationship would be a disaster. I think you can enjoy someone's company without starting a life with them though. Maybe I'm off the mark, but I thought there was a difference between dating casually and dating with intent to have a relationship at some point. Do I like her? Absolutely, but we're both keeping one another at arms length so to speak.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I would say just be careful. I know at least for me it would be very easy to get caught up in that feeling of having someone again. The only problem is that can just be s bandaid that will keep you from healing completely.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
I plan on being very careful. Yes, I agree, it would be easy to get caught up in it and no, I don't want a bandaid, I do genuinely want to heal. I believe our approach with both of us being very communicative about boundaries and desiring our own space will be helpful in remaining cautious. We're both introverted so we both enjoy alone time so we don't have either one pushing the other for more together time; that also helps. Plus, with my IC being aware, a couple of friends being aware, and me being honest with both the IC and friends about where I'm at emotionally with myself and with this new person I feel I have some good checks and balances in place so I can be called out on anything unhealthy that is going to impede my healing and growth.
We shall see.
I do appreciate the input, BillyHo, so thank you very much!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
We all move at a different pace. I’d second what billyho said and be cautious, and of course heal properly. Personally I couldn’t imagine casually dating at 2months, possibly not even at my current 9ish. the only thing I would add from my personal experience is, yes its nice to have that companionship, after all we were all married and woke up and went to bed with out spouses for x amount of years, butI think that’s what this board helps with. Not putting a “band aid” on our wounds and really get to be ok with the loss.
Just an observation from this side of the screen, looking back at your posts to the most recent one’s I’d say I believe you’ve done a 180. Are you 100% done with your M?
I agree with others. We are on just about the same timeline and part of me wants to talk to women but then I starting thinking would I be doing it for the right reasons? I don't want to put myself in the wrong situation or another path with the wrong woman.
Stay strong and good luck! I'm not hearing much from the courts either. I'm sure they are backed up from the holidays
Thank you for the input everyone. I really do want to fully heal so I may decide to stop seeing her. I won't see her again for at least the next 2 weeks so I will take that time to step back and really think about it all.
Cheesyt, to answer your question, yes, I am done. In talking with my IC and just in thinking about my M there were some clear signs that it wasn't a healthy one for either of us. My STBXW's behavior of putting her own feelings before mine were more of a pattern than an out of the blue thing just because of OW. My constant need for approval from her stressed her out and wasn't good for her either.
Put all that aside and I believe 100% that even if I were willing to work on our M still she wouldn't be. She'd say all the right things, but she wouldn't be willing to do any work on her end. It would be all about what I need to change to make it work for her. I don't want to be in that kind of R again. It was always about what she didn't like about me and I just want to feel free to be myself. We had a pretty rocky R in a few ways, there was always the threat of one of us walking away for one reason or another. This wasn't her first A and because of that I was always guarded, always on edge. I don't believe we could ever truly be right enough for one another. There was a lot of hurt that just stuck around for me and I just held it all in trying to make it work because I didn't want to fail again, but that's no way to live.
I want to do this right, the healing, for myself, so I will definitely take all the input into consideration and give myself some time over the next couple of weeks to really mull things over. I'm super great at over analyzing everything so it should be fun! Ha!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
