Oh, def. MLC.Issues to wazoo. Well she started waking up when she found her dreamy OM doing her boss. :)Then waking a little at a time, slipping back into the fog at times. Right now I'm just glad she's doing well with the kids and I am watching her re the kids like a hawk. Other than that she can go fly a bloody kite AFAIC...
This is JMHO, but as Kaizen suggests - why not? You seem to be tip toeing around her, not wanting to make waves and worried that you may seem cold.
I understand you hope to save your marriage, but I think a guy who goes - Wow, this isn't working for me and takes solid steps to move forward - is far more attractive.
That would mean (in your mind) dropping her like a stone and making plans for yourself with no reference to her and what she things. It would mean robustly protecting your own interests. Not in a jerk kind of way - but just doing what works for you.
Did you read Defacto's thread? He's a previous poster and I think he got to where you want to be. His D did go through - but he was good regardless (as am I...:-))
Xx
I have read Defacto's threads, and definitely hope to be where he was at some point.
W texted me today to tell me that she signed up for a 5k with her sisters and put me as the emergency contact and asked if that was ok. Then she asked if I had anything fun planned for the day. My response was I don't mind, and not quite sure yet what I'm doing today. That was that. I assume this was a bit better?
Also, I am really fighting the temptation to confront her about some new information that I have found out. I want to just confront her and tell her there are consequences for her actions and leave it at that, but I know it is suggested that I don't do this. I feel like it would be so gratifying at this point. But I suppose it doesn't get me closer to my goal.
I have been so accomodating up to this point. I didn't argue about anything she wanted from the house, I have paid for car taxes, insurance, cell phone bill for the 4 months we've been separated. I didn't make it a formal/legal separation at her request.
Maybe you should make it a formal/legal separation at this point? What do you want? What is best for you? What take you closer to your goal?
Can you explain why you say that I maybe should make it formal/legal? I don't disagree, I just am curious what your thought process is on it. My goal at this point is still to see if my marriage can be saved. If I push for the legal/formal separation, I am not sure if it puts me closer or takes me further away from this goal honestly. What is best for me though is an amicable formal/legal financial separation (this is really just an assumption honestly). So I suppose it is a Catch 22
You said you didn't make it formal at her request. That made it sound like you wanted something different. What do you want? What is your goal? What gets you closer to that goal?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
W texted me today ... My response was I don't mind, and not quite sure yet what I'm doing today. ... I assume this was a bit better?
That sounds fine to me. It's OK to be positive & warm; just be brief and non-clingy/inquisitive. For example:
WW: got anything fun planned today? You: Nothing definite ye. Beautiful day out. Have a great day.
Originally Posted By: Laowai
I want to just confront her and tell her there are consequences for her actions
I don't think they recommend you issue ultimatums or threats. For example, "if you do X, I'm going to do Y." It sounds to me like what you're wanting to do is a threat.
I think the prevailing advice is to just do what you have to do to protect your boundary. And you can let them know if you want.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
W Texted me a little while ago and asked if I had plans today, because if not she could come over to give one of our dogs a haircut. I responded Sorry, plans today. She said "anything fun?" Then a few minutes later "nevermind, you dont have to tell me". Then a few minutes later "its been a while since I've seen you and I've told you I don't hate you anymore. I also lost my best friend in all of this"
To me it says that she is feeling the loss of you and trying to friendzone you. If you are not careful you could be the shoulder to cry on with OM trouble. How twisted is that? I came bloody close to that point. I just said to myself [censored] it, I am either a husband or nothing at all, I will not be disrespected with unloading OM trouble on me. [censored] that!
A lot of this stuff we are discussing here is counter intuitive (goes against common sense), but if you come and think of it, this whole situation is without a shred of common sense.
