Well that all sounds good to me,so you must be making the right moves seems to me she could be starting to come round,but just be care full ,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
I'm not ready to say she is coming around yet but I am ok with the way things seem to be heading in the right direction. I'm sure she is still confused so I'm just going to continue to do what seems to be working. I'll keep my eyes open and my expectations very low.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
BillyHo. Not sure what's up with the PMs being turned off. It's probably managed by the admins.
Message from Virginia: The private message feature has never been activated for these forums. Contacting posters is not allowed and everyone here has agreed to this as a condition of being allowed to participate on the forum.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
I'll be honest, sure I've been angry and even a little resentful at times but that isn't really the case anymore. I know I have a part in this but I really do feel sorry for my W that she isn't able to stay and deal with whatever she is struggling with. She has never been one to share her feelings, unlike me, and I beleive years of stuffing things inside has brought her to this place she is at now. At some point she will have to address those issues with or without me. I am being very patient, loving and understanding. I will be that way for as long as I possibly can. I love her and she is the mother of my boys. I don't think if she decides in the end that there is no future for her with me that my love for her should change. I pray that one day we can at least "try" but if not I will have to be ok with that.
My W is also not one to share her feelings, but want to encourage you that my W has started in responses to my changes. Since starting DB, I also no longer initiate R talks. However, when my W initiates them, I try my hardest to make eye contact and listen as intently as possible. All of my attention is her. I validate and also make encouraging comments, such as thank you for opening up to me and I want to better understand what you are feeling. This is a 180 for me as I have been a lousy listener in the past. The result is that she is more open to me now than she has ever been. It hasn't cured our problems or saved our marriage yet, but it's a big improvement in our overall R.
Short version: if you want your W to open up, demonstrate that you are really listening and what she is saying is the most important thing in the universe in that moment.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
My W is also not one to share her feelings, but want to encourage you that my W has started in responses to my changes. Since starting DB, I also no longer initiate R talks. However, when my W initiates them, I try my hardest to make eye contact and listen as intently as possible. All of my attention is her. I validate and also make encouraging comments, such as thank you for opening up to me and I want to better understand what you are feeling. This is a 180 for me as I have been a lousy listener in the past. The result is that she is more open to me now than she has ever been. It hasn't cured our problems or saved our marriage yet, but it's a big improvement in our overall R.
Short version: if you want your W to open up, demonstrate that you are really listening and what she is saying is the most important thing in the universe in that moment.
I love this Gordie. I think I need to start a scrapbook of inspirational posts from this board and start reading them regularly...
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Thanks for sharing Gordie. We haven't really had many R talks lately but no matter what we talk about I am consciously trying to pay attention to everything she is saying. I don't think I have been a good listener in the past. Now that I am aware of it I think it is becoming much easier to do. I try to concentrate on making eye contact when we talk so she knows I am paying attention to what she is saying.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
Hello everyone. Hope everybody had a great weekend. I did some serious GAL this weekend. I took off on Friday and got to hang out with my boys before school. W actually came over in the morning for a couple of hours and hung out at my place. After that I left for a long drive for my destination for the weekend. On the way I listened to a audiobook on jealousy. The book was very eye opening and had some good techniques for dealing with those jealous feelings. One thing is to just acknowledge the feelings and don't give into them.
I went to a friends for the weekend that I haven't seen for a while. It was a very long drive and in a way very relaxing. While at my friends I was able to check off one of the items on my bucket list.
W had the boys and they went away for the weekend with her side of the family. She posted lots of fun pics on FB. I was glad to see the boys had a great time but I couldn't help but think "man I wish I was there with them."
I arrived home late last night. While at work this morning W tm me with a question then a little later called about a bill. While talking I asked her about their weekend. She went on for about 5 min telling me all about it. I didn't interrupt I just listened. I have been trying to slip a question in here and there about her when we talk just so she has a chance to share with me. I don't get too personal just general stuff about work or the boys. I feel like this is a good opportunity for me to listen and validate whenever I get the chance.
Today I have some free time so I am going to work on the letter my coach asked me to write apologizing for my shortcomings in the M. Hope to have a session to review it this week.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
Hey man. Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Jealousy is a plague in my emotions these days too. I know what you mean about the FB posts. At one point I even contemplated blocking my W on FB after she posted a slew of those life-affirming, "don't let negative people drag you down" images. I like how you're able to slip in a question here and there to show your W that you are interested in her life. I'd like to get to that point someday. I have my first phone coaching session in an hour. Hopefully I'll feel better afterward.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
