2017 - New year - same MLC but I'm moving along

[Irish M]

Post 1 - Wife goes deep into the tunnel

Post 2 - Wife still in the tunnel... more fog

Post 3 - no clue where wife is can't see past the fog

Post 4 - 2016 a new year.. Getting out of my own fog

Post 5 - Finding myself and leaving my wife to her MLC

Post 6 - A new day is approaching

Post 7 - Me and my 2 daughters [/quote]


Post 8 - XW showing signs or just MLC script

[Irish M]

HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2017
Wishing everyone strength to continue this journey in making ourselves the best versions of ourselves.
Thank you all for the Christmas wishes and get well thoughts for my D14. Who is doing fine and we are waiting next week to see the Neurologists


Woke up today with a strong feeling of peace. Last year I promised myself on New Year’s 2016 I would get out of my own fog. I really think I did. I am no longer a prisoner of my XW MLC.

Christmas morning the girls got a message from their mom. Hi Girls, I hope 2017 you will get over it and you can forgive me. Have a merry Christmas and happy New Year.

My oldest D16 says she can’t even apologize. She has no clue to what she has done. D16 got frustrated and block her mom from sending any further messages. She said to me, if my mom wants to see me, she will come here and ring the doorbell to talk to my face. I’m sick of the half A$$ed messages she sends with no real apologies. She set up a rule on the PC that any message containing XW name goes to spam and sends an automated reply. Stating – the address you are trying to reach is unable to receive any messages. Thank you
Of course my D14 joins in. She follows D16 very closely.

I will not send any updates to her about anything anymore. The only time she reached out to the girls was because of me updating. I’m done. She doesn’t deserve it and lost the right to being their mom.

Get well, fix yourself and rebuild your relationship with your girls. This is the message I send out to the universe for her.

We all had an amazing Christmas, quiet from XW and peaceful. It was a memorable new year’s night and with a week more of vacation; so planning a few days skiing, photography and warm fires watching movies.

[job]

I am happy to read that you and your family had an amazing Christmas.

I'm only sorry that your xw still doesn't get it and she's not even close to realizing that she owes everyone an apology, but most importantly she needs to be the one to rebuild that bridge between her and her daughters. It is so very sad to see what she's done. Your daughters are very strong young ladies and they aren't going to allow her to manipulate them into thinking that they need to be the ones reaching out to her.

2017 will be an interesting year for many. I do hope that the peace and quiet continue for you and your daughters...but I don't think your xw is going to let things be for any length of time. I pray that she steps way back and starts working on herself...but time will tell.

Happy New Year to you and your family!

[HaWho]

Irish - as a mother myself, I just cringe for your XW. It's remarkable to see the iciness all via the safety of texting.

But, I am in awe at the maturity of your girls. They are far more mature than their mother. Bizarre, but I see it all the time over here, too.

Wishing you and your ladies the best in 2017!

[bttrfly]

your girls are amazing mon ami ... and your xw is sadly clueless.

i'm glad you had a peaceful holiday. wow, another week of vacation?! I'm so jealous!!! i'm very proud of you for keeping that intention. you have definitely detached admirably. it's veery inspiring.

i wish you continued peace and good health for everyone xoxoxo happy new year!

[peacetoday]

Happy New Year Irish,

I think The MLC justifies they actions
In her message to the girls, she is still believing her own lies and justifications by putting the blame on them for "not Forgiving her"
I often saw my MLC XH lie about so much while we still had contact years back and wondered how do they do it- and live with themselves
I think it is part of their very strong denial system
unfortunaltely denial keeps one living in addiction
and no one can break the denial until they see it if ever

Good for your D for setting strong boundaries

Recently MY D saw a Facebook message from her Dad to another person expressing he is not doing well
But obviously he is still not ready to clean up if he is still struggling
I also let him go-He will figure it out if he is supposed to

MY kids although like other teens and young adults have their issues
but somehow they have both grown into mature and loving people
They hardly speak of their dad and they seem to understand the MLC-Addiction problem he has
so I am grateful that they have adjusted and yours are and will too
They see our strength and they see how we react and live..they let go of the parent who is now in the past

[Irish M]

Your daughters are very strong young ladies and they aren't going to allow her to manipulate them into thinking that they need to be the ones reaching out to her.

2017 will be an interesting year for many. I do hope that the peace and quiet continue for you and your daughters...but I don't think your xw is going to let things be for any length of time. I pray that she steps way back and starts working on herself...but time will tell.

Hi Job :-) Happy New Year.
Yes I am very thankful my girls are not playing into her game. XW needs to figure this out alone. I will not be the one to guide her. It must come from her heart.

I pray she does. It will be 2 of the most important time of the girls lives as teens that she missed. They have changed so much into strong independent woman. I couldn't be prouder of them.

If she does reach out it better be what the girls expect and not what XW dictates.

Irish - as a mother myself, I just cringe for your XW. It's remarkable to see the iciness all via the safety of texting.

Hi HaWho, happy new year to you as well.
Yes my XW does hide behind her texts and emails. Since Aug 2015 sh has not once showed her face at the house to see the girls. If it was me. I'd be camping outside on the front lawn. It is sad they can't face the reality of what they have done and do something about it. And i'm not talking about my relationship with XW, only the one between a mother and her children.

your girls are amazing mon ami ... and your xw is sadly clueless.

Bonne annee Bttrfly :-) I see you are practicing your francais. C'est bien.
Clueless is too nice.. she is completely LOST. This year she will find it harder since I am no longer feeding her any information about them. She can figure it out.

I think The MLC justifies they actions
In her message to the girls, she is still believing her own lies and justifications by putting the blame on them for "not Forgiving her"
I often saw my MLC XH lie about so much while we still had contact years back and wondered how do they do it- and live with themselves
I think it is part of their very strong denial system
unfortunately denial keeps one living in addiction
and no one can break the denial until they see it if ever

Hi Peace, Happy New Year.
yes XW does believe her lies. She did nothing wrong and the teen daughters have just escalated their anger against XW for leaving the family and me. Prayer is all we can do for her.

-----------------------------

I was watching tv last night and searching through some old TV shows I use to watch with XW. In our favorites was Shameless and Sons of Anarchy. It hit me. A major flash back to before BD.

XW was fascinated with the rough life. Drugs, bikers, tattoos, open sex, no responsibilities etc etc. I recall her so involved with these shows, she could go through 2 seasons in a weekend.

Her initial EA over the internet was with bikers, rough guys, guys with no goals in life and dead beats. She later told me she chose them because they lived in the states or mexico. She couldn't really sleep with them so it was harmless. lol. Until she met toothless OM who lived in the next city over.

It's weird to have that kind of flash back, and over a year and a half later. Maybe its my mind reminding me... you see its MLC. So I will Stop thinking this is who she is and has become. To remind me that Shes completely irrational, illogical and lost in lala land.

I guess I was starting to accept that she is like this and I'm better off.

Hope you are all having a great start to the New Year.

[bttrfly]

Bonne année Irish ... oui, practising français et Italiano aussi ... that insight is très intéressant ... it IS MLC, and as such, we need compassion. I hope she comes out of it. I really do.

I think you are wise, mon ami, to let her have to take the initiative to find out what's up with your girls without your help. Enabling isn't helpful, I've learned.

How's your last week of vacation going? Are the girls having fun? How is daughter 14 feeling?

xoxoxo {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[peacetoday]

Irish

interesting about your xw fascination with a man who is like a deadbeat
especially when she had so much-
Maybe there is something to that in MLC land
It seems many Mlcers affair down maybe they dont feel good enough
or maybe its something about the way they were raised -among people who were not very successful in some ways in life..I guess I can only speak for my XH and I dont want to offend anyone

this is just a thought..what do u think?
I know my xh was raised among lower class and he couldn't accept his/our success
He also picked a controlling younger woman with psych issues who doesn't seem career driven or successful and also accepts him as he is and whatever jobs he gets
He left a nice home, a business and family to live in the midwest and work in a retail store
married a women who is addicted to prescriptions and her family is also addicted
But He will stay with her..I think he has found his element with her
with me, we were too different and raised differently as well-
He played the role for a while ,but couldn't do it
in the end he gravitated back to where he came from

[BrightFuture]

Hi Irish, Happy New Year to you! I’m glad you had some peaceful times with your girls and your family on the holidays. I agree with piecetoday that your XW justifies her actions and still doesn’t recognize the damage she’s done.

Hey, some similarities here, hehe… Shameless show… H liked that a lot! So did I, but for different reasons… I do believe that he was associating with some of the characters… After all, he’s been friends with some people from the vacation home, who seemingly like these kinds of relationships… And the mention of your XW toothless OM just crack me up… Sorry, if my reaction is insensitive to you, Irish.

Peacetoday, I think you are into something here… My H went from a comfortable leaving and ability to take international vacations with me to having a very strict budget. But… he was free to socialize with deadbeats and hillbillies… He was also raised in a lower class, if you will, and I think that he could not accept his own success… well… I was also a bad wife at the same time, making him feel bad about himself, LOL…

Irish, I glad you and your girls are holding your ground and not letting XW to derail you. I’m wishing you all the best in the New Year, and your D to have her heath issues resolved once and forever!