cheesyt 5 - now what?

[cheesyt]

Doodler, no funny business today? I feel as though I’m strong, confident & I’m certainly self-sufficient. I think with time the LBS fog clears, just as the WW fog does. Or doesn’t. I guess I’m not sure. I’m assuming just as our WW spouses we all take a different amount of time to get through our LBS fog? Someday’s I feel as though I need to walk away and others obviously I’m holding on. It’s most definitely a roller coaster.

W texted me first thing this morning with a Hey, I replied and she told me she found some of my clothes asking if I want them. And that the cable company charged her CC for some unknown reason. I’m going to tell her to just throw them out and that I’ll try to get the cable thing sorted sometime this weekend.

For someone who is debating on giving our M a shot, she sure wants my stuff out of the house. that’s annoying and I don’t understand it. For a second I thought she might want to see me, but I can’t mind read and frankly I don’t want to see her or talk to her. It only hurts me and sets me back on my path.

I feel utterly disappointed, in myself for allowing myself to be hurt and put in this situation. For being able to see some clarity with the way she’s treating me and yet and still allowing myself to be here. I wish I had some courage to walk away. Also utterly disappointed in her. In her for not being the person she claimed, or I thought she was. A strong confident woman who always knew what she wanted.

I deserve so much better, we all do…so why am I still here?

[doodler]

Doodler, no funny business today?

cheesyt,

Of course not! It's the last day of the month.

[Vanilla]

Cheesyt

This is what I know, it is always the LBS that let's go for good.

Always.

The WS holds on to the thought of the LBS as backstop, until the LBS says no thank you and walks.

Until then stand. Stand until your knees ache and your head hurts. Spin on the spot if you must.

Whilst you do observe, please move to observe mode and detach from expectations of any outcome, good or bad.

Detaching means attaching to yourself to your goals and objectives. To your GAL.

Moving forward means standing in a different place, it does not mean moving on. Detached does not mean letting go of WW or of new R.

My sitch moved forward a great deal when I detached.

It truly did and I recommend observer mode.

V

[cheesyt]

Had some text exchanges with W
W asked again about MIL computer, I told her.
W asked if out of the two new jackets in D’s closet one was for this year… I told her to have her try them on and see which one fits this year. (this was a stupid question..I don’t know which one fits, I’m not there!)
Then W sent me a couple of pics of a few shirts and two picture albums from when I was a kid.
Me- just the pics. I don’t care for anything else. it’s trash.
W- ok. I’m coming to town today. I can drop them off.
Me – awesome can you please leave them on the table outside thanks
W- yep
A bit later I got a text from W
W-why don’t you just ask me to change the payment info instead of just canceling stuff? I don’t understand
(many many months ago I canceled her makeup subscription)
Me- you’re right I was angry and hurt. I understand how that’s frustration for you
W- ok well I’ll xfer it to my acct. I’m not going to keep thinking that stuff is randomly going to be canceled or shut off like my cable, internet, makeup. Thanks. The picture books will be at your house after 5. What about your bike?
Me- I will pick it up a different day thank you
W – ok. I need the cable $$$ figured out by the 6th. That is when my electric bill is due and that money is for that.
Me- I will give them a call
(The cable charge is for the boxes I haven’t returned, as she did not let me pick them up initially. They charged the CC on file (her’s) for the boxes. I have to call to let them know I’m returning them so they can release her funds.)

I’ve noticed W immediately starts to text. Like. This. Again. As soon as she’s not in control or feels “threatened” She got mad…but I can’t do anything about it. I’m annoyed. I hate how she’s dying to get me out yet, she told me she was confused and asked for more time. WTH. I know I have to be patient. And that the actions of a WW are all over the place…I want off this stupid roller coaster though.

I’m meeting my friend and her family for dinner. ( will not be there when W drops stuff off) And I feel like I’m in a bad mood. I’m just upset. Not exactly sure why either.

[bsb]

I think you did ok with your responses. Seems like a trend on her with W to get mad/upset when they lose control. I know my does. I understand completely bout wanting off the roller coaster. I think the WS will always regret their actions. Just may be too late by the time they do?

[Natus]

Hey cheesy encountered the same thing with mine. Anger and pissyness, it got to me too. Stay strong, stay the course and try to have a good time. We cant let every single contact throw us into a roller coaster.

[fightin]

Hey cheesyt, just checking in and catching up. I can imagine how irritating your W's behavior is, and I honestly admire you for staying so strong for this long. I'm so close to over it and it has been only a month so kudos to you, you're an inspiration to me!

I'm not sure if she wants your stuff out, or wants excuses to contact you since we can't mind read, but I would try not to let it crawl all over you and confuse you. Easier said than done I know.

Well I hope you have an amazing weekend and stay awesome, Cheesyt!

[cheesyt]

In some sort of funk today. Or idk what it is. Met with my friend and her family and a few friends for her birthday. Of course everyone is with their SO. It’s only the 5th time I see them without my W. It’s weird. Of course the conversation came up about her, just remembering last year’s shenanigans and someone mentioned how my W was there. It’s still hard, idk. Then, I saw on Facebook that one of my friends is pregnant, she too is in a same sex relationship, and of course I’m happy for her. I guess it just wish my R was good, so many good things happening all around me and I want my good things with my W. I already disliked the holidays, now idk how I’m going to get through them.

I’m also very tired. That’s likely what’s making me crabby and feel all weird and as always, I miss my w.

Fightin, thanks for the kind words. Glad I can be some sort of inspiration for you. I know This rollercoaster [censored] but yes, we can get off whenever we want. I guess I’m not ready, as much as I hate it. I thought W might want excuses to talk to me but I can’t allow those thoughts in my brain. Hang in there Fightin!

[hawker]

Did she leave your stuff outside of your house?

[NYGal]

Cheesy, my W used to make up all sorts of silly reasons to contact me. Things on par with "which jacket fits" when you're not even there! It's temp checking I think. But yeah, we can't mind read.

As always, listen to wise Vanilla. She knows.