You are doing great Molly...I can't imagine getting more than one BD but 3 in 4 years??? That is crazy!! Good job of ignoring and I agree the less I don't see or talk to my WS the stronger I feel! Hang in there!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
You're doing good Molly. Keep it up. You need to be working on you right now and it seems like you are doing a good job. In order to get your M back, you have to be willing to let it go. He needs to see that he has completely lost you. It's then, sitting in the $h!t pile that he made, that he will come to grips with what he has done. Let him sit there for as long as it takes. Taking out the trash and changing your tires does not make up for what he did. He has some serious work to do on his own issues. Getting into IC is a MUST for him as far as I'm concerned. DO NOT let him back to easily. Make him work for it. Your R will be better for it. If he keeps coming to the house to shower, I'd change the locks. You can't kick him out of the house but he left of his own accord. So I think you'd be justified in changing the locks.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
There are some issues that I am not sure how to overcome. I can't change the locks for reasons having to do with my special needs child. I want WS to no longer come into the house for visitation. He lives with his parents who have had little to do with our children. The kids do not like them or wish to spend any time with them. I originally told WS he needed to take DD to his parents for visitation but she cried so much that I relented. How do I be a good mom and make him stew in his own sh!t?
Did well today. NC with WS. Did some GAL stuff. I have a massage tomorrow and first appointment with new IC. I feel oddly detached from myself. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
You are taking for an hour or 2....he can take them to a movie. Dinner. Park. It's not your problem!
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Be very aware that you are going to continue to go through the roller coaster of emotions. There are days when I have so much perceived clarity that I want to run and file but then the next day I miss her like crazy. Don't do anything f rash
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
He has her for 10 hours on Saturdays while I work. The other times, he can most definitely take her somewhere outside of the house.
I feel like he gets to do all the fun dad stuff and I get to do the parenting. I really feel like there has been no consequences for his actions. Even now, losing his family doesn't seem to be much of a punishment because he is getting to do what he does best. Avoid confrontation or having to face what he has done.
It likely goes against what is recommended for me to do but I packed up a lot of his remaining clothes, etc this morning. I need him to know that I am moving forward. It's not a means to manipulate him. I just wanted the space in the dresser and closet for me and I am tired of looking at his stuff. Bad? Good?
He moved out. He needs his crap! And it prevents showering. As far as the times and where he goes when he has DD.....again, his prob not yours. You are letting him play part time dad and a place to hang. Nope!
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Bad? Good? Definitely good. For you emotionally and for him to understand you're not his doormat.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
It likely goes against what is recommended for me to do but I packed up a lot of his remaining clothes, etc this morning. I need him to know that I am moving forward. It's not a means to manipulate him. I just wanted the space in the dresser and closet for me and I am tired of looking at his stuff. Bad? Good?
Molly22,
You're a natural at DB! It took me a while to figure it out. Once I'd realized my WW was walking all over me I told her to get out. I bought her some boxes and tape and gave her seven days to pack her stuff and get out. I think that was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but it was the right thing to do. Good for you to take the initiative to do that.
