I read somewhere that if you're partcipating in an exciting activity with your date, your date may associate the rush of emotions/ adrenaline with you.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Bowling, putt-putt and airshows ... you sure he's really into those? I thought he was more of a thrill/excitement seeker. Something that involves engines and speed. How about driving a mini racecar? Take a helicopter ride. Hot air balloon? Rent a motorcycle? Rollercoaster?
Yep, he's been wanting to see an airshow since we married, we never had one locally before. I grew up seeing them (Navy brat) so they hold no fascination for me. My WH watches endless YouTube videos with fighter jets, helicopters, race cars, etc., One year for his birthday I got him a Groupon for driving a race car, he had such a good time he was shaking with excitement afterwards.
WH owns three motorcycles so renting one doesn't really make sense. He usually takes them out for rides now and then, he loves it. WH bought custom made bowling balls for each of us (even though we aren't very god at it, lol) and usually likes for us to go bowling every few weeks. Honestly I am not big on putt-putt but he always brings up wanting to go so sure, why not?
I think the only person who fears heights more than myself is WH. If we did a hot air balloon thing it would likely result in fainting on both our ends, haha!
Alas WH is still fairly sick; fever, chills, cold sweats, achey. We decided to stay home and let him recoup. In the meantime we enjoyed watching a tv series that showed house rehab. We will be looking at three more houses tomorrow in our area with a goal to buy this winter. This morning I was cooking breakfast and WH started cuddling me. He then backed off because previously I would get upset when he would do this. But I decided to 180, we put the baby in the playpen with lots of distracting toys, gave the kids ipads to keep them occupied, then we snuck into the spare room (has a lock on the door) and had a quickie. It's amazing how even a sick man will find the energy for ML, hahahahha! If I end up with this illness I think it will have been worth it, we're doing well. I am still working on me though, I have a long way to go to make myself the person I want to be.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Good to hear of the 180 that worked out well. Making plans for the future is good and rather reassuring.
How about yourself, Sara? How are you taking care of yourself? We women have a tendency to have too much on our plates before we burn out. Resentment starts to set in too when we don't leave any of us for ourselves.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Dory, So far I am doing fairly well. Since WH has come home permanently he has taken a fair chunk of child care, this has given me more time to just sit back and enjoy my space. I was going to start the gym last week but then the baby got sick and between the ER, doctor's visits and taking turns getting up with the baby it made things difficult. I have started to read more in the evenings and need to buy some more books.
Surfer, Read what I posted, I truly am doing things he has been asking to do for some time. He loves anything to do with planes, cars or boats. He also loves bowling and things like putt-putt. My types of activities are reading, movies, restaurants and I'm kind of a homebody. Sometimes I like to go camping but WH has never camped before (the idea is strange to a man who comes from a developing nation where homeless people are the only ones who sleep outside.)
I think you guys are going to have to trust me on this. The last thing I would want to do if left to my own devices is go to an airshow that I've already seen dozens of times.
Tonight we went out to eat at D5 favorite restaurant. Wh and she had a great time cracking open crab legs. The baby behaved wonderfully the entire time and we joked that there was some sort of spell in the air. Then a blip happened, we noticed our waitress was distracted and kind of sucking at serving us. It became apparent she was more interested in flirting with another waiter. My WH quipped, "What's the point of flirting with co-workers?" I lost my breath for a moment. He saw my face and asked me if I was okay. I tried to dismiss the moment but he pressed asking what happened. I brought up his comment and he looked embarrassed and said he felt the same way as soon as the words left his mouth. He then apologized three times and asked if there was anything he could do for me. He was making eye contact the whole time and leaning towards me, this was so...different than before. I told him the fact that he was asking me that very question was immensely healing for me. I then asked him if he was okay. I know he has his own healing to do. He told he wasn't okay (he looked ashamed while saying this) but he would be. I then said, "And maybe one day We'll be okay." He smiled at me and we continued our night with an ease between us.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Sara, I am so envious. Whatever good results you're getting now are because of your grit, resilience and your willingness to fight for what matters to you.
I wish I had your wisdom and grit. I gave up too easy and stayed too dim.
We all know that the pendulum can still swing. We all know that there may be false starts.
But recently, the interactions btw you and your H sound pretty good. He really does seem to be remorseful and he is also walking the talk.
Of course there will be times when your H slips, appears distant or irritates the hell out of you. But don't rise to the bait.
Watch and observe. Do what works, Sara. You've got this.
Btw, did you thank him for helping with the kids? Not all dads do.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
You are amazing! It sounds like everything is going well! Your changes whether you like them or not seem to be bringing him closer to you. Help him work through his feelings. Guys need that. I continue to pray for you and your family.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I am envious too. You are right you must know his events. Strange he seems vague at times with them. He obviously liked the lobster cracking though ha ha. .
I don't think my WW is involved with anyone at the moment. But she definitely is not making approaches to return home.
seems like you are slowly getting better at interacting and building new memories. Sounds great!
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Dory, One thing I have always been very vocal about, both to WH and others, is how fantastic of a father he is. From the day I had our first chld he was changing diapers, feeding her, bathing her and walking the floors when she was sick. At this very moment he is lying in bed with them so they go to sleep easily. This, this is why I am fighting tooth and nail for my M, because the greatest gift I can give my kids is raising them in a loving and functional marriage. We both have a LONG way to go before it's healthy but I see promise lately. My deepest wish for all my fellow DBers is that they also find joy and contentment both within themselves as well as someone who can reflect and reciprocate that love.
Jim, I've have been mindful to ask him how he is doing, particularly when he appears to be struggling. Most of the time he asks for space to muddle through ishis own, but I make sure he knows I will listen.
Surfer, Keep in mind that in the end my WH may decide to just walk away. He still says he feels numb and mostly nothing for me. He is not being rude or spewing when he says this, he sounds sad and perplexed while saying these things. So while we are having a lot of positive changes there still a VAST chasm to cross.
We looked at some more houses today and may have found the winner. It's well below my budget and we think we can haggle them down further so we can have the kitchen, bathrooms and back yard redone. It has a bright, open floor plan and plenty of room for the kids to grow up. Once we came home the kids were bathed and put to bed. While I was sorting the kitchen WH came to me and thanked me for a good day and apologized for some moodiness he was having in the evening. I smiled at him and told him it was okay, we should expect some ebbs and flows, but I appreciated his kindness.
I have been thinking...I am trying to come up with something that will get his heart racing. Something that captures that "in love" feeling, you guys know what I am talking about. When you have a nervous stomach, you feel a rush when near that special someone. I am very open to any ideas. What would be a universal "thing" for guys in this respect. I just want to juice him up and make him feel alive, even if for a moment. I want him to realize it's possible between us. I keep going back to the beginning of our relationship and combing over our actions and behaviors. But I also would like to hear from the menfolk, what do you remember being that hot button? (this is a fun talk, no worries about me obsessing over this stuff, I just want to experiment a bit and maybe have some fun )
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
It's amazing how even a sick man will find the energy for ML, hahahahha! If I end up with this illness I think it will have been worth it, we're doing well. I am still working on me though, I have a long way to go to make myself the person I want to be.
Making plans for the future is good and rather reassuring. 
)