Here we go again....

[TxHubby]

I read your last post and was about to give you a dire warning about being friend-zoned but sandi beat me to it. That's exactly what is happening and it will be fatal to your marriage. The gay friend analogy is perfect. This is why you should follow the rules. Going on your own will probably lead to the demise of your marriage.

[doodler]

I think it's great when a couple has tons of fun together, but there needs to be chemistry.....too, or they might as well be brother & sister.

Eeewwwww, that's gross! Matw, don't do the sister thing; you've already had children with that woman.

[matw]

Yep, you've been friend-zoned. That's why that stuff doesn't work with wayward wives. She might as well be your gay friend b/c she feels no sparks for you. The chemistry is not there for her.......and you can be her BFF till the cows come home, and she still won't feel attraction.

I think it's great when a couple has tons of fun together, but there needs to be chemistry.....too, or they might as well be brother & sister.

Have you finished your books yet?

Yeah I was thinking that I had been friend-zoned by reading this. I was pretty much thinking that already. I guess I am wondering is there any hope of getting out of the friend zone? Any advice you have I would appreciate. I have a feeling its more important than ever now to follow the 37 rules and start standing up for myself.

I did read a book on NG Syndrome which was very insightful and very helpful. I haven't finished the DB book yet but will make that a priority.

[matw]

I read your last post and was about to give you a dire warning about being friend-zoned but sandi beat me to it. That's exactly what is happening and it will be fatal to your marriage. The gay friend analogy is perfect. This is why you should follow the rules. Going on your own will probably lead to the demise of your marriage.

Yeah I think in my heart I knew thats where I was headed.. she had talked in one of our joint counseling sessions about passion and how she doesn't have it for me. I think I always knew we were headed down this route. When you say the rules are you talking about the 37?

[matw]

haha Doodler I am just glad I really don't have a sister or that would have been super creepy!

[matw]

So today I am extremely depressed and having a hard time... It hit me that I probably won't be married this time next year and I am pissed/hurt/sad/etc... All the normal emotions I suppose. I just really thought that we had an awesome story.. got married the first time.. that didn't work out so we divorce. We remained good friends and parents. We decide we want to get back together and get married again. Now I am having to go through another separation on the way to what I am assuming will be another divorce. I am losing hope everyday that we will ever get back together as husband and wife. Why in the hell did we get married again?? Why are we going to put our boys through this again?? Our D3 won't even remember us being a happy family..


Its eating me up that she is just seeing me as a friend/caretaker/etc...


I need to use this anger to stop being a nice guy and letting her walk all over me. Sorry I just needed to ramble a bit..

[doodler]

matw,

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now. One of the things that I found that helped me most during the hard times was to get up off the couch and get stuff done. Whether it was household chores, exercise, or something fun. Just moving around and getting things done made a huge difference.

Good luck to you; it does get better.

[matw]

Thanks Doodler.. Yeah I guess its really tough when I am at work. Seems like I just stew on it when I need to get up and moving.


The other thing is last night she pretty much admitted that she regrets having kids... She is a stay at home mom right now but has been talking she wants to get back in the workforce. She is going to start going back to school and start using her degree. I just don't know how I am supposed to compete with that... of course she wants "Space" because then at least part time she doesn't have to worry about being a parent.

[doodler]

The other thing is last night she pretty much admitted that she regrets having kids...

Ouch! That would hurt. I can understand why you're having a hard time right now.

[matw]

Whats funny about it... is she was the one who wanted our first son. I have always wanted a family so I said yes of course. Now our second son was an accident. They are only 13 months apart so she only got a few months before she was pregnant again. Then we get back together this last time and she tells me she wants another kid. So we have our daughter 3.5 years ago. She even asked me a couple of weeks ago how come I didn't talk her out of the our D3. Now don't get me wrong she for the most part is a great mother and loves our kids. She would do anything for them. Right now though it seems like she wonders what her life would be like without them (and me of course). She loses patients with them so easily now and appears so frustrated if they do anything like normal kids do.