And then I cried again reading you post, hahaha! We are definitely fighters. We do not lay down and die and we never will. I want you to know, your small circle of friends love and admire you very much. Quality always over quantity. I've learned that in all walks of my life. I would love to follow my heart right now, but even though my heart tells me to do one thing, my IC and I did decide my brain rules on this one. I can't move away to leave myself with the burden of getting my D back and forth to her father every other weekend. With a partner it is doable. Not alone. I would probably wouldn't be able to handle it. My heart is probably meant to be followed when I don't need to have so much logic in my life.
Grl, you deserve all the wonderful things in life too, which I know will come your way. I don't have the magnanimity I really wish I had. I have to put up walls and shut down emotions to get there and it is not easy.
OWW is trying to get closer to me, involved in D9's life, wants to discuss things like teachers and schoolwork and the like. Discuss trips with my D to her parents new place where they retired. This is not easy for me. Should I be happy she takes an interest? Sure. But I spend time with the two of them, watch them as a couple, watch them share my daughter, and while I do it, it isn't easy. I have to take myself to a place where I don't let any of it touch me. Because I know I've got to do it for my D. But it does sukk sometimes.
When I was in my early 20's I think I used to watch that sitcom "Reba" Her husband knocks up his mistress and they get married and the two families become one. Reba is truly the magnanimous one, even though to keep her sanity through it all, she has a biting sense of humour towards it. Anyways, the show was on some channel yesterday. funny watching it now knowing I have to kind of be like Reba. Watching it when I was young I never imagined I would be in that position! Thankfully they don't live next door to me:)
Thank you for your kind, loving words. I am so thankful for the people in my life. I am a lucky girl...to have people who care so much about me. I saw it in NC up close and I see it whenever I am with all of you.
I am glad you hashed things out with your therapist. Mine has been a Godsend. If it isnt possible for you to move now, that's ok. You have a long life ahead of you. .
I often think about what I write to people. I know that every word I write has to be true to who I am. It has to be what I believe in my soul.
I was thinking about where I am at in my life and it got me to thinking about something I wrote to someone. I wrote to them that our life is a long one. And how they feel right now, will not always be how they feel. It is a moment in a lifetime of moments. It helped me in my perspective. I realized that life is always changing. Maybe not as often or as fast as we may like sometimes, but, it is nonetheless.
I know that you and I, and most people, get impatient in wanting things to change. I think that causes us to look even more intently at it all.
I know for me, when I get like that, I have to start to break things down. It helps so much with perspective. My financial situation, my health stuff, my son's stuff..all of that can overwhelm me sometimes. But when I break it down, when I start to work on one thing at a time, it seems less daunting.
Maybe you can begin to formulate some long term plans. Things to work towards in the future. And then look at the short term stuff, and tackle that.
What could you do, to get some of the deep personal connection you want? I dont just mean in a significant other. I mean in all aspects of your life?
As far as OWW..while I cannot imagine how difficult that is, it is a good thing that she wants to be in your d's life in some ways. But I also know that this is the woman who had an affair with your h while you were pregnant.
On a personal level, because I love you, it still makes me crazy to think a woman could do that to another woman. Like taking a bat, crazy.
And to have to have contact with her at all, must be extremely difficult. But I am thinking that your d doesnt have much family, and while this wouldnt be your choice, it is someone else who cares about her.
Handle these things with OWW in the best way you can in a way that works for you. I know how much you love that little girl and it speaks volumes about you that you are willing to tolerate it for her. That makes a difference, G. She is always watching. It is amazing the grace and strength you are showing her.
One day, you will see how much it meant. And one day, your life is going to look the way you want and need it to. You just keep moving forward like you are. It will lead you there.
So, I found out from the coworker, not my agent, that I again did not get the house.
Ya know you could live near big brother – just sayin….
BTW, here is an idea….have Cadet write you “list of questions” that you can send out to the EHarmony people...you know....
"Welcome - please read and attest to the following" - LOL.
Oh…and don’t forget…. Big Brother and Big Sister (that would be URWorthy)….will need to interview potential new guy. We’ll both have baseball bats – just sayin…
You coming this weekend? Show?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
For an only child, I have the best big brother and sister. I mean, ones who yield baseball bats, they don't get anymore kickass than that. I swear, anyone who I consider dating seriously will be on deck for interview. You guys ay no, I say no!
UR, I thought about what you said, about how life is long and how I feel right now is not always how I will feel. Strange example, but last year, at this very moment, I was feeling GREAT. I mean, I was on top of the world. Didn't last a lifetime, haha, but the point is, just because I feel not my best now, maybe next year at this time I will.
My heart tells me the right place in my life IS near big brother. Logistics tell me otherwise. Maybe things will change in a year. Who knows? I'll be there this weekend, I can't wait, I am really looking forward to it. I actually love the drive this time of the year, it's beautiful.
Maybe even tomorrow or later on today. Live in the moment sis! Live in the moment.
Quote:
My heart tells me the right place in my life IS near big brother
Selfishly….I say follow your heart.
On a serious note, TRUST yourself, whatever you decide …..you will be okay. Actually…better than okay. You will thrive…once
Once…..
You really start TRUSTING YOU.
See you Saturday (we have wine from the Outterbanks – just sayin…).
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I need to start trusting myself, you are right. And even what I know I trust is the right thing to do doesn't always mean the right thing will make me happy. I've experienced that in so many different ways.
Since I couldn't be in the Outerbanks, drinking the wine will be like I was almost there!
I barely get any interest on EHarmony as opposed to any other sites. goes to prove most guys on the other sites are thinking "I'd hit that" as opposed to someone they see as long term. perhaps I should take that that pic of me in a bikini down JUST KIDDING! I think it's a good thing as those guys are hopefully being weeded out.
I am talking to one guy and we just moved to messaging. We shall see. He lives 10 min away which is good.
Who knows where this will go. It may just be a waste of my money. But hey it's an effort.
Going to the bar with my friend tomorrow night. Honestly, I don't want to hit the bar scene, but she does, so I'll gladly go for her. I realize how over that I am. Actually, I was never quite into it. I enjoy nice dinners, breweries and vineyards with friends, but not a bar where people are looking to pick others up. I really wanted to go drinking and painting...... it's very relaxing to me.
I barely get any interest on EHarmony as opposed to any other sites. goes to prove most guys on the other sites are thinking "I'd hit that" as opposed to someone they see as long term. perhaps I should take that that pic of me in a bikini down JUST KIDDING! I think it's a good thing as those guys are hopefully being weeded out.
Ginger,
I've found the difference between eHarmony and the other dating sites is like night and day. It's like Macy's versus Walmart. I also like eHarmony's guided communication process; it prevents me from asking women (and DonH) to go skinny dipping with me on the very first communication I have with them.
By the way, I've changed my eHarmony settings to include hot bikini clad women.
.