I am thinking about buying the last resort technique but I was curious if anyone has had any success with it and if you have the program, do you find that there is more helpful information than just reading the basics of this program online? Should I try this technique if my H is having an MCL and wants nothing to do with me? Any suggestions?
Yes people have had success with it.
And yes you should get DB/DR and read it. There is a chapter in it about MLC. I like to suggest you read DR as it is the more updated version of the two books.
I have combined your post into your thread as we like to ask people to stick to one thread until 100 posts.
I agree w/Cadet. DR is the most recent book and I have found it very useful.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
TLE - I'm sorry that you're here but glad that you are as well. I'm one of your "neighbours" and hang out on the MidLife Crisis forum.
Just like you, it seemed as if a switch suddenly flipped in my W one day when I confronted her about her affair. What I didn't realize at the time was that it had been building under the surface for quite a long time and the apparent sudden change was just the release of what was really going on underneath.
One thing that helps me a lot is from the reading I've done and from the evidence of my own eyes that I believe that what my spouse and probably yours is going through is probably so much harder than what we are ourselves. We have the sudden shock and loss of someone we thought we knew along with the associated confusion and yes, guilt. They have been in a stew of depression and confusion for some time and are probably even more lost and confused than us which is why sometimes they will act out and do things that make absolutely no sense to us.
What we both need to do is to be strong and be the "lighthouse" that is part of Cadet's reading. It's not going to be easy and there are no guarantees of success in rebuilding your marriage but there are never any guarantees in this life. Your H right now is lost in the fog not knowing what he wants or where he wants to go.
You will also want to take care with your finances and other things. People in crisis can act unpredictably. I'm not saying pull all the money away, just that you need to keep a careful eye on it. Just because he hasn't bought that new car yet doesn't mean that he doesn't have his eye on a boat Also just to reinforce something that is in the reading, even though he's reaching out to you, he's very confused and so do not always believe anything he says unless his actions also back him up. You don't have to tell him that you think he's lieing and he may actually believe what he says at that time but just accept that it may not be the complete truth.
One thing that has comforted me here is knowing that I'm not alone, that there are others on a similar journeys some closer to the start like yourself, some a long ways down the path and some have completed their journeys reuniting with their spouse, or completed it alone.
You are not alone, we know your pain because we feel it too. And yes, I still cry almost every day.
Feel free to visit around the other threads and get to know those of us who are also on this journey. There are a lot of inspirational stories out there along with some sad ones. My own thread is full of rambling nonsense so you might want to leave that one until you have a quiet evening and a glass of wine to help you along
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way ....
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Yes, DR is the more updated version of DB. Michele's Last Resort Technique Video is very new. Please email me and I will send you a links regarding how to purchase the book and video. In the meantime, focus on being the best version of yourself. Be the best TLE that only a fool would leave.
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Also just to reinforce something that is in the reading, even though he's reaching out to you, he's very confused and so do not always believe anything he says unless his actions also back him up. You don't have to tell him that you think he's lieing and he may actually believe what he says at that time but just accept that it may not be the complete truth.