So she now claims to have broken contact. Known avenues of communication have been addressed but it's mostly initiated by me. Went back to couples counseling but I'm looking into get another one as this one doesn't address my trust or healing concerns.
Ww says that she is doing this so that I won't be so angry. She insists that we will never have a romantic or sexual relationship again. One plus is that she is doing more stuff as a family.
I guess there is progress but it certainly isn't all rosy.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
She hasn't broken contact for you. If he gets in touch it will happen again. My W broke contact as I spoke to her and the OM seperaty and told them they stop. He contacted again as his grandfather had died. I spotted it, called him and told him to grow a pair and talk to his boyfriends about it not my fcuking wife.
TBH Jug none of it made any difference. The only thing that did happen was I understood, as did family, what she was up to. Which I can't say helps - but at least those that know and don't fall for the BS re-written history know what is really happening. Again not sure how much use this is ultimately.
Our Ws didn't start their journey to make you angry. They don't stop it to stop you being angry. They do it because them or the OM exit stage left because they don't want it anymore or because they are concious that they are being seen for what they are 'wayward' and they my friend is very hard to justify.
Keep going. Zero expectations, don't trust what she says or does. Distance and don't pursue. Look after you and the S4 matey.
Keep it up. You are being a legend to your boy. It's her circus let her crack on. Don't let her shift your emotions! Don't let her entice you onto her rollercoaster.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Thanks for the support and sharing your experience. I can't imagine(actually I can and have) confronting the OM! I was way detached and now I'm actually less so because of the claim of breaking contact. Will keep down this road but my big thing is knowing the right things to do now.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Keep going. Zero expectations, don't trust what she says or does. Distance and don't pursue. Look after you and the S4 matey.
Penultimate paragraph is what to do. Also GAL of course. Time is a gift. Enjoy it, plan, do great things with your S4.
Turn yourself into amazing you! All boys want to be a superhero, if you can't be even super you it's a bit sh!t. Come on mate. It's simple. Just be you, that legend that your family and mates love. Remember him? That guy that would just tell someone like your W to jog on. Find him again. Stop thinking, start doing.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Thanks again surfer! I've been doing well with self improvement and it's all for me and always has been. In fact, some of those activities have been points of contention in our marriage.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
I'm looking at getting a new couples counselor as I feel that our current one keeps trying to address our marriage and not the affair and my trust, healing, and forgiveness. Ww claims she wants to help with this but says that we don't have a chance as a romantic couple. Any tips for finding a new one and specific things to focus on other than what I mentioned?
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
When checking them out, see if they specialize in healing after an affair. Maybe do a google search for your area? Don't be afraid to call and ask, and don't accept general answers like, "S/he counsels in all areas".
I get a sense that you are wanting your WW to attend so that she becomes aware of the intense pain she's caused......and hoping the C will tell her what she needs to do. If that happens.....great, but frankly, I don't think she's really in that place yet. I think she's telling you just enough to keep you off her back.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks so much sandi! Any other suggestions for things to do at my current stage(just broke contact but says she KNOWS we won't have a romantic or sexual relationship)?
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
She claims to want to work things out but doesn't always wear her rings. Before this, she never took them off. Is it pursuing to tell her that wearing the rings now shows commitment to trying?
In my opinion, asking her to wear her rings is pursuit behavior. A 180 would be to ask her not to wear her rings until she's truly ready to commit to the marriage. (I'm not saying you should do that, I'm just sayin'...)
