Thanks Mowgli, The initial shock of her coming to visit was frightening to me. After having it go through my head for a few days I realized I will do as I please. I will be me, I'm not going to walk on egg shells or act differently. Why should I.
Although sometimes I feel lonely I have been pretty happy with my life since I made the changes I wanted to make and look forward to making more as need be.
So whatever comes comes. Her reactions aren't my concern anymore, me and my boys are. This isn't an opportunity for me to show off. It's just another day and if she sees what she left behind she can deal with however that feels.
I don't want to be a friend or weekend fling. And this is probably what she said it is. A visit with the boys. It my mind reading that searches for it to be more.
Thanks everyone for listening to my rants haha. It is a small dynamic shift. I saw it and ran for it. Not to her. Just in my head.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
You are in the right place and mindset to handle thins now, Tyler. Last Spring, I wouldn't have been able today that. If what you just posted in truly how you will handle this weekend, then you are truly ready. Detach, be the best person you can be for YOU and your BOYS!!
No one else matters in this, especially not the person who threw you away like a trash bag and then continually tried to egg you into arguments by binging OM around, borrowed money from you never to be seen again, and generally treated you as a lesser-than.
I'm not saying it will be easy for me to just do whatever. I realize there may be times I catch myself trying to pursue and from that point I will choose what to do. Sometimes I may catch her pursuing. It is what it is. There is no control except for what I choose to do or not to do.
It will definitely be interesting and at points awkward. I know how I would like things to go. Which is me just being me, sticking to that may be harder or easier said than done.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Funny thing happened today, W mother texted me saying I hear the boys will have a visitor this weekend. We chatted about it and she is concerned about the impact it will have on the boys. As am I. If it's confusing for me as an adult. I can't imagine how a 4 and 1 year old will comprehend this. Also MIL pretty much said I shouldn't let her stay at the house.
Nothing was ever said about her staying at my house, I just assumed and never said anything. She may have other arrangements. I just found it funny her own mother said I shouldn't even offer
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
So the weekend with text came in when she showed up Saturday afternoon and the boys and I were outside playing and to say it wasn't an awkward weekend would be and understatement.
Saturday was pretty much her watching me play with the boys like I usually do at the park and went on a bike ride had supper together
After the boys went to bed I had a fire in the fireplace going and she asked if I would like to watch a movie with her so we sat and watched a movie and she fell asleep. I cleaned up the snacks and etc. walker instead I'm going to have a shower and going to bed have a good sleep
She texted me said… Weir she texted me sayung I know this is weird but thank you for letting me come up I replied it's very weird the boys are happy to see you though
The next morning I woke her so she could see the boys because she's not just sleeping if she's coming up to see the boys. When she woke up she was upset crying because of the weird feeling and she said being here brings back a lot of memories and feelings
Later that afternoon out of sight of the boys we shared a kiss which was followed by a lot of kissing and if the boys went around probably more
And to say it didn't get me confused would be lying she also expressed her confusion telling me after she left that day that she thought everything between us was And to say it didn't get me confused would be lying she also expressed her confusion telling me after she left that day that she thought everything between us was gone and being back made her realize otherwise
So the boys seem ok she was here. And didn't mention her again after she left. I am a bit confused however I see it realistically. That it could mean nothing, being here may have brought up some buried feelings that could fade again. I believe she is more confused about it than I am.
So my plan moving forward is to be light and breezy, non pursuing and pleasant to talk to. She was able to see what she left behind by being here. And it may have got her mind spinning instead f mine for once
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I don't regret it. I wouldn't say I'm toast tho. I don't expect it to change anything, and if nothing changes and we proceed with a D so be it. I have been happy yet found myself lonely at times. In the end I have survived it. Without her.
I understand your apprehension and concern about what happened Sandi. I don't see this as a R attempt in any way. Life will continue as usual, I'm see myself as the prize.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Ok. So first I have to apologize to you Sandi for being dismissive of your post. It's like I was riding a high and feeling good. Not that I don't still feel good about myself.
I have had sometime to think through it all and tho I still don't see myself as toast, there is definitely a feeling of pursuit and neediness I have. Which I have contained and not let out. As I have worked very hard and had great advice so far so I don't want to waste it all by being available and right where she left me.
So that said I need some 2X4 action from you guys and you Sandi to shake me back to earth. For whatever reason I still want W even though in my head i remeber the pain and hurt I went through while she seemingly had the time of her life.
Also I want to know how to interact with her. Do I continue to detach? Or be somewhat available? I am not interested in being buddies. And only a friend. I don't want to seem cold and distant either tho.
I was a bit upset by your comment Sandi as it made me feel like a failure, like I had wasted all I have done. I very much respect your perspective and advice so it was a slap and I got defensive. Now after some time I see what you mean tho. That Sunday was potentially a step back and if I don't catch it I could spiral back to the beginning.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
You're not detached enough. Even having her over, in my opinion, was out of line. Why? It puts YOU into the uncomfortable situation. Who cares about WW does? She put herself into this mess, and she needs to grow up and be a big girl, own the problems, and go to work on fixing them.
She just figured out she still has you on a string.
She is now free to move onto another OM, multiple OM, knowing you're the national guard, always in reserve, ready to deploy when princess loses a slipper.
Man, it's tough. If my EX-WW came onto me, it's 50/50 I might give in - but if I did, it's my own weakness. I'm not healed enough to realize I'm helping contribute to the waywardness.
Be a jewel that she must strive and work hard for. Tell her it was a mistake, apologize, and move on. Tell her you're moving on. And then DO IT.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
