I agree. I don't think he's fully accepted responsibility for his part in this. Giving up control is something he seems to have a hard time with. I don't mind if he keeps it in his own thread, but when he starts telling others this and then criticizing other posters as feminists or "mang*nas", then that's just crossing the line of not respecting others.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cld - on the heels of Job's theory, what I find interesting is that you did mention, somewhere in one thread, that your XW told your children that she would return to you when you were "nice again." This comment stuck out to me as it is definitely not in the MLC script. MLCers always say they are "done." This indicates she may have burned out.
Again, you would still be employing the same strategy except I think you would especially need to look at things from the vantage point of the WAW.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
There is a saying "it takes two to tango". It also takes two to break a marriage.
So far you have only blamed your wife for the breakdown of your marriage. From your extensive reading and analyzing of statistics on dodgy websites, you have determined that your wife must be mentally ill and going through a MLC, and her hormones have made her crazy. Whilst these may possibly be contributing factors in her decision to leave you, you have missed another more likely possibility out .... it is clear by your postings and reactions to others posts, that you are controlling, arrogant and stubborn, these traits will have most likely have pushed your w to the edge of sanity. So perhaps what your looking at is not a MLC but a Cld Crisis?
Um ... here is a bit more reading for you .... you played a role in her leaving and her actions to remove the kids from you and until you accept that and change the traits you have that contributed to your xw unhappiness, then there is no future and will never be a future for you and your xw together.
My h and I would have never got to the point we are at if BOTH of us did not acknowledge that part we played in breaking our m. We would have not got to this point had WE not changed the things about ourselves that were causing us to hurt each other. You have seen that a reconciliation can happen, but you are not acknowledging that working on yourself HAS to take place before that can be a possibility.
To re- cap: To have any chance of your xw being interested in you again, you need to look at yourself, the ugly truth of how you treated your xw during your m, how you treat those around you - we are strangers to you, and you treat us with disrespect and arrogance - I would start there.
Have you not heard of the magical properties of positive thinking and hurling physic good feeling energies at people? No one needs to change when magic is in the air.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I want to clarify something that I posted to you so that you have a better understanding of what I said and then you can go back to the other forum and provide a proper explanation of your recent statement there. If you are going to post something that I stated to you, please get the facts straight, i.e., time period correct...I didn't say 12-18 months.
I said: "Your wife's MLC started before the bomb drop. It actually started 18-24 months before the bomb. When the bomb hits, it's already picking up speed."
This is what happens in most cases. Between 18-24 months, something clicks w/the person in crisis. Something happens that sets the crisis in motion. Generally it is a death, birth, new job, loss of job, health issue, etc. The 18-24 months is a lead up to the bomb drop. During this time period, the person begins to think about themselves more, they feel depressed, sad and take a look around and may think that they've not accomplished as much as they had hoped for or they feel that they've worked and we only look at them as a paycheck. They become dissatisfied and feel unappreciated and one day, they suddenly drop the bomb of not being happy for "x" number of years, we didn't appreciate them, they see us as controlling, etc., the list goes on and on. Once the bomb hits, the crisis has already been in motion for quite some time and is going full speed ahead.
After reading your recent postings, I am still of the opinion that she's not in MLC, but possibly a WAW. Again, you will use the same DB info for a WAW as you would a MLCer.
Now, I'm going to give you space and leave you alone.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
