Cheesy, why did you say you aren't invited to the grad activities? I thought you were and that you're going? I hope you go.
Regarding the key, yup, sounds pretty suspicious to me. I can see W wanting her privacy, but if you are a part-time caretaker to D, it seems like you would need a key. But if not, give MIL the key and don't expect to get it back. And don't make a big deal out of it. It feels rotten but don't let them know that. And it seems so stupid for them to make up this story about needing the key. They sound like shady characters to me.
Remember, anything you say to MIL goes straight back to W. She is NOT on your side, she's always going to be on her daughter's side, no matter what she says. Remember that and act accordingly. She's a messenger, so control the message.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Oh Cheesy... I can understand why you are feeling the way you are. I feel like it's a pretty safe assumption that we have all been there.
you will make it through this regardless of what you think currently. I sometimes do still ask myself how did this happen, how did I end up in this place and have to remind myself that how I got here isn't really important the fact is I'm here and it is what it is.
IC really helped me through those dark times. Also coming here. Sometimes posting and sometimes not. I find I don't post as much now that I'm in a better place but I still come poke around periodically and check on everyone else. Focusing on my health/fitness has helped me because it is something that I can absolutely control it.
Routine is a good start! In the beginning it was pretty much all I could do to even start a routine. Getting up, going to work, coming home, making dinner, starting it all over the next morning.
I know this isn't where you want to be, I don't think any of us want to be here. And I for sure do still have bad days but more and more frequently I find that things are going good for me and I have a lot to be grateful for.
You can do this.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
LT0402 as always, thank you for your words of encouragement. It's comforting to know more of us are on this roller coaster. We do get sucked back in, how do we stop?
Coly, thanks. It's funny I thought "i'm not throwing a pitty party" but I guess i see how it could seem that way. glad you're doing better!
Hawker, I saw you read Blu's thread and love what you posted on your thread. now if only i can engrave that in my mind all day everyday.
NYGal, I am invited to grad, I am going. Grad party got canceled. But family will be in town. MIL and D talked about activities. No invite. I know D inst going to school Friday because of family / Grad.
journaling- picked D up. went to the store to get crazy 8s, go fish, and a congrats card for W. D was excited and misunderstood me last time we talked about grad. D said "did you hear you get to come to the grad" I asked what she meant and she said "mommy told me she invited you so you can come" I explained that W had invited me but when I said I didn't know, I meant I wasn't sure I wanted to go because it was my decision too. Took her to dinner, did some homework, played cards, had dinner and desert. Talked, laughed, my fam kept texting me and I got annoyed, D read me like a book. D immediately said "you don't look happy what's wrong" and I shook it off and turned off my phone. D told me Sunday they went dress shopping for W's grad instead of game night. D mentioned she wished we could spend more time as a family. We had a really good time. D asked if i was coming inside, I said no she wanted to know why, I told her I was meeting a friend. Dropped her off at 730. saw W peaking out the window as I drove away.
Went over to a friends for tea. Lets call her FK. Talked, hadn't seen her in a bout a week. Nothing exciting other than it came up in conversation that I'm still not "me". I asked FK to elaborate and give examples. FK said I was scatterbrained and "not there", I forget things and I'm not "sharp" which she justified as I'm depressed so she didn't want to bring it up before.
run early in the am with a co worker. Work. then shopping for clothes for grad. study. sleep.
Hey Cheesy, I would never insinuate that you or anyone else on here is having a pity party. We are all here because we are trying to save our marriages so we all carry some pain, confusion and hope and this sometimes comes over in our posts. But hey, this is a journey, our own personal journey and as physically, mentally we also move at a different pace to one another. I am quite slow at accepting things but I know I will eventually get there but I have to go through the stages and if that means I feel sorry for myself for a while then so be it.
By the way I am not speaking to that friend because I am so upset that she used it against me.
You are doing great and I'm glad you have made a decision with regards to the grad party!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Cheesy, good job dropping D off and not going in. I hope W didn't see you peeking while she was peeking!
I'll bet once this graduation is over, things will shift. I hope for the better. Now it's very important to DB the heck out of this. Fingers are crossed that tomorrow will go smoothly.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
W texted "did you send flowers" my heart dropped and felt like it was breaking all over again. Someone sent her flowers with no name.
I sent W her first flowers over 6 years ago. We worked together, she was my boss. Flowers came, no name. It made her happy, I ended up telling her about 2 weeks later. W loves flowers. Makes me feel sad. Hope it was her mom or a family member but I'd assume her mom or a family member would write their name on it.
NYGal, W didn't see me peaking, my car windows are very tinted. I thought the same about things shifting after grad. Hopefully for the better. These flowers make me worry if they're from a crush.
-jorunaling. Felt some sort of way today. I texted W because she'd been sending me emails regarding some of my bills. me- thank you for the bill updates I really appreciate it W- np. i paid blah blah to this and that on your cc so you can get your points. me- thank you! w- insurance went down some. its blah each, I used to pay blah and you paid this much but I just split the new amount down the middle. me- that's great
Went home early from work. Couldn't focus, didn't feel good. Ended up going on a hike with a friend. Then dress and shoe shopping for grad. W ended up texting me while shopping. w- can you please do me a favor? The vacuum stopped working it wont pick up I've cleaned it and everything but I'm still having issues. can you please look up the receipt and let me know when we bought it so i can contact dyson and see what my options are? me- do you happen to know the log in to best buy? (that's where we bought it / I was hoping she'd take a hint and do it since I know I'm not supposed to help. Not good DB) W sent over a screen shot of her notes with it. me- great can I get back to you in a bit? I'm out and about. W-yes. then the flower text.
came home crying talked to my roommate. Roommate said W obviously has no one else special if she's asking me about it / has no idea who they're from. Makes sense but still doesn't feel good.
I sure hope tomorrow goes well and that I am the best cheesyt W and family has ever been around. I feel like I have so much riding on this. W needs to see that confident person she fell in love with. Strong, confident, kind, and caring.
What a day. Pretty sure it was terrible DB from the get go. Went to grad. Sat behind the husband of ws bff. I introduced myself and he said "oh you're cheesyt I've heard amor about you" and I did "oh no" and he laughed and said "oh no just good things" - not making anything of it. Got emotional at one point. w made a speech (all classmates picked one person, she was it) she thanked our D, her family, talked about what a difficult two years it was. After grad we took some pictures. Then to eat. I asked w if it was ok I came. She said yes. We had lunch. Decent convo. As always we just got eachother. Had a moment (I think) I wrote her a card that I gave her between grad and driving to lunch. While we paid our checks she said "thank you for the card" Me- oh you read it already W - yes. - she gave me this half smile half frown Tugged at my heart strings.
After that they were all headed to MILs house I asked w if it was ok I joined. She said if I wanted to. I joined and we all kind of just layer around. Ws BFF is having a party at her house. Everyone but me was invited. That sucked. I got a chance to talk to w before she left. I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her. Not sure how it started but we had a R and M talk... W said I wasn't invited because I make her feel weird and awkward .(I know an issue was Im not super social. I'm working on that with gal and stuff.) That one day I want to come in and say hi and others I just leave without a word. W said the more I act like I don't want to be around the more I push her away and the less she cares. (I did think she was mirroring my behavior a couple of weeks ago) W also said if I don't make an effort to be in her life she won't either. I told her I care but that I want our m,I said I understand our old marriage is dead and we could possibly have a new one. W said she's not ready for that yet. I said I understand and I cannot wait forever and I need to move on. W said she understands. w says she wants better communication though. W told me she was upset I went to visit my family, that they are still her family and that what if she wanted to send something for our niece or my little brother. She said in a very loud assertive tone "she's my niece too and I love them!" I said well you left them and she said no I didn't You just won't talk to me have to text your sister to know anything about them because you won't tell me. So basically wife wants to be some type of friends. I re iterated we are not friends and we will not be friends unless we R. I concluded with lets not get ahead of ourselves and say we are friends because I'm only interested in being M but I am Ds parent so is W and I do see how while we figure stuff out we can have better communication. I told her I wanted her to bring me around her friends (I know terrible DB but in my defense, the way I got her to fall in love the first time was Cus I followed and invited myself with her and her friends and was sociable and nice and kind and not pushy...idk that this will happen again but idk) w said ok we can start there but don't think we are working toward R. I said nope I know where you stand and you know where I stand.
Well as I was typing this W called. She said she wanted me to know she's dating someone and that she wanted me to hear it from her. I said I know you've been dating around its not news. And she said I know But this is the first time I'm telling you I was just sitting here thinking about it and thinking and I need to be clear there is no chance of R so I hope you have no hopes. I said "I have no hopes for R now" and W said I also don't see us hanging out socially because my friends know I'm dating and they'd met you before. Wow. W said she doesn't want any of our interactions forced. That if I want to call her to call her and if she wants to talk to me she will.
Makes me think this is serious now. Since she finally admitted to dating someone. I was just feeling good. Pretty sure it's OW from school.
What a day. Never a dull moment with W. Not sure which direction to take. Continue down my pushing her away and her mirroring this action or what the heck?
Cheesyt, I wouldn't put a lot into what your W told you about her dating this OW. Seems like it may be a temp check on her part to see how you respond.
Regardless, it's not something you can control. You can, however, control you and your reactions. I'd keep up your GAL stuff and have an awesome weekend to take your mind off this stuff. I'd bet that your W is trying to get a rise out of you with her recent comments and talks about OW. Don't give it to her.
I'm proud of you for going through the graduation stuff. I know that was a huge deal for you and I'm happy you went! You earned part of that as well and you deserved to be there.
I think the path you pursue now is the one that makes cheesyt happy. Lose the focus on your Ws responses (yeah, I'm one to talk, right?! ). Focus on yourself and get in your exercise. It seems like the exercise is massively beneficial to both of us. Here to support you cheesyt. Keep your head up and keep grinding forward!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
talked to my roommate. Roommate said W obviously has no one else special if she's asking me about it / has no idea who they're from. Makes sense but still doesn't feel good. 
). Focus on yourself and get in your exercise. It seems like the exercise is massively beneficial to both of us. Here to support you cheesyt. Keep your head up and keep grinding forward!