Perhaps if you shared the text conversations with us, we'd get a better idea of the state and tone of your interactions, and we'd be better able to support you.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Jack, He certainly isn't practicing DB. The first chance he got, he's already having argument w/his xw about what transpired in the last eight months. Of course, the xw is gong to say sorry a few times because he's most likely brow beating her down into guilt over her actions. This is not DBing.
I guess what he posted earlier on this thread has now gone out the window, i.e., "I keep sending her positive energy every night when I meditate and I turned on ACCEPTANCE, I will accept whatever she decides to do and live with that and GRATITUDE, I am thankful to her for causing me pain that way allowing me to improve myself and become a better person."
He certainly isn't showing gratitude if he's already coming out swinging at his xw about her actions. Now is not the time to brow beat the spouse because of what they've done. If you have any hope of trying to mend fences you have to take things slowly and there will come a time to sit down and discuss things in a calm manner. Arguing the first chance you get will set the process back and she may even keep her distance versus coming closer.
I'm still trying to figure out why Cld is here if he's got all of the answers and isn't willing to listen to anyone on this Forum. There certainly aren't any magic bullets, unicorns or faeries that are going to fix his situation w/a snap of the fingers. But, like all of us, he will have to learn the lessons in his own time and yes, make a few mistakes along the way.
Last edited by job; 09/15/1609:40 AM. Reason: corrected misspelled word
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This isn't Kansas! LOL! Even Dorothy had some work to do to get those ruby slippers and click them together before returning home.
Drew,
You are too funny.
I really would like to know what happen to all of that positive energy Cld was suppose to be sending to is xw every day when the arguments started? To me, arguments generate negative energy and do not provide the crisis people w/a safe place to land. But, hey, that's only my opinion on his recent interactions w/his xw.
I really would like to know what happen to all of that positive energy Cld was suppose to be sending to is xw every day when the arguments started? To me, arguments generate negative energy and do not provide the crisis people w/a safe place to land. But, hey, that's only my opinion on his recent interactions w/his xw.
Exactly why I asked him to post them.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Maybe, one of these days, he will read the definition of insanity and come to understand what doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result will lead too.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
I'm just curious to know what he finds what we've been saying so offensive. I mean, no one told him to give up or anything. In fact I'm pretty sure we told him the only thing he had to do was to change his attitude a bit to make things better for his wife. Oh and that MLC is not a "mental illness" but a life transition.
Then he resorts to name calling.
Believe it or not, I hope he does save his M. I just wish for his W's sake she comes back to a better M than when she left.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am right there w/you. I agree, MLC is not mental illness. It is definitely a life transition that blew up because his xw didn't complete her quarterly transitions properly and eventually couldn't cope w/everything that hit all at once, i.e. childhood issues, stressors in her life, etc. It was a combination of events and they had to bubble up and spew forth.
Mr. Bond, we all hope that they can get back on track at some point. Unfortunately the marriage ended up in divorce, but that will give them an opportunity to start fresh. However, if she returns a far better, more settled woman and Cld hasn't made the necessary changes within himself, the relationship will be doomed once again.
BTW, I still don't think his xw is in MLC, but a WAW who got tired her life as she knew it. Cld has not described much of anything that she's done differently, except she walked out, took the kids, filed a restraining order on him, filed for divorce and accused him of being controlling and abusive and had to have supervised visits w/his kids. That fits a WAW as well. Of course, we would use the DB in the same manner as you would a MLCer. However, this is my personal opinion of his situation based on his postings.
