Albac - 7 months in. Life goes on.

[mulesqb]

Maybe that's a boundary that you have to lay down for her. Tell her you will work with her on essential parenting issues, such as health, education, financial support, etc., but all three of you are not going to spend time together.

At least that would be my boundary. Yes, I can attend the same school plays and picnics. But we are not going to go out to dinner, go on vacations, hang out at parks.

Pefect!

[ForGump]

albac-- how you holding up? How have your thoughts and feelings evolved in the last week. Drop us a line.

[albac]

Thanks for dropping by Gump,

I don't even know how to answer your question.

I guess I am doing ok, I am for the first time in a long time at peace and it feels good.

This past week I have finally tuned in to a lot of things. Life and what I want out of it. I have finally after a long fight dropped the rope and fully detached from my W.
I feel like a new man with so many possibilities and exciting prospects ahead.

Now my W is in a "relationship" with OM it was the last straw that released me from he prison I have been in.

Just to clarify I have not given up on her just conceded I have no control and let her go. I'm not burning bridges or spewing hate. I am being the best man I can for me and my D2 and no matter what happens I will hold my head high.

I have started talking to other women, I am not ready for a relationship and I have been open about that. I needed to get out I needed to restart my life and it feels good to know there are people that care about me and want my time. It has helped a lot!

After these past 8 month my W had taken away every bit of confidence and sapped the life from me. Finally I am fighting my way back to he person I want and should be.

The evidence was there all along I just chose to ignore the signs. My W has no love for me and what lead us to separation was the fact we didn't work together because we both weren't doing what we should have been. The difference I am working on myself and have made progress where my W has pushed her issues aside and is trying the same thing that failed her last time.

So until she wants to change if she ever does, she is not the one for me.

I will stay here and keep up to date with everyone's sitchs and hopefully
In a years time or so I will be telling a much different Story of how my life is going.

A side note, to everyone feeling helpless. Feeling like there is no way out. It does get better! It's slow and painful but it gets better! We were fine before we met our partners and we WILL be fine after they are gone! Stay strong and stick to your core values and things will get better.

[ForGump]

albac-- glad to see that you seem to be in better spirits, on solid ground. I hope your W see the lighthouse through her fog. Has there been talk about a divorce? Will either of you make it happen?

[albac]

Gump,

Divorce has never ever been mentioned by either of us. But that is only because my W is a very different person to most.

In my W's mind changing her name and starting a new relationship she believes the day she walked out is like the day or marriage was over (divorced) the piece of paper and the marriage in her mind were all gone that day she left.

Likewise I see no point in me pushing for D as we are already living as if it has happened. It's irrelevant to me right now.

[mulesqb]

Interesting albac. My XW was playing around with the OM but didn't want to proceed with D because I think she wanted to keep her options open in case she changed her mind. When I served her (my lawyer had her guy sitting outside my house at 6am and met her at her car and scared the you-know-what out of her!)she couldn't believe it. She was in a rage for a few days and kept telling my kids that I was the one who started this. But after a few days everything changed. She knew I meant business and our R changed immediately. I was back in the position of leading man and she knew I wasn't putting up with her BS anymore.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

[ForGump]

People say M or D is just a piece of paper ... but if it is, the argument could be made, why not just do it? I think in reality M or D does have real and practical consequences, which in turn have emotional consequences.

I'm not pushing it on you. Just saying it has real meaning and real consequences, to me at least.

[mulesqb]

I think in reality M or D does have real and practical consequences, which in turn have emotional consequences.

Total agreement.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

[albac]

Well I don't really know where to start.

I am back after taking some time away from the forum.

I thought i would share where my journey has ended for all those who wondered what happened to the people that just disappear from
This forum.

I'll try to break my situation down quickly for those that don't remember me.

My W and I separated in early February, by May she was in a relationship with another man and now fast forward to December she is pregnant to the new guy.

I was like most of you when I first found this forum. Angry,scared,hurt, felt like my heart had been ripped out. Basically I felt as bad as I ever have in my life and felt that it couldn't get any worse. Over the course of the next 8 or so months it really did get worse, but each time I got knocked to the ground it made me stronger.

Anyway the point is that now 10 months in I am no longer feeling like a victim. I am the best version of myself that I have ever been, I feel confident and as much as I love my wife even after all the things she has done to me I understand that she does not care for me and I have moved on. I still speak with her and it doesn't effect me because I can finally see that I am better off without her.

So to all those hurting and feeling like they have lost everything, stay strong hold on tight and it does get better! You will be stronger and you will recover!

I hope everyone finds the peace they are searching for.