Thanks for the response - yes the other side of taking the ring off or dating is the impact it has on my D10 - right now she sees me as the stable Dad and Husband - I'm showing her what commitment is and how to not give up.
I unfortunately don't get a sense that my W is watching me... if anything I think she's trying to detach from me more and more... interactions are becoming less frequent and communication is becoming more on an as "needed" basis. (I'm pretty sure OM and IC are pushing her towards this detaching - even though she may not want to).
She did however reach out last week for help with something which caught me by surprise (since it's probably something OM could have helped with) and she still likes my posts on FB... so perhaps in some weird way she's watching me/testing me.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
I unfortunately don't get a sense that my W is watching me... <snip> she still likes my posts on FB... so perhaps in some weird way she's watching me/testing me.
PacLove - It may be possible that you've moved into her "friend-zone" and she's just happy-clicking.
For me starting on BD1 my W stopped "liking" anything I posted. Her own activity after BD1 was driving me nuts watching the wild swings from angst to euphoria in what she was "liking". I eventually had to ask my SILs to watch her feed for me and let me know if anything significant changed. The last I heard from them her Facebook activity has swung to pretty much nothing shortly after move-out day from being pretty major before that - not sure if that's meaningful or not.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
yes the other side of taking the ring off or dating is the impact it has on my D10 - right now she sees me as the stable Dad and Husband - I'm showing her what commitment is and how to not give up.
This sounds so sweet, honorable, steadfast, and such a wonderful father.....to want to sacrifice this for his little girl.
Well, I am calling it b.s. You are the one who is wanting the security and commitment. You are using your child as your cover.
The other view of that picture you are creating, is showing D10 that once she gets M, she will be able to run around, leave her home and family, and have an affair......free of any consequences.....and her H will hold down the fort, take care of her kids, while he waits/hopes for her to go back home.
So, continue to be a stable, loving dad who gives her a home. But don't use her to cover your own fear and weaknesses.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My D doesn't know about the affair... So I don't think she sees that. Maybe later in life but certainly not now. How do you suggest I handle it with her?
You know I'm starting to wonder now if my W experienced any infidelity as a child. Something we never talked about....
W officially moves out at the end of the month and I'm planning to further firm up boundaries then.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Thinking about it more and more - I think my W is getting "comfortable" with the sich... Contemplating on how I can further firm up the boundaries with her pending move coming up at end of the month.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Need advice... Got contacted today by a recruiter for a fairly prestigious company. So want to tell W about it. Partially to get her advice and partially to impress her.
The downside is I'm hesitant to approach a new job right now with my sich. My current employer has been more than fair with me through this life transition and moving jobs would take a toll on my ability to be there for D.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Need advice... Got contacted today by a recruiter for a fairly prestigious company. So want to tell W about it. Partially to get her advice and partially to impress her.
The downside is I'm hesitant to approach a new job right now with my sich. My current employer has been more than fair with me through this life transition and moving jobs would take a toll on my ability to be there for D.
PacLove - I faced this exact issue. Pre BD1 i was looking for new challenges. On BD1 I was rocked but still kept at it but was worried how much I'd be able to cope with the additional stress. I actually was very close to an offer (I believe) just before BD2. W was unhappy about the risks of me changing jobs and passive-agressive pushed against it. After BD2 I decided that my MR needed my whole attention and then dropped the search. About 3 months ago though something dropped into my lap and I followed up on it - still waiting to hear back.
Just like you, I thought that W would be excited for me and keen on the new role. More money, better quality of life, better benefits. She was so wrapped up in herself that even though she tried (I think) to be happy "for me" she didn't have any focus on it at all.
So - don't follow up on the role for your W. Do it for you but first think hard about if you are in a healthy enough place to give it your focus. I worry about that a lot myself.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thanks Andrew P. Funny - similarly to you I was looking after BD1 - but I had to move, company was getting acquired. I stepped up into a new role (promotion) but with a lesser known company, thought W would get excited but she was very negative about the change. She had been complaining for years for me to move and all of a sudden I get the new challenge and she was dead against it.
I think it was largely due to the fact she knew she'd be moving out and didn't want the added stress... plus the new job short term would be less $'s but longer term had more potential upside. (moving out she was probably only thinking short term)
Job has been great and Boss has been great and understanding through this all - so it's hard to turn my back on that now after only a year in.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Need advice... Got contacted today by a recruiter for a fairly prestigious company. So want to tell W about it. Partially to get her advice and partially to impress her.
The downside is I'm hesitant to approach a new job right now with my sich. My current employer has been more than fair with me through this life transition and moving jobs would take a toll on my ability to be there for D.
Only so many great opportunities come along in life. Turn them down and you'll regret it.
