HalfTheMan & MLC-W

[HTM]

Sorry Job,

Was trying to move/link my Newcomers thread to the MLC part of the forum following experienced poster recommendations but I screwed it up.

I thought using the 'Notify' Moderator button on each thread would serve to highlight this, along with a message asking that the link & extra thread be updated/removed; guessing this probably wasn't the best way to go about it.

For someone who's supposed to be computer literate I should be sent to the naughty corner with a zx-spectrum and asked to start learning IT again.

Being a Moderator wonder if you would be able to remove the additional Newcomers thread as well as ensure the forward link from my original thread to the new MLC thread is correct?

Thanks & regards,
HTM.

[HTM]

Hi Huddy,

I did cancel the Mediation appointment a few weeks ago, somewhat out of spite but also upon solicitors advice. My W had gone to the family court and applied for a Non-Molestation/Occupancy Order without me present to oppose it, hence why I got the solicitor involved; protect your kids & yourself right? Well the scheduled 30min court hearing that the solicitor & I were due to attend, refuting the allegations, got cancelled last minute by my W She did at least drop the Occupancy part of the order which if upheld could have seen me kicked out of the family home.

This NMO is my W abusing a legal system put in place to protect people in more dire Domestic Violence cases; yes I've argued, got angry & shouted -no worse than my W- but certainly nothing physical.

So it may go against certain DB-ing principles but I have to do what I can to get this NMO dropped completely as it has an automatic power of arrest attached to it; picture the scene... Mediation taking place, W disagrees with a proposal I make, it gets heated & she speed-dials then I'm dragged off without any redress until later at the Police Station, scary!

At present I have reinstated the Mediation appointment on a 'shuttle' basis, i.e. separate rooms, in the hope W makes good on her commitment to drop the NMO completely if I go ahead. Though if she doesn't I will have to give serious consideration to pursuing a fully contested hearing (day in court, cross-examination, evidence submission, etc.) meaning the £900 I've already outlaid to the solicitor will escalate to something closer to £10k. Watch this space!

In a way, I'm ok to go through mediation as I'm confident any reasonable impartial 3rd party would see I'm not being difficult and open to comprise, as long as what comes out of this is a win-win for Ss & me I'll be happy. However, I will take your experience on-board and get your point about anyone who doesn't see things W's being an enemy.

[job]

HTM,

I can do magic on the MLC Forum, just as Cadet can do magic on the Newcomers Forum. The moderators don't have the capabilities to go from one forum to the next and repair things. If I could, I would be more than happy to merge the two threads over on Newcomers for you.I'm sure that when Cadet is around, he'll merge the two for you.

Also, the "notify" button wasn't working for quite some time, but it appears that I can be notified now for the MLC Forum.

[job]

HTM,

You have to do whatever it takes to get the NMO struck from the system. Although you'll need to be sure to find out exactly what it states as she may have pulled the rabbit out of the hat and stated that you verbally and emotionally abused her and the only way to get relief from that behavior is to file a NMO. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

[Lifes Twists]

HTM,

I don't believe that it is against DB'ing to protect yourself legally from anything she does. I know that everyone here will tell you to protect yourself and your children. I have been where you are and had to get legal orders removed in order to protect myself. Believe me when I say that it does not have a negative impact on your DB'ing. In fact it may have a more positive long term result. This does not mean to be nasty to her or try to cause her trouble. This just means to stand up for yourself and do what is legally and morally right. Be the best man and father you can be. Work on yourself and your relationship with your children. Always remember that there is only one person in this world that you can control and that is yourself.

[Huddy]

I think all the legal stuff is a ruse to get you away from her. I know it's amazing, but in their mind, the LBS should leave the house and pitch up somewhere else. My W wanted me to do that and I went to a hotel for a week, but, it was my house and I wasn't being forced anywhere.

OK, so this order sounds a bit extreme. Does she have any kind of proof? Is there any cause for a judge to grant this order? Be careful of her new 'friend', as she may be spurring her on and may provide 'witness' evidence. Yeah, this is gonna cost a bit, but you have got to protect yourself. Keep your temper at bay as well.

[HTM]

Thanks LT,

I've been coming around to that better me/dad thinking more & more following supportive forum posts such as yours. Trying to rise above W's provocation & not be drawn into retaliatory games needs work but I'm getting there.

[HTM]

Huddy,

Think you're right. I get the impression W wants the Mediated separation to go ahead and be done ASAP, the NMO is a means of manipulating me to 'toe the line'. Plus, it turns the tables and makes me look like the bad guy to her family/friends. Think W is about to a reality check though, wrt how long mediated separation and selling the family home can take.

The witness statement backing up the NMO is ~90% fabrication; some truthful elements in there but they're mixed/merged/confused, no real evidence it really is her word against mine. No hint of the discovered EA that would explain my reaction(s) to her behaviour. I do believe there is more than one person whispering in W's ear about the MR & separation but I'm pretty sure W's eldest sister, a WPC & familiar with such court orders, is the one who made the suggestion about the NMO.

I feel I'm getting my reactions/temper under more control as I continue detaching; even afford myself a smile at some of my W's eccentricities of late.

[Huddy]

Know where you're at with sisters/SIL. My wonderful SIL was instrumental in W trying to run 230 miles away. I was in my snooping phase back then and the texts were pure vile. If W returns to me, I don't want her sister within 100 miles of me.

[HTM]

Ok so an update on what’s been happening over the last couple of weeks.

W had a week away w/ Ss staying over at SIL’s place, something we used to do annually as a family, which I found a little difficult to deal w/ tbh. Thought, after all that had gone on w/ the court order being raised, me involving a solicitor, etc., a break from recent toxic interactions would be good for me. However, I did find myself sliding back into a depressive mood about the MR, even got tearful on one occasion. I certainly missed my Ss, when they’re around it helps me focus and reminds me to be a great dad. Still managed to GAL somewhat by playing host and cooking for some friends one evening, then again on another evening for my elder (WAW) sister. Another evening I played doubles tennis, though I did let myself down a little by skipping gym all week & hardly venturing out.

Anyway, last week I got to take Ss away with me on a mini-vacation or ‘boys road-trip’ as we ended up calling it We spent a couple of days at a splash/water park and then a few more at a seaside town, all great fun. Supposedly W was going to spend more time at SIL’s while we were away but I suspect, due to a lack of FB activity, she actually met up w/ OM. Anyway, I didn’t let it get to me and just focused on having a good time with my two Ss.

Yesterday W & I had a calm discussion about separation, W talked about her plans post-house sale. She intends to rent locally for a few months & pay off her debts -get the impression these are mounting- then buy a 3-bed house 100+ miles away from London somewhat closer to SIL, changing job in the process. Naturally the subject of co-parenting & custody came up and it seems W is ok to uproot Ss from schools/friends -as if their parents splitting wasn’t enough for them to deal with- and have them move with her. W intimated that should she end-up w/ mostly weekend custody, she’d want the odd weekend to herself and it would be ok for me to have Ss more -prime example of the MLCer me, me, me mentality at work. Now I suspect there may be more behind this “fresh start” plan than W lets on so I’ll take it with ‘a pinch of salt’ until actions match words. When I suggested moving closer to SIL might be handy to help out w/ Ss care, W emphasised that she didn't intend on using her sister as a babysitter -I’m thinking this has got fantasy plan to be w/, or closer to, OM written all over it. I didn’t really react to any of what W said, stayed calmed, offered some input here & there and gave a potential plan of my own. Upon reflection of her intentions, I’ve arrived at a conclusion and a decision:

• Moving/being away from supporting family & friends at a difficult time in one’s life is madness!
• If separation & house sale go ahead I’m going to do whatever is in my power to stay close to where we live now to minimise upheaval for Ss and ensure family/friends are close by for them/me.

In the next few days both Ss return to school and then the regular routine of running them to/from school as well as sports/activities will begin again. I intend to speak to both Ss schools/form-tutors this week, ensuring they're aware of the imminent separation and to ask they monitor the affect it may have on Ss.